pretending like i can actually
i now write with my seat belt strapped on. the ice is melting in a swirl-of-a-line pattern. different shades of blue melting into different shades of white. gray. i wonder which i am. the car shakes from the wind of high altitued and the speed of on-going traffic behind me. and it's funny because when you stand on top of a mountain, you don't feel on top of the world (you feel like you're going to fall and like it won'[t be that far). i forgot how blue the sky gets here. and how it matches the lake and how i think it's on purpose. think ice melting, people going by, walking, driving, running, not even noticeing tht even the thinkcest of ice melts some time.
i almost forgot what it's like to be someplace west of blue. and i almost forgot what it's like to be someplace south of you. there are symbols everywhere you go, if you just look for them.
maybe i gotta stop thinking of t5his as a fork in the road 8a mandatory decision) and i gotta start thinking of it as an opportunity (a second door opening, waiting for me to walk through). maybe i'm making a bigger deal out of this than need be. maybe i'm so doped-up on nyquil right now that if i got pulled over i'd fail an alcohol test. or maybe the problem is that i don't even care.
