5am
I thought I'd scroll back through my archive to see what I was doing around now in years past, but most of my entries kind of bummed me out. Nothing seems as good as now.
There are birds singing in an empty-room kind of way because it's 5am exactly, and the sky is a dank blue like muddled tubwater. I fell asleep a little after 6pm yesterday, after the church bells rang, thinking of nicknames for F, waiting to happen upon the one like Harvey. I don't have work until Friday and there are a handful of things in my life that I don't want to have to deal with right now (free people pants to return, my therapist really hasn't helped me much at all and I've just been going to appease my mother, I have to finish the page for Scumbag Monthly, going back to a 40hr work week is going to be very hard, Wes messaged me for plans and it read as flirty but if it's not that means I'm desperate, I really wanna be in love) but I don't have to deal with any of that right now. I'm just going to brush my teeth and go back to bed.
Maybe I'll talk about my love guilt with my therapist and solve two of my problems at once. Maybe I'll keep the pants. Maybe I'll wait until I say fuck it and spend fifty dollars for the beastie boys book delivered to my doorstep. Maybe I'll let my horoscope get my hopes up for once.
I've been walking to work at sunrise listening to Root Down and She's Crafty and Brass Monkey.