(no subject)
I need to get something off my chest. At the moment, I'm confused. About myself. People call me mysterious and secretive, and I probably am. I know I am. Why? I don't know. Maybe I've just always been that way. Maybe I haven't. I can't remember back that far. More and more, though, I seem to be getting more distant. It's not that I want to, it's the last thing I like. I hate being alone. Sure, I like some me time, but I still want someone right there that I can reach out and grab if I need. I really don't know what's wrong with me, but I feel something. Like, there's something I should know, or somewhere I should be. I feel like I'm stuck behind some sort of wall, but I have no idea what it is or how to break through it. I feel lonely. Half the time, it just feels like I'm going through the motions, and though I want to really experience and get involved in things, I can't help but feel numb. For moments here and there during the day, I'll feel like my old self, but just as quick it goes to being: I wish someone was here to experience this sunset, or this moment, and then all I want to do is cry because I suddenly feel so completly empty. I really hate being alone, but I can't stop alienating myself at the same time. I don't even know if I'm going anywhere with this, or I'm more just rambling to myself to see if I can make sense of anything. Maybe I'll just blame it on the horemones. Finals. Worrying about what'll happen after graduation in December. I don't know. Maybe, all I need is a change in scenery, and a hug from someone there to experience it with me.