Pissed off
I am so incredibly pissed off with my high school. SO glad I never have to go back there. It's disorganised, there is SUCH a problem with truancy and drugs, and the sixth form is absolute SHIT.
The teachers' attitudes to sixth form students doesn't bother me. They honestly tried to help. Honestly wanted us to do well. But they didn't prepare ANY of us for the exams properly. NOT AT ALL. Take a look at this.
Predicted Grades for me
Biology: A
Chemistry: A
Maths: B
AAB, not too bad, huh?
Actual grades
Biology: B
Chemistry: C
Maths: B
BBC. Shit. Not enough. EVERYONE in my chemistry class was about two grades below what they were predicted. My friend Vicki was also doing a Biology degree, she was predicted B in Biology and B in Chemistry. She got a C in Biology, a D in Chemistry. And me and her worked HARD. We were the only two students doing Biology. I didn't waste a single moment. We gave up all the clubs we were in, stopped any outside activities. I went over my notes constantly. I understood EVERY SINGLE THING that I was taught in lessons. I came out of my exams thinking I had done well. I thought I had got an A for Biology. SO WHY DID I GET A B? My teachers didn't train us for the exams, they obviously didn't go into enough detail. How were we to know?? I studied everything they gave us and more, yet it wasn't enough. The only reason I got a B in Maths was because I got 92% in one unit. And CHEMISTRY. Shit. I don't know. I needed two B's a an A.
My school was meant to send a letter to the exam boards and my universities about my mum. Guess what. They didn't. And now I'm sitting here, having my application reconsidered. I feel like such a reject. I know that getting those grades, ABB, was well within my reach. I got the third highest GCSE marks in my school. But the sixth form at my school really let me down. This isn't just some cock up they've made. THIS IS THE REST OF MY GOD DAMN LIFE. These grades go with me everywhere. I feel so angry. You know, it's not like I just wasted time, never did any work. I DID PLENTY OF WORK. I worked myself into the ground trying to get those grades. They've just fucked me over. I am so god damn ANGRY. Because I feel stupid. I feel like... I don't know! I don't know how me and Vicki could walk out of those exams feeling like we'd got the grades we needed, and find we did so much worse. I don't understand how my teachers could just stand there and say "Don't worry, you'll be fine." I'D BE FINE YOU ACTUALLY GOT UP OFF YOUR BACKSIDE AND HELPED ME!!!! TAUGHT ME PROPERLY!!!!! MADE SURE I KNEW EVERY SINGLE FUCKING THING I NEEDED TO KNOW!!!! BECAUSE I STUDIED EVERYTHING I WAS TAUGHT!!!!! AND THAT SOMEHOW WASN'T ENOUGH!!!!!! AAAAAAAURRRRRRRGH. I am so pissed off.
My dad is as well. He's not going to let my brother go to the sixth form there. The high school was good until I got to doing my a-levels. Their attitude towards them stinks. I hate that place. I HATE IT. I am so god damn PISSED OFF. A part of me says I should be pissed off, I was a straight A student until I got to the sixth form in that place. But another part of me is saying I am just bitter because I wasn't smart enough to get higher marks at A-level. I really just hate myself at the moment. Just... really disappointed in myself.
And that ends my outburst.
The teachers' attitudes to sixth form students doesn't bother me. They honestly tried to help. Honestly wanted us to do well. But they didn't prepare ANY of us for the exams properly. NOT AT ALL. Take a look at this.
Predicted Grades for me
Biology: A
Chemistry: A
Maths: B
AAB, not too bad, huh?
Actual grades
Biology: B
Chemistry: C
Maths: B
BBC. Shit. Not enough. EVERYONE in my chemistry class was about two grades below what they were predicted. My friend Vicki was also doing a Biology degree, she was predicted B in Biology and B in Chemistry. She got a C in Biology, a D in Chemistry. And me and her worked HARD. We were the only two students doing Biology. I didn't waste a single moment. We gave up all the clubs we were in, stopped any outside activities. I went over my notes constantly. I understood EVERY SINGLE THING that I was taught in lessons. I came out of my exams thinking I had done well. I thought I had got an A for Biology. SO WHY DID I GET A B? My teachers didn't train us for the exams, they obviously didn't go into enough detail. How were we to know?? I studied everything they gave us and more, yet it wasn't enough. The only reason I got a B in Maths was because I got 92% in one unit. And CHEMISTRY. Shit. I don't know. I needed two B's a an A.
My school was meant to send a letter to the exam boards and my universities about my mum. Guess what. They didn't. And now I'm sitting here, having my application reconsidered. I feel like such a reject. I know that getting those grades, ABB, was well within my reach. I got the third highest GCSE marks in my school. But the sixth form at my school really let me down. This isn't just some cock up they've made. THIS IS THE REST OF MY GOD DAMN LIFE. These grades go with me everywhere. I feel so angry. You know, it's not like I just wasted time, never did any work. I DID PLENTY OF WORK. I worked myself into the ground trying to get those grades. They've just fucked me over. I am so god damn ANGRY. Because I feel stupid. I feel like... I don't know! I don't know how me and Vicki could walk out of those exams feeling like we'd got the grades we needed, and find we did so much worse. I don't understand how my teachers could just stand there and say "Don't worry, you'll be fine." I'D BE FINE YOU ACTUALLY GOT UP OFF YOUR BACKSIDE AND HELPED ME!!!! TAUGHT ME PROPERLY!!!!! MADE SURE I KNEW EVERY SINGLE FUCKING THING I NEEDED TO KNOW!!!! BECAUSE I STUDIED EVERYTHING I WAS TAUGHT!!!!! AND THAT SOMEHOW WASN'T ENOUGH!!!!!! AAAAAAAURRRRRRRGH. I am so pissed off.
My dad is as well. He's not going to let my brother go to the sixth form there. The high school was good until I got to doing my a-levels. Their attitude towards them stinks. I hate that place. I HATE IT. I am so god damn PISSED OFF. A part of me says I should be pissed off, I was a straight A student until I got to the sixth form in that place. But another part of me is saying I am just bitter because I wasn't smart enough to get higher marks at A-level. I really just hate myself at the moment. Just... really disappointed in myself.
And that ends my outburst.