3.9 was the first warm day of 2020
I spent it with my family and my dad watched the first hour or so of Walk the Line with me, even though I thought he had been putting out disinterested vibes. But instantly, before the image had even come up onscreen, he was fascinated that the movie started with the low end. He kept saying how cool that is, who decided that, to start the movie with the thumping bass of the live music being played in Folsom Prison. The compression on that movie is altogether screech-inducing but he said "that's okay, I'll just sit up close," and he pulled a chair a foot from the TV and sat bent over to hear. And at a certain point I thought, why did I ever think my dad wouldn't like this movie? He mouthed the words during the audition scene. He marveled at the smallness and beauty of the setting. He sang along with the last chorus of Get Rhythm. When Reese said "steady like a train, sharp like a razor," he blew out between his lips. When "I Miss You Already, and You're Not Even Gone" began, he said "Okay, you're killing me." There's nothing in the world that I dream about more, or that never fails to be enticing to me, than making my dad impressed.
We got Prince meatballs for dinner and I went out without any makeup or tweezing going on. I just felt a bit uncomfortably naked. Late that night, he dropped me off at my house and I had missed art night at Paige's, but I texted her and we walked to Dunkin' Donuts at 11pm because my mom had just given me a giftcard. I saw her in front of the courthouse, dancing, and I smiled. When I came up to her and held her arms and pressed my cheek to hers to dance with her, I could hear music buzzing in her earbud against my ear. She was gazing up at the moon and I caught her words--"could not describe night donuts."
"That song. Makes me. Sob." I told her.
"I know! It's the most beautiful--"
"It is the most beautiful song ever written," I said. "Lyrically," I clarified, suddenly nervous of my certainty.
"It IS. You wanna know my favorite line? The one about "laughing quietly underneath my breath!" Underneath MY breath. Because they're so close they're kissing and I am so gay. And the part about the moons, and what if there were two."
"Everything I've ever wanted to write is already in that song. The imagery, it's just perfect."
"YES! The photograph on the dashboard--"
"And the-- Every streetlight a reminder."
We figured he'd kinda done donuts in the parking lot because we'd started eating our donuts in the Dunkin' parking lot, but we walked around town, past the town hall and behind the mall to a strip of a building named after someone who had died, and filled with attorney's offices. We found a church that was pretty and looked over "the first flowers of 2020" but had a creepy ass window lit up indicating the shadowed stairs down to its basement. We talked about starting a print shop or a publishing collective and Paige said I was at the top of her list of collaborators for that. And then she played a song from the Rugrats movie soundtrack and we danced on the corner. It was so warm out I didn't need a jacket and I felt light walking home, still playing with the ideas in my mind about F and paracosms and tulpas and soulbonds and multiplicity. He's watching me roll it all around.