Oct 18, 2012 17:19
I miss your soft lips. I miss your white sheets. I miss the scratch of your unshaved face on my cheek. And this is so hard ‘cause I didn’t see that you were the love of my life and it kills me. I see your face in strangers’ on the street. I still say your name when I’m talking in my sleep. And, in the limelight, I play it off fine, but I can’t handle it when I turn off my night light.
“I hate you.” “I hope you’re happy.” “Is this really what you want?” “You’re such an idiot.” “It’s unfair.” “You’re such a jerk!” “...I miss you.”
The conversations were never the same, but the fight was always there. It was always some adrenaline boiling just beneath the surface. Neither of them knew what exactly their fights were about, but it didn’t matter. The words were always getting in the way. Admittedly, both of them hated it, but, for some reason, neither of them wanted to change it either. The routine was putting a strain on their hearts though, their brains through the wringer, and their bodies to the test. They never fought anything out with fist or inanimate objects, but the words were enough to leave bruises and scars that would take forever and a half to heal.
But, no matter how much it hurt, the end would never come. They didn’t want it. But we can never be sure of how things turn out.
CRASH! CRASH! CRASH!
Plate after plate went flying across the kitchen into the opposing wall. Jinki ducked as the dishware crashed just near the top of his head, pieces of the glass falling into his hair. This was the first time that things had ever escalated to this point. She’d never thrown things at him.
He shook his hair, both of them freezing and listening to the sound of the glass hit the linoleum flooring. Lina had another plate in hand and was prepared to throw it, even as he took another step towards her. His thin almond eyes narrowed and he gripped her wrist, forcing her to loosen her grip on the dish. He took it from her hand and set it on the counter. Snatching her wrist back, she shoved him so that he stumbled back.
They didn’t know why they were upset. There was never really any reason to it, but something about the fight was just...normal. It was something that they both needed. It kept them in a place of safety. They both knew it was bad for them, both knew that words hurt just as badly as sticks and stones did at this point.
“Why are you such an idiot,” he sighed, having regained his balance and now looking for the broom and dustpan to sweep up the broken glass.
“I’m not an idiot. All you have to do it listen to me. You make it seem like that’s such a hard task,” she muttered, staring at the plate on the counter.
This most recent argument had started from the smallest thing and escalated all too quickly into something dangerous. That was the one thing that all of the arguments had in common.
“I do listen to you. What makes you think that I don’t,” he sneered, objective of retrieving the broom and dustpan completely forgotten by now.
“Don’t act like you do. You never do,” she had picked up the plate again. Something in her was daring him to say something else. If she could just hear his breath, she knew she was going to throw the plate. They both knew it.
“Don’t you dare” was all he said. That was all the motivation that she needed. The porcelain dashed towards his head, landing on his shoulder and shattering there. It probably shouldn’t have turned out as badly as it did, but it was their relationship. It was no surprise.
A thin line of blood appeared on Jinki’s cheek, a piece of the plate having gone askew and cut nicely. There was blood seeping through his shirt, too. When the plate collided, a good piece of it had lodged itself into his shoulder. They both stared at the blood-stained shirt and how it was beginning to pour down his arm, darkening the light gray fabric.
He slowly tugged out the shard of the broken plate from his shoulder, adding it to the pile of broken glass already on the floor. He made his way towards her and she backed away.
Things were never supposed to get this out of hand. They never had before. Why had they? Why now?
They say that true love hurts. Well, this could almost kill me. Young love murder, that is what this must be. I would give it all to not be sleeping alone, alone. The life is fading from me while you watch my heart bleed. Young love murder, that is what this must be. I would give it all to not be sleeping alone, alone.
Lina shoved him away again when he got close enough. He made to grab her wrists, or at least her arms, but missed and stumbled back onto the floor. She ran to the front door with him following after her soon enough. He yelled out her name, standing in the doorway, holding his bleeding shoulder. She stopped at the edge of the walkway, where it met the sidewalk. Their eyes met and they stared at each other.
“Where do you think you’re going? Don’t you realize what time it is? How stupid are you?”
“I’m not stupid! You’re an idiot. You’re always starting this crap. You’re a freaking idiot, you know that?”
This was how things went. How they usually went. In the house, though. Both of them could feel this was not their ordinary routine.
A moment passed. Her heartbeat was so loud that she could hear it pounding in her ears, so hard that it felt like her eardrums were numb. Next thing she knew, she was running down the sidewalk. Lina had no idea where it was that her feet were carrying her, but it didn’t matter as long as she was running.
Jinki was right behind her. His feet following the path that she was leading. He didn’t care where they were going. All that mattered was that he could see her. All that mattered was that she wasn’t disappearing.
SCREECH!
Since when did their neighborhood have so many lights? There usually weren’t this many people wandering around at this time where they lived. After a good look around, it was obvious that they’d reached the downtown. How long had they been running?
“Don’t you dare die on me!” Crying? What was going on? Why would someone be crying all of a sudden?
The lights had gone dark. Faint noises could be heard, but, soon, it was silent.
~~~~~
Lina stared at Jinki in the hospital bed. Her eyes were watery and she couldn’t think straight. Her body was shaking and her breath ragged. She hadn’t even realized that she was talking.
“I hate you.” “I hope you’re happy.” “Is this really what you want?” “You’re such an idiot.” “It’s unfair.” “You’re such a jerk!” “...I miss you.”
She wasn’t sure how much time had gone by. It didn’t matter. She wanted her Jinki back. The sunshine smile that could warm her from the inside out. Those strong arms that would hold her back from doing something stupid, that would hug her before her tears could even fall. His eyes that were definitely the window to his soul, but a window that the both of them knew that she was the only one that could read what was hidden there. His heartbeat that lulled her to sleep after he’d fallen asleep before her from them singing a lullaby together.
Her chest ached as if there were a gaping hole there.
~~~~~
“I hate you.” “I hope you’re happy.” “Is this really what you want?” “You’re such an idiot.” “It’s unfair.” “You’re such a jerk!” “...I miss you.” “I hate you.” “I hope you’re happy.” “Is this really what you want?” “You’re such an idiot.” “It’s unfair.” “You’re such a jerk!” “...I miss you.”
It was my past life, a beautiful time. Drunk off of nothing but each other 'til the sunrise.
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone, alone...
“Lina, please, don’t die on me!”
Her eyes shot open and she choked on the air that was trying to get into her lungs. Just as she had caught her breath, she’d lost it again.
“Jinki,” she croaked out, when her vision finally cleared and her breath had evened out enough for her to speak. Her voice cracked, her throat raw from lack of use. She realized that Jinki was crying into her chest. She called his name again and he finally pulled away enough to look at her.
She was weak, but she managed to get her hands to his cheeks, placing her palms against them and wiping away his tears with her thumbs. “Why are you crying,” she choked out, coughing once she did.
He just stared at her for a moment, “Because you scared the hell out of me.”
She raised a brow, unsure of what he was talking about.
“You really don’t remember at all?”
Lina shook her head. All she could remember was that he was supposed to be the one in the hospital, not her. He’d gotten hit by that car, hadn’t he?
“You were hit by a car...”
Her eyes widened and she wrapped her arms around herself. Was the fight before they left the house even real? She hesitantly reached out a hand to touch the shoulder that she had remembered being cut with the plate. He cringed and she pulled her hand back immediately. Her fingers traced where the piece of the plate had cut his cheek. There was a faint scar there, but it looked like it had healed.
“How long...?”
“I don’t know...” he mumbled, “About three weeks, I think...”
He knew what she meant. They looked into each other’s eyes and she began crying. She remembered the pain in her chest from her dream. Just looking into his eyes made all the pain return. The thought of losing someone as precious as him.
“I’m sorry,” she rested her head on his shoulder and he rubbed her back comfortingly.
“I am, too,” he kissed the top of her head, “I’m so sorry...”
The arguments never ended this way. They were never supposed to.
Lina looked at Jinki, seeing that he was crying again. She was about to ask why he was crying again, but he smiled weakly.
“I love you,” he stated, looking her in her eyes.
The three words they hadn’t said since about the time they’d first gotten together. That pain she had felt at first in her chest had become a new kind of pain. It was like it had hurt to actually hear the words she hadn’t heard in such a long time. Before she knew it, she was crying again, too.
“I love you, too, Jinki,” she smiled through her silent tears, “Very, very much.”
He kissed her forehead and then kissed her lips. She kissed back and wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him as tightly to her as she possibly could, although too weak to have a really good hold on him.
...A beautiful time. Drunk off of nothing but each other 'til the sunrise...
fluff,
ambieassassin,
oneshot,
romance,
ambie,
onew,
passive,
agressive,
jinki,
llama