pissfuckbitchcuntcockniggereater

[ifudie2niteidie]

i cant stand people. one certain person in general is driving me fucking crazy. i really wish things would work out and we'd be ok. but lets fucking face it when your in a one sided relationship its just not going to fucking happen. and if the person doesnt care enough to try to be friends i dont understand why they want it so badly. or why they say they want it so badly. it just fucking amazes me. and im constantly stressed aobut it. and if it isnt hard enough for us to get along and try to work things out there are girlfriends and boyfriends and psycho ex boyfriends and parents all thrown into the mix that all make it like 293857 times harder to get shit accomplished. when you cant see someone because their girlfriend or boyfriend will get mad then whats the fucking point in trying to be their friend??????? aparantly im the odd person out here bc i see and talk to my friends on a daily basis. everyone knows im friends with this person and i trust them and they trust me. its a mutual respect and care for the person. haha, im so confused. if you have to keep your friendship a secret from your family for whatever reason but still live at home WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT. oh my god. i try and try to just be chill about shit. and i try and try to keep working on this friendship thing but all of the shit i've been thru and shit i've felt and been upset over is sooooo not worth this person. this person is actually not even worth my time for the way hes treated me in the past but of course im an idiot and try to forgive him. for what, only to let him do it again..and again..and again. bc im a fucking idiot like that. although he doesnt seem to think he ever did anything wrong in the first place. i honest to god feel like changing my phone number and blocking him from my myspace bc after all of that he'll have no way to get in touch with me. then whatever happens happens and im no longer responsible for any of his proverbial bullshit. and i dont see how u can be a friend to someone when u cant see the person, be yourself with the person or tell the person your true and honest thoughts on things. i feel like i have to watch what i say bc he'll get upset. and god forbid i bring his gf up about something bc he'll flip shit. fuck that and fuck his gf its not like they'll be together in 3 months any damn way. and then when all of that happens i'll have to hear "so i guess you could say you were right" although i wont need to bc i fucking know it now. and its funny that he gets so pissed and defensive bc he talks shit on my ex someone that was with for longer than hes known his gf and i laugh. he talks shit on one of my other friends and i laugh at that too. but ohhhh no not him. im so fed up with having to act a certain way and be a certain way not to piss him off. i dont do that with any of my other friends so why should he be any fucking different. all of that one one hand on the other i miss him. i have a picture in my mind of the way things were even before we were together...kind of friends just trying to get to know each other. and from what i knew then he would have never been rude or hurtfull to me like he is now. things change so much when you are with a person and break up with them. you all of a sudden feel that you can talk to that person however you want and treat them anyway and all of a sudden they deserve it and are not at all the person you knew before. and in all actuality they were never that way. so i guess you could say i miss the way things never were. and when we're together and laughing all the problems and shit seem to go away. but only for the time being. as soon as i walk away they're all back starting back up with the same 'ol shit again. so its never really fixed. this person and i are in the biggest problem ever. and we will be forever, stuck to each other. i just cant decide if i want to keep letting him treat me badly and just deal with it forever or finally get the guts to say fuck you and do something i want to do for once and be done with this shit. i would all be so diff if we were ok, but we're not. so its time to fucking face some facts. also, im going to try to stop cutting. also, smoking cigarettes while pregnant causes SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome). and im drinking gatorade and so pissed off my ears are hot. also, im talking to my friend joe who's just made my fucking day with the following comments:

sheeyaniiiice: i gotta make a little road trip this weekend
theSweetestFling: lol why
theSweetestFling: to see marcee
sheeyaniiiice: fuck that fat slut
sheeyaniiiice: hell no
sheeyaniiiice: i would suck j-bo's dick before exerting effort to see her

so in closing, i've given up. as of right now im not going to try anymore. if he finally realizes he actually wants to be friends with me he'll do it and actually put heart into it. if not its not worth fighting for.

a;lkdsjf0p'thqTWELKJFASL;DKF;ASKDNFVA;LSKDHFIOWH'pqefklj;skd vm:"ldsFGM:sdlJF'ALKSDHFA;'LISFHOLA omg i feel like everything is out of my control....who am i kidding. it is. die.

but i would like to tell erica i love her and she is the bestest ever.
fletcher..i love you.
and everyone else who is my true friend and i can actually say youre there for me no matter what. i dont know why i waste my time with fake people, but when you find real friends like mine it is allllll worth it.

hahahhhahaha @ my mood.i picked it bc he always says this is the type of person i am. so guess what, fuck you.kk. lkajdf;owiuef if i could pick more than one mood that'd be great as well. damn live journal.