(no subject)
The Parlor:
Where in the world am I going to start? I'll start first off journal, by saying big events don't happen to me in a span of time.When it rains...it pours. One day, after nearly a week and a half of nothingness, things just start to cave again. But no, theres only one thing that matters right now, the one topic that I only feel like thinking or writing about. Its Jen. To get more to the point journal. We had one of our little arguments that turned a bit hostile. She caused a little scene at the house and I ended up dragging her back to Masked Fate. What happened there only amazes me even further. We were basically at each others throats, well....mostly me. I guess I was getting tired of all these games she has been playing. Then she said something about how she only did it to get close to me and made some remark that rubbed off as being jealous of the women I know in havior. Why couldn't she just ask me to talk? Why not come to something like that? I guess, I was just denying it for a while. Trying not to see how hard she was trying to get close to me. Then something hit. Why was it me that was always pushing her away? After she'd gushed out at me all this time. Why was I ignoring her? I think its because I didn't want to have to go through what I did when she left, way back when, ever again. I couldn't help it journal. I'd be lying to myself if I said I didn't care about her. If she wasn't something special to me. Of course she's not like any of the havior women. I like nearly all of them. But there are none I could see myself ever falling in love with. I loved Jen then, and I still love her now. I guess I just wanted to hide it as far in the back of my head as I could, because I didn't want to have to deal with losing her again. But, before last night, there was no fear of losing, but I realized the discomfort of not having. I love Jen, thats all there is to it. Now, there are going to be massive...problems...shall I put it with this, if we do...go for part two. Not with 'us'. But what is Miz going to say? Obviously she doesn't like Jen. Neither does Caitlin, or most of the other havior's for that matter. I'm just going to have to stare them all in the face and let them deal with my decision. If they can't, thats fine, I'll leave havior. As much as they may dislike it, if they can't find it in them to respect my choice, I don't belong there. I guess we'll just have to wait and see journal. I think I'll tell Miz, before she finds out with her own eyes. As for other things, I'm just trying to settle down...and understand.
Where in the world am I going to start? I'll start first off journal, by saying big events don't happen to me in a span of time.When it rains...it pours. One day, after nearly a week and a half of nothingness, things just start to cave again. But no, theres only one thing that matters right now, the one topic that I only feel like thinking or writing about. Its Jen. To get more to the point journal. We had one of our little arguments that turned a bit hostile. She caused a little scene at the house and I ended up dragging her back to Masked Fate. What happened there only amazes me even further. We were basically at each others throats, well....mostly me. I guess I was getting tired of all these games she has been playing. Then she said something about how she only did it to get close to me and made some remark that rubbed off as being jealous of the women I know in havior. Why couldn't she just ask me to talk? Why not come to something like that? I guess, I was just denying it for a while. Trying not to see how hard she was trying to get close to me. Then something hit. Why was it me that was always pushing her away? After she'd gushed out at me all this time. Why was I ignoring her? I think its because I didn't want to have to go through what I did when she left, way back when, ever again. I couldn't help it journal. I'd be lying to myself if I said I didn't care about her. If she wasn't something special to me. Of course she's not like any of the havior women. I like nearly all of them. But there are none I could see myself ever falling in love with. I loved Jen then, and I still love her now. I guess I just wanted to hide it as far in the back of my head as I could, because I didn't want to have to deal with losing her again. But, before last night, there was no fear of losing, but I realized the discomfort of not having. I love Jen, thats all there is to it. Now, there are going to be massive...problems...shall I put it with this, if we do...go for part two. Not with 'us'. But what is Miz going to say? Obviously she doesn't like Jen. Neither does Caitlin, or most of the other havior's for that matter. I'm just going to have to stare them all in the face and let them deal with my decision. If they can't, thats fine, I'll leave havior. As much as they may dislike it, if they can't find it in them to respect my choice, I don't belong there. I guess we'll just have to wait and see journal. I think I'll tell Miz, before she finds out with her own eyes. As for other things, I'm just trying to settle down...and understand.