Oops. This is Love but I'm at War With Myself.
Title: Oops. This is Love but I'm at War With Myself.
Author: igmyeongcheonsa
Pairing: Minho/Amber (Me)
Rating: PG...Should be.
Legnth: 3,175 words
Companion Fics: Hate | From Flicker to Flame | Jealousy | My Heart Is Not Yours.
A/N: Okay, so the last installation was supposed to be the last... I don't know what's going on, but I was suddenly reminded of these stories and was like inspired to write more. FML I AM NOT DONE... I don't know... I don't think I am. UGH I don't know where this is going or what in the world I'm thinking. Inspired by: "Heartbreak Warfare" - John Mayer; "Heart Attack" - Demi Lovato; "Just Give Me A Reason" - Pink feat. Nate Ruess
Summary: Amber was technically free. But for something that didn't even last that long, the pounding in her chest is telling her it's more serious than she thought it was.
An ordinary day at work. It’d been a long time since she’d had just an ordinary day. After finally getting back to work from her week-long hospital stay, she had to deal with two more weeks of Key, Jonghyun, and Jinki attempting to tend to her every single need. Even though her job entailed for it to be the other way around. Those two weeks, it would seem as if she had a restraining order against Minho and Taemin, or some really strong force field around herself that repelled them specifically. They seemed to actually refuse going anywhere near her and vanished at the first chance they got if they thought there was a chance that they would be left alone with her. They were unintentionally making her stressed out again.
It was now a month after she’d passed out from stress and it was the quietest her world had ever been. She’d been assigned as a full-time assistant for EXO, which was much harder work than it seemed, but it allowed her more peace since she didn’t have to worry about seeing Minho or Taemin on a daily basis. Her heart was able to rest a bit.
Amber was sitting in one of the meeting rooms in the SM building, going over EXO’s schedule for the week, aligning her schedule along with theirs, and applauding herself at how she’d set everything up so perfectly. It was slightly irritating that she had so many colors and sticky tabs decorating her organizer, but it made it a lot easier to keep things aligned between the two planners.
She gathered her belongings and slid them into her bag, getting up and slipping her jacket on when she heard the door creak open. It was the kind of creaking that made it obvious someone knew you were in the room and they weren’t sure whether it was okay to disturb you or not.
She looked up at the figure in the doorway, after getting her coat buttoned up and her bag slung over her shoulder. Taemin stood there like a deer in headlights, even though she was pretty sure he knew she was in there. His fingers curled around the door handle tightened their grip and she could feel knots in her stomach twisting the same way. Should she apologize? Or should he? Was there anything to really say between them? She’d never answered him after his love confession but, then again, he’d never said anything or tried to contact her either.
She stuffed her hands into her pockets after pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose, catching them just before they could fall off. Making her way to the door, she realized that he wasn’t going to move. And he wasn’t. He had no intentions of getting out of her way, just yet.
“What is it, Taemin,” she asked, softly, keeping her eyes down to the floor.
“Are you ever going to give me an answer,” his reply was in a tone just as soft as hers.
Amber looked up at him, raising a brow. His gaze met hers and she could tell that he was serious, “You haven’t said a word to me since...And you’ve avoided me...Do you really expect me to believe that what you said is true?”
“I was nervous. I figured since you didn’t answer me, you just had to think about it. Jinki told me that Jeanne said you had been in the hospital and...”
“And what? That it had something to do with you?”
He nodded and she caught his grip tightening on the handle again. “I’ve been worried about you, but I... I just couldn’t bring myself to talk to you.”
“Why’s that,” Amber wasn’t sure whether that was anger or sadness or nervousness or whatever settling comfortably in her chest.
“Minho found out about me confessing to you instead of what he sent me to ask. He hasn’t been talking to me since and I’ve been feeling really guilty. When I found out I was part of the reason you were in the hospital, it made it even harder to face you. I can’t apologize though because I do want to be with you...”
Her eyes had eventually made their way back down to the floor, “I don’t know what to do... I want to be with you, too...”
A cheerful “hello” startled them. It was Jeanne’s voice as she walked up to the room.
“Hey, we have a meeting soon. What’re you doing in here,” Jeanne smiled at Amber, wondering why Taemin wasn’t moving out of the doorway.
“I was just fixing up my organizers. Got a lot of stuff coming up,” Amber returned the smile, albeit a bit forced.
Jeanne hadn’t seemed to notice it though. She nodded once and went to trying to nudge Taemin out of the way so she could get in. His mind was admittedly elsewhere. It was obvious.
The eldest of the three made her way to hug her roommate, “Well, SHINee’s 5th anniversary party is tonight. Tomorrow is with the fans. Please, tell me you’re going to come.”
Amber’s plastered smile turned uneasy. It couldn’t be hidden this time, “I wouldn’t miss it.”
“I’ll see you back at home then and we can pick out our outfits, okay?”
She glanced at Taemin, their gaze meeting for the second time. He gave her a smile and the knots were twisting in her stomach again as she left the room.
~~~
“Even though you’re not their personal assistant anymore, you still have to look your best at the event. It’s one of those black-tie kind of parties tonight.”
Jeanne’s voice traveled from the bathroom, the door wide open as she went through both her and Amber’s (mainly Amber’s) makeup bags for the right color eyeliner. Amber could hear the excitement in her voice. Her best friend was really looking forward to this party.
Amber was standing in her bedroom, leaning against the doorpost and trying to decide on which dress she wanted to wear. She had three options splayed on her bed, each had something different and fitting to the occasion. The first wasn’t exactly a dress, but when she wore the top and skirt together, a lot of people actually questioned if it was. It was a light blue outfit, close enough to be considered the same shade as SHINee’s fandom color. The top was one of those sleeveless sheer blouses. The skirt was a pencil skirt that reached just below her knees, with a nice-sized slit up the left side. Both top and bottom were of the same shade of blue. The thick black belt she’d paired with it this time, broke it up. She wondered if she should change to the white accessory set she had as a backup. It was possible she’d end up changing it if she decided to wear it.
The second choice was an actual dress that reached to about the same length as the pencil skirt. It was just a little black dress. The top was a turtleneck, a thin material that wouldn’t make her hot with all the moving around she was bound to do at the party. A thin gold chain hung around the waist as a decorative belt, the end of the chain hanging down on the same side as the small slit up the side. Amber kind of almost sort of really wanted to wear this dress because it was one of her comfortable ones and it was one of her favorites. It also dawned on her that she was pretty sure she didn’t have proper shoes to wear with it though. It had usually been paired with a jean jacket of the dark denim variety and a pair of her studded combat boots. Class meets everyday runaround worker. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea for the party after all.
Her last option seemed her best out of her final three choices. It was a cute little party dress. It was a new addition to her closet. A gift a colleague had gotten for her when they found out about her being made a permanent assistant for SM’s most recent boy group. It was just her style, too. It was close to the pearlescent blue like the first option, but a shade darker? A shade lighter? She couldn’t really tell, but it wasn’t exactly the same. It could still be mistaken for it though. It went to her knee, but the ruffles made it seem shorter, especially since it left a good bit of her thigh exposed. There were both white and black spirals of jewled embroidery crossing from the right hip, just above the skirt of the dress, exploding across the chest and above the ruffles to the left. The strapless sweetheart dress was just calling to her. Jeanne had said it was a formal event, so... Why not sparkle a little?
Amber went to putting the rest of her clothes back in the closet, going through and looking for which pair of shoes she’d pair with her dress. She heard her roommate call to her in question of whether she should curl her hair or not. The younger suggested just leaving it out and straight, warning her that there was a possibility that she would sweat out the curls or something along those lines. Jeanne agreed.
They’d switched places. Amber took the bathroom, getting her makeup out and ready. She’d chosen her outfit now and this was the last part...besides her hair. It’d been a while since she’d straightened it herself. It was still technically straight from her salon trip with Jeanne a few days before. She applied very little heat to it and ended up pinning most of it up. The extra straightening helped just the bit she needed it to.
She was working on her makeup when she was called into the main hallway. She laughed under her breath, watching her unnie spinning in circles, all ready to go.
“Do I look okay,” she asked nervously, once she finally stopped spinning.
Jeanne had gone for the little black dress. It was a party dress like the one Amber was choosing to wear but with a noticeably less amount of ruffles and sparkles. It wasn’t too flashy but it was definitely perfect to wear for the party. Where Amber’s dress was black and white, Jeanne’s was accented with silver. And instead of no straps, it was more of a slight sleeve than an actual one, the dress jutting just a tad off her shoulder. The neckline was round, dropping just enough to let the silver chain with pink-colored diamonds take center stage. On her feet, she donned studded leather platform espadrilles.
“You look amazing. I’d say you’ve been shopping with Key,” Amber raised a brow, grinning proudly when she noticed the look on her unnie’s face, “Well, take pictures once I’m done getting ready.”
She smiled brightly, hurrying back into the bathroom, finishing her hair and makeup. She was back in her room in a flash, stripping and changing. A glance at the clock and she realized she didn’t even know what time the party started. It was obvious that they weren’t going to be late since she hadn’t heard a warning or anything about it yet from Jeanne.
She slipped her dress on. It was a fit that made her ecstatic. It was her first time wearing it and it just felt right, so did the shoes that she settled on. They were also a new addition to her closet. Well, they weren’t exactly knew, but the white platform sneakers just hadn’t been worn yet. She wanted the perfect moment to and she couldn’t imagine a better reason to slip them on. The gems that pretty much bedazzled the side of the sneakers were of blacks and grays. There was no need for much accesories in her opinion with what sparkle she was already wearing. A few white bands were slid onto her wrist along with a silver earrings and necklace set that was made to appear tarnished. All ready.
Amber slipped out of her room, matching blue clutch, with optional strap attached, on her shoulder. Her breath stuck in her throat as she caught sight of the boys in her living room, swallowing thickly. Jonghyun was the first to spot her, hopping up from his place on the arm of their couch to hug her and spin her around.
“Hey, you’re almost taller than me,” he joked, smiling his bright smile as he set her down.
She plucked his forehead, “As much as I would like to claim being taller than you, I’m not even close. Even with my platforms on.”
“You’re finally wearing them,” Key shouted, hopping up now, “And here I thought, for the first time, I gave someone a gift they didn’t like.”
“For someone who’s never been in my closet, I still wonder how you manage to know that I wanted this exact pair.”
“Fashion is my forte,” he grinned, toying with the ruffles on her dress.
“Where’s Jeanne,” she smiled, suddenly realizing two boys were missing from the room.
“They’re already down in the van,” Jinki stood up now, “You’re all ours.”
Amber brushed off whatever feeling was trying to rise and she smiled more, “Let’s go party~”
~~~
In Amber’s mind, it would be nice to say that everything went smoothly. It would be nice to say that everything wasn’t awkward and everyone was happy. It would be nice to say that she didn’t end up in Minho’s arms in some corner of the venue that no one paid attention to, just dancing. It was obvious that neither of them were paying attention to any of the songs that played while they danced. They were in their own world, the same imaginary tune carrying easily between them as they swayed.
“I think this is the first time that I’ve danced with you, ever,” Minho’s soft tone made his voice sound deeper than it was.
She silently listened to the rumbling in his chest as he spoke, her breathing uneasy. Was it bad that she suddenly felt the urge to cry?
It would have been nice to say that the lights and the balloons and happy people cheered her up. And that her heart wasn't shattering loud enough that she could have sworn everyone could hear it as the boys made their speeches, thanking everyone for coming, telling everyone to enjoy, and thanking everyone again, but this time for all the support. She truly wondered if the shattering could be heard over their words.
It would be wrong to say that she wanted both. It wouldn’t make sense for her to love them equally, would it? The slight shaking of her hands made her twice as uneasy. She shouldn’t have let Minho hold her. Although, it wouldn’t have mattered either way. Taemin made it worse when he stepped down from the stage, coming over to her and asking for a dance of his own with her. Did he see her with Minho? She wished he didn’t. She just silently hoped and prayed that he didn’t as she followed his lead.
Amber’s head was spinning as she danced with him. His smile carried her off to somewhere else and she could only smile in return. He leaned in to kiss her cheek, a simple light peck that made her heart flutter.
“You look beautiful, noona,” he whispered softly, still leaning into her from his kiss.
This was wrong. So, so wrong. She felt like she belonged in both Taemin and Minho’s arms. She wanted both and didn’t want to hurt either. Being honest with herself, not being with either of them was hurting her, too.
She couldn’t be with Minho and hurt him again if she knew Taemin was going to be on her mind, but she couldn’t do the vice versa of the situation either. It wouldn’t be fair to hurt either of them like that. Hadn’t Minho gone through enough of that?
She cast Taemin another soft smile as he dismissed himself, their manager calling him over and giving him a look that was clear he had no choice but to go see what it was about. Amber stood where she was for a moment, wrapping her arms around herself and trying to get her thoughts together. Maybe it was a bad idea to come after all. She could have sworn she was mentally and emotionally reaching some kind of recovery, and maybe she was, but this party. Seeing them again... Wounds were opening and unreadable feelings were surfacing.
...Was she in love?
...Had she fallen in love?
...Is that why it hurt this bad?
“You look like you’re going to pass out. Are you okay,” Jeanne asked her dongsaeng, speaking just so that the younger could hear.
Amber couldn’t even fake a smile this time. “What if I’m in love...?” She muttered, looking away from her unnie and down at their shoes, her body feeling stiff.
The older’s eyes widened before her eyebrows slid together, “Amber...In love with who?”
She looked up hesitantly, trying to search from some answer in her best friend’s face but shook her head, looking down again. “What if I fell in love with Minho?”
Jeanne cleared her throat, wondering just where this was going. She placed a comforting hand on her dongsaeng’s shoulder, “What about Taemin?”
Amber shook her head, tucking a loose strand behind her ear, “I don’t know...But I think...I think Minho managed to steal at least some of my heart. I can’t go back to him though.”
“He’d like that though.”
“I still like Taemin though. My heart skips whenever he gets close to me...I want one of them. Is-Is that okay?”
Amber was a breath away from from screaming when she felt arms circle around her waist. Minho could tell that he’d scared her and immediately began muttering apologies. She smiled to herself, bowing her head and telling him that it was okay. She made to turn around in his arms and paused, hearing how his heart was practically pounding in his chest.
“It’s okay,” Jeanne smiled softly, “I think you’ve made your choice though.”
Amber turned back around to look at her, only catching her back as she walked away. Minho turned her back around to face him, keeping a tight hold of her.
“What was she talking about?”
“I think I’m in love with you, Choi Minho...”
His round eyes widened for only a instant before he was crushing the small girl against his broad chest, “That’s good enough.”
“Pabo,” she muttered softly, finding herself relaxing in his hold anyway.
“So, you’re mine again,” he pulled away only enough to look down at her.
She glanced up at him and made a slight face, “Stupid, do you really have to ask?”
His hold tightened around her waist again as he leaned down to kiss her, her lips meeting his and making him smile.
Author: igmyeongcheonsa
Pairing: Minho/Amber (Me)
Rating: PG...Should be.
Legnth: 3,175 words
Companion Fics: Hate | From Flicker to Flame | Jealousy | My Heart Is Not Yours.
A/N: Okay, so the last installation was supposed to be the last... I don't know what's going on, but I was suddenly reminded of these stories and was like inspired to write more. FML I AM NOT DONE... I don't know... I don't think I am. UGH I don't know where this is going or what in the world I'm thinking. Inspired by: "Heartbreak Warfare" - John Mayer; "Heart Attack" - Demi Lovato; "Just Give Me A Reason" - Pink feat. Nate Ruess
Summary: Amber was technically free. But for something that didn't even last that long, the pounding in her chest is telling her it's more serious than she thought it was.
An ordinary day at work. It’d been a long time since she’d had just an ordinary day. After finally getting back to work from her week-long hospital stay, she had to deal with two more weeks of Key, Jonghyun, and Jinki attempting to tend to her every single need. Even though her job entailed for it to be the other way around. Those two weeks, it would seem as if she had a restraining order against Minho and Taemin, or some really strong force field around herself that repelled them specifically. They seemed to actually refuse going anywhere near her and vanished at the first chance they got if they thought there was a chance that they would be left alone with her. They were unintentionally making her stressed out again.
It was now a month after she’d passed out from stress and it was the quietest her world had ever been. She’d been assigned as a full-time assistant for EXO, which was much harder work than it seemed, but it allowed her more peace since she didn’t have to worry about seeing Minho or Taemin on a daily basis. Her heart was able to rest a bit.
Amber was sitting in one of the meeting rooms in the SM building, going over EXO’s schedule for the week, aligning her schedule along with theirs, and applauding herself at how she’d set everything up so perfectly. It was slightly irritating that she had so many colors and sticky tabs decorating her organizer, but it made it a lot easier to keep things aligned between the two planners.
She gathered her belongings and slid them into her bag, getting up and slipping her jacket on when she heard the door creak open. It was the kind of creaking that made it obvious someone knew you were in the room and they weren’t sure whether it was okay to disturb you or not.
She looked up at the figure in the doorway, after getting her coat buttoned up and her bag slung over her shoulder. Taemin stood there like a deer in headlights, even though she was pretty sure he knew she was in there. His fingers curled around the door handle tightened their grip and she could feel knots in her stomach twisting the same way. Should she apologize? Or should he? Was there anything to really say between them? She’d never answered him after his love confession but, then again, he’d never said anything or tried to contact her either.
She stuffed her hands into her pockets after pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose, catching them just before they could fall off. Making her way to the door, she realized that he wasn’t going to move. And he wasn’t. He had no intentions of getting out of her way, just yet.
“What is it, Taemin,” she asked, softly, keeping her eyes down to the floor.
“Are you ever going to give me an answer,” his reply was in a tone just as soft as hers.
Amber looked up at him, raising a brow. His gaze met hers and she could tell that he was serious, “You haven’t said a word to me since...And you’ve avoided me...Do you really expect me to believe that what you said is true?”
“I was nervous. I figured since you didn’t answer me, you just had to think about it. Jinki told me that Jeanne said you had been in the hospital and...”
“And what? That it had something to do with you?”
He nodded and she caught his grip tightening on the handle again. “I’ve been worried about you, but I... I just couldn’t bring myself to talk to you.”
“Why’s that,” Amber wasn’t sure whether that was anger or sadness or nervousness or whatever settling comfortably in her chest.
“Minho found out about me confessing to you instead of what he sent me to ask. He hasn’t been talking to me since and I’ve been feeling really guilty. When I found out I was part of the reason you were in the hospital, it made it even harder to face you. I can’t apologize though because I do want to be with you...”
Her eyes had eventually made their way back down to the floor, “I don’t know what to do... I want to be with you, too...”
A cheerful “hello” startled them. It was Jeanne’s voice as she walked up to the room.
“Hey, we have a meeting soon. What’re you doing in here,” Jeanne smiled at Amber, wondering why Taemin wasn’t moving out of the doorway.
“I was just fixing up my organizers. Got a lot of stuff coming up,” Amber returned the smile, albeit a bit forced.
Jeanne hadn’t seemed to notice it though. She nodded once and went to trying to nudge Taemin out of the way so she could get in. His mind was admittedly elsewhere. It was obvious.
The eldest of the three made her way to hug her roommate, “Well, SHINee’s 5th anniversary party is tonight. Tomorrow is with the fans. Please, tell me you’re going to come.”
Amber’s plastered smile turned uneasy. It couldn’t be hidden this time, “I wouldn’t miss it.”
“I’ll see you back at home then and we can pick out our outfits, okay?”
She glanced at Taemin, their gaze meeting for the second time. He gave her a smile and the knots were twisting in her stomach again as she left the room.
~~~
“Even though you’re not their personal assistant anymore, you still have to look your best at the event. It’s one of those black-tie kind of parties tonight.”
Jeanne’s voice traveled from the bathroom, the door wide open as she went through both her and Amber’s (mainly Amber’s) makeup bags for the right color eyeliner. Amber could hear the excitement in her voice. Her best friend was really looking forward to this party.
Amber was standing in her bedroom, leaning against the doorpost and trying to decide on which dress she wanted to wear. She had three options splayed on her bed, each had something different and fitting to the occasion. The first wasn’t exactly a dress, but when she wore the top and skirt together, a lot of people actually questioned if it was. It was a light blue outfit, close enough to be considered the same shade as SHINee’s fandom color. The top was one of those sleeveless sheer blouses. The skirt was a pencil skirt that reached just below her knees, with a nice-sized slit up the left side. Both top and bottom were of the same shade of blue. The thick black belt she’d paired with it this time, broke it up. She wondered if she should change to the white accessory set she had as a backup. It was possible she’d end up changing it if she decided to wear it.
The second choice was an actual dress that reached to about the same length as the pencil skirt. It was just a little black dress. The top was a turtleneck, a thin material that wouldn’t make her hot with all the moving around she was bound to do at the party. A thin gold chain hung around the waist as a decorative belt, the end of the chain hanging down on the same side as the small slit up the side. Amber kind of almost sort of really wanted to wear this dress because it was one of her comfortable ones and it was one of her favorites. It also dawned on her that she was pretty sure she didn’t have proper shoes to wear with it though. It had usually been paired with a jean jacket of the dark denim variety and a pair of her studded combat boots. Class meets everyday runaround worker. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea for the party after all.
Her last option seemed her best out of her final three choices. It was a cute little party dress. It was a new addition to her closet. A gift a colleague had gotten for her when they found out about her being made a permanent assistant for SM’s most recent boy group. It was just her style, too. It was close to the pearlescent blue like the first option, but a shade darker? A shade lighter? She couldn’t really tell, but it wasn’t exactly the same. It could still be mistaken for it though. It went to her knee, but the ruffles made it seem shorter, especially since it left a good bit of her thigh exposed. There were both white and black spirals of jewled embroidery crossing from the right hip, just above the skirt of the dress, exploding across the chest and above the ruffles to the left. The strapless sweetheart dress was just calling to her. Jeanne had said it was a formal event, so... Why not sparkle a little?
Amber went to putting the rest of her clothes back in the closet, going through and looking for which pair of shoes she’d pair with her dress. She heard her roommate call to her in question of whether she should curl her hair or not. The younger suggested just leaving it out and straight, warning her that there was a possibility that she would sweat out the curls or something along those lines. Jeanne agreed.
They’d switched places. Amber took the bathroom, getting her makeup out and ready. She’d chosen her outfit now and this was the last part...besides her hair. It’d been a while since she’d straightened it herself. It was still technically straight from her salon trip with Jeanne a few days before. She applied very little heat to it and ended up pinning most of it up. The extra straightening helped just the bit she needed it to.
She was working on her makeup when she was called into the main hallway. She laughed under her breath, watching her unnie spinning in circles, all ready to go.
“Do I look okay,” she asked nervously, once she finally stopped spinning.
Jeanne had gone for the little black dress. It was a party dress like the one Amber was choosing to wear but with a noticeably less amount of ruffles and sparkles. It wasn’t too flashy but it was definitely perfect to wear for the party. Where Amber’s dress was black and white, Jeanne’s was accented with silver. And instead of no straps, it was more of a slight sleeve than an actual one, the dress jutting just a tad off her shoulder. The neckline was round, dropping just enough to let the silver chain with pink-colored diamonds take center stage. On her feet, she donned studded leather platform espadrilles.
“You look amazing. I’d say you’ve been shopping with Key,” Amber raised a brow, grinning proudly when she noticed the look on her unnie’s face, “Well, take pictures once I’m done getting ready.”
She smiled brightly, hurrying back into the bathroom, finishing her hair and makeup. She was back in her room in a flash, stripping and changing. A glance at the clock and she realized she didn’t even know what time the party started. It was obvious that they weren’t going to be late since she hadn’t heard a warning or anything about it yet from Jeanne.
She slipped her dress on. It was a fit that made her ecstatic. It was her first time wearing it and it just felt right, so did the shoes that she settled on. They were also a new addition to her closet. Well, they weren’t exactly knew, but the white platform sneakers just hadn’t been worn yet. She wanted the perfect moment to and she couldn’t imagine a better reason to slip them on. The gems that pretty much bedazzled the side of the sneakers were of blacks and grays. There was no need for much accesories in her opinion with what sparkle she was already wearing. A few white bands were slid onto her wrist along with a silver earrings and necklace set that was made to appear tarnished. All ready.
Amber slipped out of her room, matching blue clutch, with optional strap attached, on her shoulder. Her breath stuck in her throat as she caught sight of the boys in her living room, swallowing thickly. Jonghyun was the first to spot her, hopping up from his place on the arm of their couch to hug her and spin her around.
“Hey, you’re almost taller than me,” he joked, smiling his bright smile as he set her down.
She plucked his forehead, “As much as I would like to claim being taller than you, I’m not even close. Even with my platforms on.”
“You’re finally wearing them,” Key shouted, hopping up now, “And here I thought, for the first time, I gave someone a gift they didn’t like.”
“For someone who’s never been in my closet, I still wonder how you manage to know that I wanted this exact pair.”
“Fashion is my forte,” he grinned, toying with the ruffles on her dress.
“Where’s Jeanne,” she smiled, suddenly realizing two boys were missing from the room.
“They’re already down in the van,” Jinki stood up now, “You’re all ours.”
Amber brushed off whatever feeling was trying to rise and she smiled more, “Let’s go party~”
~~~
In Amber’s mind, it would be nice to say that everything went smoothly. It would be nice to say that everything wasn’t awkward and everyone was happy. It would be nice to say that she didn’t end up in Minho’s arms in some corner of the venue that no one paid attention to, just dancing. It was obvious that neither of them were paying attention to any of the songs that played while they danced. They were in their own world, the same imaginary tune carrying easily between them as they swayed.
“I think this is the first time that I’ve danced with you, ever,” Minho’s soft tone made his voice sound deeper than it was.
She silently listened to the rumbling in his chest as he spoke, her breathing uneasy. Was it bad that she suddenly felt the urge to cry?
It would have been nice to say that the lights and the balloons and happy people cheered her up. And that her heart wasn't shattering loud enough that she could have sworn everyone could hear it as the boys made their speeches, thanking everyone for coming, telling everyone to enjoy, and thanking everyone again, but this time for all the support. She truly wondered if the shattering could be heard over their words.
It would be wrong to say that she wanted both. It wouldn’t make sense for her to love them equally, would it? The slight shaking of her hands made her twice as uneasy. She shouldn’t have let Minho hold her. Although, it wouldn’t have mattered either way. Taemin made it worse when he stepped down from the stage, coming over to her and asking for a dance of his own with her. Did he see her with Minho? She wished he didn’t. She just silently hoped and prayed that he didn’t as she followed his lead.
Amber’s head was spinning as she danced with him. His smile carried her off to somewhere else and she could only smile in return. He leaned in to kiss her cheek, a simple light peck that made her heart flutter.
“You look beautiful, noona,” he whispered softly, still leaning into her from his kiss.
This was wrong. So, so wrong. She felt like she belonged in both Taemin and Minho’s arms. She wanted both and didn’t want to hurt either. Being honest with herself, not being with either of them was hurting her, too.
She couldn’t be with Minho and hurt him again if she knew Taemin was going to be on her mind, but she couldn’t do the vice versa of the situation either. It wouldn’t be fair to hurt either of them like that. Hadn’t Minho gone through enough of that?
She cast Taemin another soft smile as he dismissed himself, their manager calling him over and giving him a look that was clear he had no choice but to go see what it was about. Amber stood where she was for a moment, wrapping her arms around herself and trying to get her thoughts together. Maybe it was a bad idea to come after all. She could have sworn she was mentally and emotionally reaching some kind of recovery, and maybe she was, but this party. Seeing them again... Wounds were opening and unreadable feelings were surfacing.
...Was she in love?
...Had she fallen in love?
...Is that why it hurt this bad?
“You look like you’re going to pass out. Are you okay,” Jeanne asked her dongsaeng, speaking just so that the younger could hear.
Amber couldn’t even fake a smile this time. “What if I’m in love...?” She muttered, looking away from her unnie and down at their shoes, her body feeling stiff.
The older’s eyes widened before her eyebrows slid together, “Amber...In love with who?”
She looked up hesitantly, trying to search from some answer in her best friend’s face but shook her head, looking down again. “What if I fell in love with Minho?”
Jeanne cleared her throat, wondering just where this was going. She placed a comforting hand on her dongsaeng’s shoulder, “What about Taemin?”
Amber shook her head, tucking a loose strand behind her ear, “I don’t know...But I think...I think Minho managed to steal at least some of my heart. I can’t go back to him though.”
“He’d like that though.”
“I still like Taemin though. My heart skips whenever he gets close to me...I want one of them. Is-Is that okay?”
Amber was a breath away from from screaming when she felt arms circle around her waist. Minho could tell that he’d scared her and immediately began muttering apologies. She smiled to herself, bowing her head and telling him that it was okay. She made to turn around in his arms and paused, hearing how his heart was practically pounding in his chest.
“It’s okay,” Jeanne smiled softly, “I think you’ve made your choice though.”
Amber turned back around to look at her, only catching her back as she walked away. Minho turned her back around to face him, keeping a tight hold of her.
“What was she talking about?”
“I think I’m in love with you, Choi Minho...”
His round eyes widened for only a instant before he was crushing the small girl against his broad chest, “That’s good enough.”
“Pabo,” she muttered softly, finding herself relaxing in his hold anyway.
“So, you’re mine again,” he pulled away only enough to look down at her.
She glanced up at him and made a slight face, “Stupid, do you really have to ask?”
His hold tightened around her waist again as he leaned down to kiss her, her lips meeting his and making him smile.