(no subject)
lacking sleep. i woke up early to meet a friend for a cheap, greasy breakfast at the Park Cafe. could have used more rest. i woke up last night frequently expecting someone to call or to show up, it was a strange anxiety. i sleep well alone. not worrying about the comfort of anyone but myself. and if you know me, you know that is a new unfamiliar concept. i found myself eating some peanut butter vegan cookies with a friend last night, as we spoke of her plans to marry, and her relationship: and then onto me: what used to be. what we are moving on from. it began to make me sad. she sang a song she had just written: something of farewells. i thought love mattered. i thought that is what made everything worthwhile: when really it comes down to everything but feeling: more reality. assessment. are you happy. do you have fun, do you smile: can you grow together. do dreams come true with a person. i am not doubting things. just reflecting. why have things turned to me? as if you are stepping back to let me go through what i need to with out you. i am fine alone. but you're not. not growing, not pursuing. no gain. no loss. maybe i am just too critical. i'm not really sure what i am looking for besides more fun times, and good friendships. new location. just to see things fade from one thing to another, washing away with the tide. losing and gaining health. traveling one place, and back again. taking note how the sun changes. seasons. and i am still here.