(no subject)
i haven't been this lonely and depressed in a long time. it seems like everything is going poorly for me right now. a lot of it is my fault. most, probably.
it's been 1 year, 6 months and 6 days since the last time i had sex. kind of pathetic that i know that. kind of pathetic (not to mention discouraging) that it's been so long.
ugh. sorry to everyone who happens to read my whining. but this is more for me than you anyway, i know people hate it when i bitch about shit in real life.
i just feel so incredibly stuck right now. i've felt stuck for the past 6 months at least. i wish i could get over my stupid little problems that don't really matter to anybody anyway.
i'm beginning to remember what it's like to be depressed most of the time. maybe people don't see it much because when i'm around friends i'm usually acting ok...
but whether i think about it at the time or not, deep down i still feel painfully isolated from everyone else. i'm too needy. i always have been, and i don't think that will ever change. i need to feel wanted, and appreciated, and loved. and not everyone does, and most seem not to, but i desperately NEED to have someone. someone to comfort me and care about me in the ways everyone else neglects or can't fulfill.
every single girl i've ever asked out has turned me down. i've literally given up and stopped trying. i know i shouldn't take this attitude and it isn't healthy, but time has taught me over and over again that i'm undesirable and unlovable. maybe even somehow tainted. i'm very young, but i'm quite a bit more bitter than many people twice my age.
i wish i didn't feel so sorry for myself all the time. if other people think it gets old being exposed to it, just remember i have to be around it 24/7. what a pain.
i just need to move far away and start over from scratch. there's nothing here for me.
it's been 1 year, 6 months and 6 days since the last time i had sex. kind of pathetic that i know that. kind of pathetic (not to mention discouraging) that it's been so long.
ugh. sorry to everyone who happens to read my whining. but this is more for me than you anyway, i know people hate it when i bitch about shit in real life.
i just feel so incredibly stuck right now. i've felt stuck for the past 6 months at least. i wish i could get over my stupid little problems that don't really matter to anybody anyway.
i'm beginning to remember what it's like to be depressed most of the time. maybe people don't see it much because when i'm around friends i'm usually acting ok...
but whether i think about it at the time or not, deep down i still feel painfully isolated from everyone else. i'm too needy. i always have been, and i don't think that will ever change. i need to feel wanted, and appreciated, and loved. and not everyone does, and most seem not to, but i desperately NEED to have someone. someone to comfort me and care about me in the ways everyone else neglects or can't fulfill.
every single girl i've ever asked out has turned me down. i've literally given up and stopped trying. i know i shouldn't take this attitude and it isn't healthy, but time has taught me over and over again that i'm undesirable and unlovable. maybe even somehow tainted. i'm very young, but i'm quite a bit more bitter than many people twice my age.
i wish i didn't feel so sorry for myself all the time. if other people think it gets old being exposed to it, just remember i have to be around it 24/7. what a pain.
i just need to move far away and start over from scratch. there's nothing here for me.