Roleplay Confessions Collection: Fear
i'm sorry. to one or the both of you. all of you? i've done nothing right and, deep down, there's a part of you that hates me and i need that. i need to know how much i've hurt you because you treat me as if i never do anything wrong. it scares me because everything is my fault and you never let me take blame. i don't understand why you treat me so well when i know i hurt you. i want you but i can't have you. i want to fight for you but i think i've accepted that you won't be mine. we play along the dangerously thin line of friendship and lovers, although we've never touched more than hugs and holding hands. do kisses count? because they're few and rare. i'm scared of hurting you and i'm scared of being hurt. i'm not good with friends and i'm even worse with love. i don't believe in it and i can't remember a time when i did. but i truly feel something for you and it's so foreign that it gives my butterflies. the kind that make your stomach turn and make you want to spew all your words. i fall easily for people that care about me and then, somewhere along the way, i realize what happened and i try to back away. for you, i crave your company and then i withdraw because i'm scared. there's no other way to describe it. i want to be in your arms but what if you don't want me after i'm all yours. will you toss me away? it's what i'm most afraid of. i don't want to be broken because i can't handle it but i'm breaking another because i've fallen for another. i'm forever at a loss and a standstill. i don't know what to do and you're disappearing from me again. it hurts and it's making everything worse. were we always meant to be this close - this close with a thin line drawing us to stand on opposite sides of the playing field? is this what we deserve? why can't i have you? you, the one who holds my heart?