fairy-tale days
For the first time in a long time, if not ever, I must say...Life is good. I'm happy, and everythings generally ok. Me and Joey are dating, and it's so good that I'm quite literally scared to death. Thing is, I'm not nor have I ever been the most innocent of women. I'm hurt a few more men and people in general than I'm comfortable thinking about let alone admitting. I'm fairly certain that Joey may be karmas way of kicking my ass. He's really got me tied up pretty tight. I want him all of the time (and generally...that's not the case with new boyfriends..I want them til I notice all of the other men...then I want that guy over there...) but with Joey...I just want him, all of the time...like...right now. Also, he's intelligent, funny, and in general unexpected. When he talks I listen, whereas usually with other men I've dated I would just get bored or begin to run monologues in my own mind. I think the difference is that when he talks he actually has something to say. He doesn't bitch...he doesn't complain just for the sake of complaining or put me down for anything. We've spent the last 4 days staying together at his house, which tonight will be the last night of that for now..no pushing luck and whatnot, but it's been an absolute fairy-tale. Usually, btw, I have a 3 day mental limit. Boyfriend or not, no matter who you are I can only take people for 3 days max without becoming incredibly annoyed and put off by them. True story, ask any of my ex's or really good friends, it isn't personal, I'm just a virgo and have issues...but me and Joey are great. If I go outside to smoke a ciggarette, unless he wants one too, he feels no need to follow me like a puppy and force himself by my side. If I'm reading a book, he plays video games...instead of fighting me about it and whining for attention. SO yeah, nature is clearly setting me up for the biggest heartbreak of my life. I'm quite concerned, nothing this good lasts...not when you've broken hearts before...even knowing, or suspecting this, I'm just too happy right now to pull back. Even if he smashes my heart into a million peices I'm really glad I've had him at all.
Another concern: Gavin is coming back from Michigan in December. I really just wish he wouldn't. He keeps sending me crazy emails and trying to call me...I admit I've indulged his insanity as well as my own in the past, but there is absolutely no way that it would even be in the slightest way worth losing Joey. Joey isn't a kid, he's not a bitch, and he doesn't play games like that. he would almost positively beat Gavin and leave me for even putting him in that situation...so my goal, is just to have nothing to do with Gavin. It's all I can do. I don't want to be with him, and he's never been able to believe that before and I'm assuming he won't just give up if I keep talking to him. I really think there's the possibilty of something very real happening between me and Joey and if I lost it over my being an immature succubus that would really kill me in so many ways.
man...I wish I could go back two and half hours ago laying in bed with Joey, instead... I have to go put in job applications now. YAY.
Another concern: Gavin is coming back from Michigan in December. I really just wish he wouldn't. He keeps sending me crazy emails and trying to call me...I admit I've indulged his insanity as well as my own in the past, but there is absolutely no way that it would even be in the slightest way worth losing Joey. Joey isn't a kid, he's not a bitch, and he doesn't play games like that. he would almost positively beat Gavin and leave me for even putting him in that situation...so my goal, is just to have nothing to do with Gavin. It's all I can do. I don't want to be with him, and he's never been able to believe that before and I'm assuming he won't just give up if I keep talking to him. I really think there's the possibilty of something very real happening between me and Joey and if I lost it over my being an immature succubus that would really kill me in so many ways.
man...I wish I could go back two and half hours ago laying in bed with Joey, instead... I have to go put in job applications now. YAY.