(no subject)
life is really confusing. ever notice that? well im in this strange state again. its not as big as it was before but i keep trying to remind myself about that cool feeling i had when i didn't give a shit. it really helps me to relax though. its like when i need to meditate or whatever, i just think "it doesn't matter, nothing in the world ever matters except what matters to you." but hey, whatever works right? well i'm listening to this old destiny's child song. its called brown eyes, its really a cool song. i have no clue why the hell im listening to it but hey. whatever. you know i was thinking a lot about what happens when you go to college. i leave my life behind and basically start a new one. its kinda scary but at the same time extremely exciting. i dunno, its strange, i've been so much more analytical with in the last week than i've ever been in my entire life. i could really look into things and see them for how they are. its so cool. i've really been able to seriously clear my mind. its definitely a rad thing. anyway, what i was thinking about life was that our lives consist of being born, meeting people, learning how to deal with those people, making friends on the side, all the time preparing from day 1, for the rest of our lives. but thats all our lives are. getting ready for something. think about it, from day 1 you started learning for what you would do 20 years from then, and now we're really (if you take a 4-year college) 5 years away from stopping the whole school process to do what? to work more. the prepare you for the real world when the whole time you're only living half your life, your only living outside of school. and then they want you to come home and do more work for school. so you can do what? prepare for college which prepares you for getting a job to which you will do for the next 40 years of your life, considering you retire at 60, and then once you retire, you have about 30 years to sit around and actually live your life, but when you're 60, there's not much life to live, (unless you're one of those extremely rare old people, who sky dive when they're like 70 or something) so get ready guys, for the next 50 years of working your ass off. sure you might get a job that you enjoy, but thats only a small percentage of people who do end up enjoying their job, and of course they are the obscure few over-achievers who plan ahead. so now i ask myself, would i rather be a slacker, enjoy the half life i have now, or be an over-achiever, and enjoy my work and the rest of my retirement with loads of money later?
ok this is the craziest entry i have ever dared to write. well im not sure about that but anyway, i dont even know if i believe in half of the stuff i just wrote, but wait, i'd have to believe in it right? cuz i wrote it. but there are things that people might say sometimes "well... it depends... life can be fun... even when you're in school... blah blah blah" and yeah, i admit, i'm enjoying life, im not saying that life is just this depressing black hole, but i was basically just saying. thats it. randomness spilling from my head. and now i've started to read while i type so i seriously think i need to end this entry right now. but....(pause)......yeah thats it. (pause) i did have something to say earlier about college, but i got off track. anyway. it was basically that i was thinking, my whole life has centered around the friends that i've had in grade school, and i still have in high school. so what happens when we go off to college and they're not there. will i still be the same person? will i still be liked? i dont know, that was the scary thing i was thinking about the other day. that like, yeah i act different around my friends, but that's just cuz they bring out this side of me, like a real part of me, ya know, that i dont/cant normally show around other people, but if my friends are around, it easier for me to be myself. so i guess im bascially just worried about making new friends in college. i just feel like im going to lose a part of me, when i go off with out my friends. I LOVE YOU GUYS! ha. just had to do that. anyway, i'm still talking while i'm typing, no listening to pool party. ha. funny song man. anyway. i guess this entry was listerally over like 9 sentances ago (no i didnt count, i made up that number) anyway. so yeah. (pause) guess i'll go. bye. (then ask me what its like to have myself so figured out, wish i knew..............................i hope this song starts a craze, the kinda song that ignites the air ways, the kinda song that makes people glad to be where they are, with whom ever they're there with, im listening to brand new:"okay i believe you but my tommy gun don't"................at least pretend you didn't want get caught)
my cool new clip that i got in cinncinatti when i visited Xavier. (of course i got it at this awesomely huge mall, along with a whole bunch of clothes that i will eventually post on my colorful fun journal)
ok this is the craziest entry i have ever dared to write. well im not sure about that but anyway, i dont even know if i believe in half of the stuff i just wrote, but wait, i'd have to believe in it right? cuz i wrote it. but there are things that people might say sometimes "well... it depends... life can be fun... even when you're in school... blah blah blah" and yeah, i admit, i'm enjoying life, im not saying that life is just this depressing black hole, but i was basically just saying. thats it. randomness spilling from my head. and now i've started to read while i type so i seriously think i need to end this entry right now. but....(pause)......yeah thats it. (pause) i did have something to say earlier about college, but i got off track. anyway. it was basically that i was thinking, my whole life has centered around the friends that i've had in grade school, and i still have in high school. so what happens when we go off to college and they're not there. will i still be the same person? will i still be liked? i dont know, that was the scary thing i was thinking about the other day. that like, yeah i act different around my friends, but that's just cuz they bring out this side of me, like a real part of me, ya know, that i dont/cant normally show around other people, but if my friends are around, it easier for me to be myself. so i guess im bascially just worried about making new friends in college. i just feel like im going to lose a part of me, when i go off with out my friends. I LOVE YOU GUYS! ha. just had to do that. anyway, i'm still talking while i'm typing, no listening to pool party. ha. funny song man. anyway. i guess this entry was listerally over like 9 sentances ago (no i didnt count, i made up that number) anyway. so yeah. (pause) guess i'll go. bye. (then ask me what its like to have myself so figured out, wish i knew..............................i hope this song starts a craze, the kinda song that ignites the air ways, the kinda song that makes people glad to be where they are, with whom ever they're there with, im listening to brand new:"okay i believe you but my tommy gun don't"................at least pretend you didn't want get caught)
my cool new clip that i got in cinncinatti when i visited Xavier. (of course i got it at this awesomely huge mall, along with a whole bunch of clothes that i will eventually post on my colorful fun journal)