MULTIMEDIA FIC, True Love's First Shag, Arthur/Merlin, NC-17
Title: True Love’s First Shag
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Touching a unicorn has unintended side-effects. (The one where Merlin’s a Disney princess. Sort of.)
Word Count: 745 words
Spoilers: One tiny spoiler for Merlin 1x11 (The Labyrinth of Gedref)
Disclaimer: I don’t own BBC’s Merlin.
Arthur’s Note: Written for the fluff challenge at summerpornathon (the text has been very slightly modified from the original). There are six Disney-movie references hidden inside this story, not including the title. The first person who finds all of them gets a drabble (if they want it)!
Merlin walked into Arthur’s room trailed by a small army of woodland creatures.
“What,” said Arthur, looking up from his breakfast, “are those?”
“Um. Animals?” said Merlin.
“I know that, idiot, I’m asking what they’re doing in my room!” said Arthur.
“I don’t know, they just keep following me!” said Merlin. A bunny nudged its head against Merlin’s ankle, thumping its foot happily against the floor. A fawn teetered in after it.
“Somehow, I know this is your fault,” said Arthur.
“And you’re sure you didn’t do anything?” asked Gauis later (Arthur having sent Merlin away with a terse, “Gauis. Now. Fix it.” Arthur had perhaps still been miffed about that owl-and what was an owl doing out during the morning anyway, Merlin wondered?-snatching his favorite red cloak from his bed and flying off with it).
“Yes, I’m sure!” said Merlin. “Why does everyone keep blaming me?”
Gauis raised an eyebrow. It adequately conveyed his opinion on the matter.
“What other side-effects are you experiencing?” said Gauis. “Besides attracting small, fluffy animals.” He leveled a pointed look at the little black kitten dozing on Merlin’s lap.
“Well, there are mice in my room,” said Merlin.
“That’s not unusual.”
“They talk,” said Merlin. “And they’re sewing me a ball-gown.”
“Ah,” said Gauis. “Anything else?”
“Well, actually, I…I’ve been wanting to sing.”
“Sing?” said Gauis. “Sing what?”
And then Merlin did something quite appalling. He burst out into song.
(CLICK HERE FOR AUDIO)
“Whaaat a wonderful day,
it is gay, it is bright, it is sunny!
And I think, to be frank,
we must ap-pre-ci-ate this date, honey!
Iiiiiii-”
“Yes, yes, that’s quite enough, thank you,” said Gauis.
“There’s something very wrong with me,” said Merlin, glum.
The kitten purred.
“Have you eaten any magic mushrooms lately?” continued Gauis, two hours of fruitless research later. “Stepped in a faerie ring, perhaps?”
“No,” said Merlin. “I think I would have mentioned it if I had! In fact, I haven’t been around anything magical lately, besides that unicorn a week ago-”
“Wait!” said Gauis. “Did you touch it?”
“Um. Yes?” said Merlin.
“Merlin, I say this with love,” said Gauis, “but you’re an idiot.”
“So I’ve heard,” said Merlin.
“Unicorns have an extreme purifying effect. That’s what causing all this.”
“How do I fix it?” said Merlin.
“Truelove’sfirstshag,” Gauis mumbled.
“What?” said Merlin.
“True love’s first shag!” said Gauis.
“I have to shag someone?” said Merlin.
“Not ‘someone,’” said Gauis. “Your true love.”
“Well who’s that?” said Merlin.
“You have to look into your heart for the answer,” said Gauis. Merlin looked extremely unimpressed.
“Go on! Who makes you happiest in the world?” said Gauis.
“…I think I feel a song coming on,” said Merlin. Gauis hurried away.
(CLICK HERE FOR AUDIO)
“I-iiiiii-iiiiii-iiiiii’m
in love with my best friend.
He is pratly and perfect and blond!
He is on my mind
all the time
and he makes me want to sing this song.
He is da-a-a-ashing and daring,
he is ki-i-i-i-ind and caring,
and we shaaaaaare a Destiny together (according to the dragon)!
So why can’t I
find the courage inside me
to tell the truth?”
“Zat was beautiful, Monsieur!” said a candlestick.
“Bugger,” said Merlin.
“Okay, so, I’m under this unicorn purification thing, and I kind of need you to devirginize me in order to get rid of it,” said Merlin.
“Pardon?” said Arthur, choking. Merlin maybe shouldn’t have sprung this on him at lunchtime. But at least they were in Arthur’s room already; with luck, they could get this all over with right now. “Run that by me again.”
Merlin did get Arthur to fuck him, in case you were wondering.
It took five days, three expositorial songs, a wisecracking Arabian parrot, and a castle-wide spontaneous dance routine, but finally Arthur caved.
“Oh,” said Merlin, hands clutching Arthur’s back as Arthur eased into him.
“Fuck, yes, Merlin,” said Arthur, strained, Merlin’s oil-slick arsehole clenched so tightly around his shaft. “Yeah, come on, take it-”
Merlin threw his head back and grunted as Arthur rocked his hips: as Arthur pushed in and out, big and unfamiliar.
“Yes, just like that, god,” said Merlin when Arthur touched something inside him that made Merlin’s stomach seize up with pleasure. His toes curled against the sheets.
“I want more, please, I need-” said Merlin, and Arthur gave it to him; held Merlin’s knees back and pumped into his body, making Merlin shout and come, messy, all over his stomach.
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