Worst... Year... Ever.
If you think I'm exaggerating, I'm not. This was the worst year of my life. But as Homer Simpson would optimistically remind me, "Worst year of your life so far."
I look forward to 2008 the same way Evel Knievel might have looked at the Grand Canyon after destroying himself at Caesar's Palace. And I love that metaphor so much, I'm just going to let you sit around and fucking think about it.
Goals for 2008
1 - Move out of Utah.
2 - Write the great American album.
3 - Learn intermediate Dutch.
4 - Vote in the primaries.
5 - Vote if I can claim residence in a place where it'll matter.
6 - Have an intimate relationship.
7 - Make happiness the prime virtue of my life.
8 - Be fearless.
Things I might do in 2008
1 - Go back to Europe.
2 - Live in Europe.
3 - Live in California.
4 - Live in Oregon.
5 - Live in Chicago.
6 - Earn acclaim.
7 - Have sex.
8 - Stay emotionally stable.
Things I won't do in 2008
1 - Give up.
2 - Graduate from college.
3 - Broadcast a video of myself whining to a webcam on YouTube.
4 - Lose my patience with myself.
5 - Lose my patience with anyone who walks into 7-Eleven.
6 - Be a secret.
7 - Gain 20 pounds like most everyone else in my graduating class.
8 - Pay attention to the values of a me-first generation.
*No need to recap 2007. It would be like the Oscars doing a tribute to the worst movies made this year.
I look forward to 2008 the same way Evel Knievel might have looked at the Grand Canyon after destroying himself at Caesar's Palace. And I love that metaphor so much, I'm just going to let you sit around and fucking think about it.
Goals for 2008
1 - Move out of Utah.
2 - Write the great American album.
3 - Learn intermediate Dutch.
4 - Vote in the primaries.
5 - Vote if I can claim residence in a place where it'll matter.
6 - Have an intimate relationship.
7 - Make happiness the prime virtue of my life.
8 - Be fearless.
Things I might do in 2008
1 - Go back to Europe.
2 - Live in Europe.
3 - Live in California.
4 - Live in Oregon.
5 - Live in Chicago.
6 - Earn acclaim.
7 - Have sex.
8 - Stay emotionally stable.
Things I won't do in 2008
1 - Give up.
2 - Graduate from college.
3 - Broadcast a video of myself whining to a webcam on YouTube.
4 - Lose my patience with myself.
5 - Lose my patience with anyone who walks into 7-Eleven.
6 - Be a secret.
7 - Gain 20 pounds like most everyone else in my graduating class.
8 - Pay attention to the values of a me-first generation.
*No need to recap 2007. It would be like the Oscars doing a tribute to the worst movies made this year.