The big dissapoinment ever
NoT evEn a Couple of hours ago did i have a great blowout with the man i thought was going to make me happy. PArKeR. He an i fought for a little bit. Said mostly that this isnt going to work, having me move down to florida and stay with him cause we are on two totally different levels, like i have been busting my ass to try to save money and all he can do is say that i should have more money saved then wat i did at the time. and that my cell phone bill is to much to be paying for. WAT! was he thinking that was a BIg No. if i wanted a father i would talk to the one that i have first of all. And he also said to me that he doesnt want me to come down there expecting him to support me you know money wise. i said hold up honey that is not who i am by any means. If i dont have money i go without i dont beg others to give their hard earned money. i just dont think thats right to do. So we got into a beef about that. Now he thinks that i was listening to my friends and my parents when they told me that i shouldnt go down there. Honestly i didnt care what the said i was going. but parker kept dwelling on it and like it freaked him out. i was perfectly happy with the choice that i made. I dont want to be stuff in a state that has nothing for me. but thats besides the point. so Idk he really confused me because he calls me again afta we said our goodbyes and whatever, hes like i feel really bad about us, well sorry hunny but what the f**k I was looking for a partener, and i dont even know what the hell he wanted.
It is such a same because i was really looking foward to seeing him and being with him, but he totally turned me off when he started to act like my father. I see myself as and independent. no matter the f**ked up situation that i am in right now, i am my own, and i would never expect anyone to take care of me. except my parents cause thats their job i dont care what they say.
Every day i would talk to him and tell him the same thing over and over again. yes i want to come down there with you in florida, and he would be like well if you want to stay in ri thats perfectly fine with me. Um hello i just said this to you a hundred times i dont want to stay. like really wats there not to get about that. pritty clear to me. But he made it sound so wonderful, the weather and the location of our appartment i just want to cry, cause i feel like i finally meet a decent guy and uh! why wat is wrong with me. i dont feel that i F**ked any thing up, im the one holding two jobs day and night not getting any sleep hardly and sleeping in my car. come on and then to have someone tell me what i should and shouldnt be doing is not something at this point that i want to hear. I was stressing myself out working 80 hours almost a week and tired as f**k not being able to do the normal things that people do and he has the gal to say some of the things that he did.
He doesnt know me from anything first off and like i dont really know him, but i heard a side of him that wasnt cool at all. and he wouldnt listen to me at all, no matter what i said he didnt believe that that is how i was feeling or that im not being honest with him. He always thought that i was telling him what i thought he would want to hear. first off you live thousands of miles away what would i get out of lieing to you, second i could end this just like that, a simple hang up of the phone and done never to answer your call again, did i do that NO i answer everytime when i wasnt working and actually wanted to hear his voice and to talk to him. He was always saying that "oh you dont get it" what the f**k does that mean i dont get it. i dont think he got it.
My main concern was to work hard and save as much money as i could, so that i could move down there with two months rent and some spending money. Okay i didnt see that as a big deal but honestly how much money can i save in a month lets be real. i have expences outside of saving for florida, i smoke a pack a day, i drive everywhere and i need to eat. so what is that a problem, no because thats my mutha f**ken money and i work way to hard to see it sit and collect dust. i didnt have the problem of saving it even though afta we fought i went out and spent a good portion of it because i got really shit faced, but thats natural for ppl to do when they are depressed bout something, they do what gives them comfort for me its alcohol, and weed.
the last time that we talked it was very civil and nice. He said that he felt bad bout us. Okay, feel bad you just made me do a 360 in less then 5 minutes. But he also tells me that the offer still stands for me to go live with in in south beach. well thats not going to last long because eventually he is going to need a roomate and i will not have enough time to save considering i quit one of my jobs today because i figure why should i work myself ragged now, im not going to florida so what is the point. i may have to pick up a partime job somewhere but im not going to overwork myself like i did. ppl would tell me that i look so tired and how shitty i look. i was always crying because i felt so worn down.
I know that i will be fine, i just have to think of something because it is clear that winter is here and that i am going to freeze to death if i stay in my car.
It is such a same because i was really looking foward to seeing him and being with him, but he totally turned me off when he started to act like my father. I see myself as and independent. no matter the f**ked up situation that i am in right now, i am my own, and i would never expect anyone to take care of me. except my parents cause thats their job i dont care what they say.
Every day i would talk to him and tell him the same thing over and over again. yes i want to come down there with you in florida, and he would be like well if you want to stay in ri thats perfectly fine with me. Um hello i just said this to you a hundred times i dont want to stay. like really wats there not to get about that. pritty clear to me. But he made it sound so wonderful, the weather and the location of our appartment i just want to cry, cause i feel like i finally meet a decent guy and uh! why wat is wrong with me. i dont feel that i F**ked any thing up, im the one holding two jobs day and night not getting any sleep hardly and sleeping in my car. come on and then to have someone tell me what i should and shouldnt be doing is not something at this point that i want to hear. I was stressing myself out working 80 hours almost a week and tired as f**k not being able to do the normal things that people do and he has the gal to say some of the things that he did.
He doesnt know me from anything first off and like i dont really know him, but i heard a side of him that wasnt cool at all. and he wouldnt listen to me at all, no matter what i said he didnt believe that that is how i was feeling or that im not being honest with him. He always thought that i was telling him what i thought he would want to hear. first off you live thousands of miles away what would i get out of lieing to you, second i could end this just like that, a simple hang up of the phone and done never to answer your call again, did i do that NO i answer everytime when i wasnt working and actually wanted to hear his voice and to talk to him. He was always saying that "oh you dont get it" what the f**k does that mean i dont get it. i dont think he got it.
My main concern was to work hard and save as much money as i could, so that i could move down there with two months rent and some spending money. Okay i didnt see that as a big deal but honestly how much money can i save in a month lets be real. i have expences outside of saving for florida, i smoke a pack a day, i drive everywhere and i need to eat. so what is that a problem, no because thats my mutha f**ken money and i work way to hard to see it sit and collect dust. i didnt have the problem of saving it even though afta we fought i went out and spent a good portion of it because i got really shit faced, but thats natural for ppl to do when they are depressed bout something, they do what gives them comfort for me its alcohol, and weed.
the last time that we talked it was very civil and nice. He said that he felt bad bout us. Okay, feel bad you just made me do a 360 in less then 5 minutes. But he also tells me that the offer still stands for me to go live with in in south beach. well thats not going to last long because eventually he is going to need a roomate and i will not have enough time to save considering i quit one of my jobs today because i figure why should i work myself ragged now, im not going to florida so what is the point. i may have to pick up a partime job somewhere but im not going to overwork myself like i did. ppl would tell me that i look so tired and how shitty i look. i was always crying because i felt so worn down.
I know that i will be fine, i just have to think of something because it is clear that winter is here and that i am going to freeze to death if i stay in my car.