(no subject)
I am confused. And I'm confusing. I sware, when I say things I know what I'm saying but going back and reading what I said? I might as well be handicapped. No one gets it. But this is my journal and I do have some things I need to get off my chest, so I guess this is good.
So first of all, have you ever had a friend that you thought you could trust? And it's not like, oh hey DON'T TELL ANYONE BUT... Ummm.. usually you should just keep your mouth shut about things. I mean honestly, some things just are not your business to tell, right? Like, if something happens and you happen to be in the presense of that thing, you don't have to tell everyone. ESPECIALLY when you ask me not to tell that same someone about what happened with you. Hmm.. pretty hypocritical, don't you think?
And then there's the guy situation. With me, yes, there is always something with guys. But for real, sometimes I feel like I keep going in circles. And I always always feel like I'm doing things for someone else. If I did something because I wanted to, someone would be disappointed or hurt, and I hate doing that to people. But don't you think I want to be happy too? But I don't know if my happiness feels the same. HAHA. Meaning, the person who would make me happy. I sware, I wish I could tell him how I feel, but I can't do it. And I'm not the type to be nervous around guys. But I love hanging out with him, and we've always been so comfortable together, and I care so much about him. And like, when we hang out I feel so happy and I haven't been like that in so long. I don't know. We had a chance once but it didn't work. But we were younger then and it was so stupid, and now I wish that I could make him see how much I care about him. But for now I'll just be his friend until he realizes how I feel.
So first of all, have you ever had a friend that you thought you could trust? And it's not like, oh hey DON'T TELL ANYONE BUT... Ummm.. usually you should just keep your mouth shut about things. I mean honestly, some things just are not your business to tell, right? Like, if something happens and you happen to be in the presense of that thing, you don't have to tell everyone. ESPECIALLY when you ask me not to tell that same someone about what happened with you. Hmm.. pretty hypocritical, don't you think?
And then there's the guy situation. With me, yes, there is always something with guys. But for real, sometimes I feel like I keep going in circles. And I always always feel like I'm doing things for someone else. If I did something because I wanted to, someone would be disappointed or hurt, and I hate doing that to people. But don't you think I want to be happy too? But I don't know if my happiness feels the same. HAHA. Meaning, the person who would make me happy. I sware, I wish I could tell him how I feel, but I can't do it. And I'm not the type to be nervous around guys. But I love hanging out with him, and we've always been so comfortable together, and I care so much about him. And like, when we hang out I feel so happy and I haven't been like that in so long. I don't know. We had a chance once but it didn't work. But we were younger then and it was so stupid, and now I wish that I could make him see how much I care about him. But for now I'll just be his friend until he realizes how I feel.