Dec 31, 2009 22:59
tl;dr: (SPOILERS) come again players finally break spirit of newly appointed tech manager. film at eleven.
did i mention the part where i am shorthanded on techies? i am shorthanded on techies. as in, apparently i have been put in charge of something that almost no one is interested in anymore, and even fewer have actually ever been trained for (okay, yeah, i am probably at least partially at fault for that). to that end, though, i very much appreciate those willing to step up, primarily because apparently this is going to be one of those times where that help is going to be needed. as much as i wish i could just go, 'oh, it's cool, we got this,' i know that this is a lie. it is by no means under control of any sort; perhaps mine least of all. i'm horribly sorry your introduction to rocky-tech is going to suck, and i wish i could offer support or consolation. we used to have cue sheets. but they are probably gone now, as they were, you know, slightly useful. ish.
i am honestly not sure what i'm expected to do in situations like this. i might be awesome, but i cannot train people psychically. i cannot magically make more techies appear when i need them, and i really can't motivate people to come and be useful when they don't want to or already have other arrangements. unfortunately, it is seeming more and more that we no longer have a tech crew, but rather a handful of people who will begrudgingly move stuff around whilst complaining about it -- and i know i've been all hell of guilty of that myself. if i had a nickel for every time i wanted to break, burn, or otherwise mangle my tank, i would pretty much never have to work another day in my life.
granted, logic might suggest that most actors who have been on stage should, to some extent, have at least a basic working knowledge of how tech works. some cues are perhaps more nuanced than others, but the general idea of "this thing needs to be in this place for this scene" should be common knowledge. ergo, worst case scenario, there ought to be someone there who knows, vaguely, almost, sort of, what is going on and can help out.
perhaps i am an optimist.
perhaps we can forget the props altogether and start training our actors in the fine art of miming?
seriously, though. i can send out tech lists, i can pretend that they are of importance and that it is not a waste of my time to sit here wondering who the hell i can schedule who isn't on stage, hasn't called out, and might actually show up. i can pretend that there is still a reason i keep doing this, a reason i keep stupidly believing things are going to get better. i'm disinclined to fully admit how disappointed and frustrated i am that things keep turning out like this, but i'm sure i'd be called on it if i acted like none of this was a problem. not only is it an ongoing problem, but it has been a problem for some time now -- and i suppose i'm at a point at which i will more than happily admit that i haven't the faintest idea how to fix it. i'm not sure i'd want to, even if i could. besides, it's no longer enough for me to keep doing this simply because i know no one else will, and whatever genuine affection i had for the idea of a successful weekly production disappeared longer ago than i care to admit.
i will, as begrudgingly promised, be at the show this weekend. however, please be advised that my resignation as tech manager, techie god extraordinaire, and whatever the hell else i was will probably not be long in coming. it has been over five years since i first went to see the come again players, and i've been doing tech for almost three: in that time, i have seen directors, actors, techies, preshows, special shows, and away shows come and go. i've seen the ways in which the cast and the people in it have changed, adapted, and, occasionally, self-destructed -- and none of it is anything i'm keen on hanging onto, thank you very much. this cast is currently a shadow if its former self, plagued by insecurities, jealousies, apathy, and, more often than not, total abject failures in communication. and planning. we are bad at planning (and probably even worse at the execution of said plans, too, now that you mention it).
this is, i realize, much longer than a lot of people have the attention span for, but you deserve the explanation (inasmuch as i can give one without resorting to name-calling, cursing, and general malfeasance). for those of you still hell-bent on trying to make this work, well, good luck. and to the cast as a whole (as in, "no one individually," as in "each and every single one of you, combined, together, with all of your drama, hiatuses, temper-tantrums and catfights," i congratulate you on having finally made leaving look infinitely more appealing than staying.
please feel free to berate, plead, or question as is deemed necessary.
//
i hate new year's. it's a completely moronic excuse for people to pretend they are going to make changes and improvements whilst under the influence of copious amounts of alcohol: it's arbitrary, pointless, and utterly ridiculous. and we didn't get to do the photoshoot today, so i'm pretty much set with this tradition i started of having a really strange awkward terrible new year's eve/day. awesome.
noli me tangere,
rocky horror