Standing on the diving board contemplating my jump...
Almost everyone lives partly in fantasy partly in reality, it's what keeps us going. If we weren't able to dream and be flighty then the stress of reality would crush us under it's weight. Which is precisely what I'm terrified of. I'm personally very capable of seeing the gray areas in pretty much everything in life, however I'm a very black and white person. I have a tendency to put the whole of myself into one kind of existence or another, it's just how I survive, go all or don't go at all. And so I'm brought to a horrifyingly pivotal moment in my life, growing up. Which in my mind equates to sacrificing your happiness on the high altar of money. I have to get a job, any job and get my fucking life together. I have to be willing to make myself miserable in order to build a savings account so that I can get an apartment. Then I'll get more jobs that I hate in order to buy bigger and better shit, which in the end is all for not. It will amount to nothing, I'm about to scale the rainbow only to find that the colors get dimmer along the way and the pot of gold really was just a myth. I'm afraid that once I step into reality I'll lose my fantasy, that my black and white ways will destroy my morale. I need fantasy to survive, because as emo as it sounds reality can really depress me. How does one prepare for becoming jaded? How do you continue on when you can't see the point? How do you even get started? Oh well, it's time to become an adult and hate my life like everybody else.