(no subject)
Changing of the guard, almost:
It hit me journal, like a two ton hammer. As soon as I hit my bed. I never...ever expected anything like it, would ever happen to me. To the loner Rien...couldn't be true. But it is. I'm alone again..and it -bothers- the hell out of me. Hell, few months ago I'd be chuckling beneath those sheets, holding two broken hearts in my palms. Not now. Not here. Not today. Instead I'm left torn with nothing much to wake up to anymore. Broke it off with Alexis..as you already know. Told Jen there was closure, I hope its the case, for some reason I really do. I'm tired of her gushing her heart out at me to get nothing but a two bit piece of BS thrown right back in her face, she deserves better. So does Alexis. Hell I even had the nerve...yes the nerve, it was a long day journal. To spit up a sweet little story about playing her like a puppet. Couldn't think. Couldn't answer like so many times before. Maybe I should be happy I don't have the responsibility. They deserve better...yeah, maybe I'll keep telling myself that until I finally fall asleep. The lights slowly dimming journal, slowly dimming on the hopes of tomorrow.
Topic number two. Havior. I have a decision to make, and I'll make it soon, I think. To stay with the group that is my last reason for waking up every morning, or moving on. Starting over. Rumors about everyones disapproval with Alexis were true. Once I told a few of them, they just came out with it. Of course it placed a little light on me. I didn't really care much about the topic, but the fact. That most of them actually cared about what was going on. Naturally Caitlin was concerned. Shes the only person who has been upfront about their open kindness. I thought I was the odd man out until this past evening, until I noticed some of them caring. Not that I
thought they weren't capable, but just the impression I seem to rub off on people. I don't expect to be noticed, outside of bouncing. Had a little one on one chat with Miz about -things-. I say it went fine, nothing to really worry about. I'm still thinking about leaving, given the situation with Jimmy and Alexis'. I can almost taste the bad blood spreading there. I think the house has had enough of my personal drama for a good lifetime. I don't want to leave journal, I will if I have to. But now its my saving grace, more importantly, its a place I can run too, know there will be people. It feels less like work...and more like home.
"I swear, my last path, my final journey in life, will be tracing, walking the path in a field of gold"- One day...I'll be happy journal. Happy with where I stand, that day has yet to pass. I'll wait...a lifetime if I have to. If I die without that moment..I'd rather not have lived, what would it be worth. A mere tortured soul. I don't sit basking in my self pity. I sit looking for the light at the end of this tunnel. No, its not time for sitting...its time for moving on.
It hit me journal, like a two ton hammer. As soon as I hit my bed. I never...ever expected anything like it, would ever happen to me. To the loner Rien...couldn't be true. But it is. I'm alone again..and it -bothers- the hell out of me. Hell, few months ago I'd be chuckling beneath those sheets, holding two broken hearts in my palms. Not now. Not here. Not today. Instead I'm left torn with nothing much to wake up to anymore. Broke it off with Alexis..as you already know. Told Jen there was closure, I hope its the case, for some reason I really do. I'm tired of her gushing her heart out at me to get nothing but a two bit piece of BS thrown right back in her face, she deserves better. So does Alexis. Hell I even had the nerve...yes the nerve, it was a long day journal. To spit up a sweet little story about playing her like a puppet. Couldn't think. Couldn't answer like so many times before. Maybe I should be happy I don't have the responsibility. They deserve better...yeah, maybe I'll keep telling myself that until I finally fall asleep. The lights slowly dimming journal, slowly dimming on the hopes of tomorrow.
Topic number two. Havior. I have a decision to make, and I'll make it soon, I think. To stay with the group that is my last reason for waking up every morning, or moving on. Starting over. Rumors about everyones disapproval with Alexis were true. Once I told a few of them, they just came out with it. Of course it placed a little light on me. I didn't really care much about the topic, but the fact. That most of them actually cared about what was going on. Naturally Caitlin was concerned. Shes the only person who has been upfront about their open kindness. I thought I was the odd man out until this past evening, until I noticed some of them caring. Not that I
thought they weren't capable, but just the impression I seem to rub off on people. I don't expect to be noticed, outside of bouncing. Had a little one on one chat with Miz about -things-. I say it went fine, nothing to really worry about. I'm still thinking about leaving, given the situation with Jimmy and Alexis'. I can almost taste the bad blood spreading there. I think the house has had enough of my personal drama for a good lifetime. I don't want to leave journal, I will if I have to. But now its my saving grace, more importantly, its a place I can run too, know there will be people. It feels less like work...and more like home.
"I swear, my last path, my final journey in life, will be tracing, walking the path in a field of gold"- One day...I'll be happy journal. Happy with where I stand, that day has yet to pass. I'll wait...a lifetime if I have to. If I die without that moment..I'd rather not have lived, what would it be worth. A mere tortured soul. I don't sit basking in my self pity. I sit looking for the light at the end of this tunnel. No, its not time for sitting...its time for moving on.