(no subject)
So... update.
What a crazy past couple of days.
On Friday, CJ came to visit me at work... a grand and pleasant surprize.. But, I was curious as to why he wasn't at work.. he refused to tell me why.. just that he wanted to see me.
So, he hung out with me while I went on break and after work I went home and changed and then went to movies to meet CJ and all of the other folks.. We saw My Super Ex-Girlfriend. Pretty funny film.
After the movie was over, we just kind of hung out because we weren't supposed to be at dinner for a while.. so.. CJ and I went back to his truck and we were just sitting and talking and then I got kind of a weird feeling about why he wouldn't tell me what had happened that day.
He said that something bad happened.. That all of the guys that are here working for ADT and Pinnacle Security (including CJ) had all lost their licensing in Virginia and that they would have to leave soon to go to Minnesota to work. I was horrified at the idea of him leaving already.. especially since he wasn't supposed to go until late October... but then he told me the worst part... He had to be packed and ready to go by Sunday afternoon, after church. And this was Friday night! agh!
so... yea.. I broke down.. I was so upset.. I couldn't stop myself and I started crying.. I just felt like any guy that I have a real relationship with just ends up moving away from me.
It was one of the most horrible feelings... just to go through that again.. knowing that someone I love was leaving me again... I wanted to crawl into the Earth and hide in the dark.. I never wanted to leave that spot.. with he and I there, where no one could take him from me.. I felt so selfish and so justified at the same time.
So.. after a lot of talking, a lot of crying, and a lot of hugging, we went to dinner. Everyone was there. A couple of the other guys that work with CJ had also found girlfriends in Virginia while working here.. but most of them hadn't been together as long as we had.. most of them just a couple of weeks or so.. But all of them looked sad.. and I knew how they felt. We all made a joke that we could start a support group after the guys had left...
CJ kept saying that he wanted me to go with him.. but I thought that he was joking.. I couldn't eat anything... I was just too stressed out to eat.. The long table was full so CJ and I sat in a booth across from it by ourselves.. Kevin(CJ's boss) came and sat with us.. I'm not sure why.. I suppose to keep us company or somthing.. but he just kept saying things that upset me... "Have you been crying? Your eyes are swollen..." *to CJ* "I thought that you said that you were trying to not get attatched to anyone here.." I mean... a lot of the stuff said, was all in jest.. but still.. I had just found out.. they had all been digesting the information all day.. I was still really freaked out.. and I felt like I was on the verge of tears the whole time that we were in the restaurant.... Maria(Kevin's wife.. who is from Brazil.. very short.. and very friendly, and probably one of the friendliest people I've ever met) kept telling us that we should get married.. We just kind of smiled and took it as a compliment of our abilities as a couple. I like Maria.. I'm gonna miss her.
So.. After dinner we all head back to the apartment... everyone was there.. Ryan, Gavin, Clint, Erica, Rebecca, CJ, me.. we were all really quiet.. no one knew what to say.. everyone had their gf close and no one wanted to really talk about the truth.. except for Clint.. because that's the type of person he is.. "I'm gonna miss Virginia.. I like it here.." Everyone just sat in silent agreement.
At some point we decided to play DDR... that lightened the mood.. mainly because CJ was the only person there that was any good... we all stumbled over our own feet.. trying to find a secret to the patterns.. but.. eh.. anything to get our minds off the truth and back into good-old denial.
Finally every one left or passed. out.. I borrowed pj's from CJ and we passed out.. Woke up the next morning and started packing... Packing, packing, packing..packing everything.
That's pretty much all that went down... packing.. taking photos of everyone.. lots of photos.. Finally at the end of the day.. we were worn out.. and still packing.. we stopped and watched a movie before packing up the projector.. and then CJ started to get serious about asking me to go with him to Minnesota.. I didn't know what to think.. Where would I live? "In an extra room in one of the company apartments.. that's what Erica does.." I don't have much money..."Don't worry, I'll pay for everything." But what about school.."You can fly back home when school starts." "Please... come with me.. " I didn't know what to think.. So I went home to fly the idea by my parents.. and instead of freaking like I thought they would.. they just said.. it sounds like fun, and we won't try to stop you if you want to go. I decided that I wanted to go.. If only for a few more weeks... I wanted to see him a bit longer.. to at least figure out where we wanted our relationship to go.. But I couldn't shake the feeling that I might get out there and have no where to live.. I went back to the apartment to help pack some more.. CJ and I passed out at some point.. and we woke this morning.. and I asked him to talk with Kevin to see if it would be okay for me to stay in an empty room in one of the apartments... Kevin said that I technically wasn't allowed to stay in an apartment because I'm not kin to anyone like Erica is.. she's one of the office girls' sister. And I really felt at that moment that I might get out there and end up in a hotel... and I couldn't afford that.. and even though CJ assured me that he'd pay for it all.. I didn't want him to spend his money on me.. not like that..
So.. here I am.. in Virginia.. He left at 5:30.. and I already miss him terribly. I wish that I had just gone.. that I would have just quit my stupid job, gotten in the car and left. I did it last summer.. why could I this summer?! agh.. I don't know.. somthing was holding me back.. I guess that I just didn't want to go out there on a wing and a prayer and then be disappointed and have to fly back.. Just delay the inevitable..
But, I'll be okay I think. I'm incredibly depressed that he's gone already.. but I'll see him again.. He won a cruise from his company and we're gonna go on it in October when he's done in Minnesota... I look forward to seeing him again. He may go to Utah after that to go to school and work.. I have school left.. We're gonna evaluate where we stand then.. and see what we want to do. Maybe I'll fly out to see him.. stay for a while. I'll see when I get to that point I suppose.
Until then.. I'm gonna work as much as I can.. get money for a flight and visit out west... distract myself...
I'm looking at a present that he gave me this morning.. It's a photo album with pics of he and I... I have a couple of favs.. some are hilarious.. agh... I'm just tired right now.. packing and panicing... stressing and striving for answers..
*sigh* I miss you.
What a crazy past couple of days.
On Friday, CJ came to visit me at work... a grand and pleasant surprize.. But, I was curious as to why he wasn't at work.. he refused to tell me why.. just that he wanted to see me.
So, he hung out with me while I went on break and after work I went home and changed and then went to movies to meet CJ and all of the other folks.. We saw My Super Ex-Girlfriend. Pretty funny film.
After the movie was over, we just kind of hung out because we weren't supposed to be at dinner for a while.. so.. CJ and I went back to his truck and we were just sitting and talking and then I got kind of a weird feeling about why he wouldn't tell me what had happened that day.
He said that something bad happened.. That all of the guys that are here working for ADT and Pinnacle Security (including CJ) had all lost their licensing in Virginia and that they would have to leave soon to go to Minnesota to work. I was horrified at the idea of him leaving already.. especially since he wasn't supposed to go until late October... but then he told me the worst part... He had to be packed and ready to go by Sunday afternoon, after church. And this was Friday night! agh!
so... yea.. I broke down.. I was so upset.. I couldn't stop myself and I started crying.. I just felt like any guy that I have a real relationship with just ends up moving away from me.
It was one of the most horrible feelings... just to go through that again.. knowing that someone I love was leaving me again... I wanted to crawl into the Earth and hide in the dark.. I never wanted to leave that spot.. with he and I there, where no one could take him from me.. I felt so selfish and so justified at the same time.
So.. after a lot of talking, a lot of crying, and a lot of hugging, we went to dinner. Everyone was there. A couple of the other guys that work with CJ had also found girlfriends in Virginia while working here.. but most of them hadn't been together as long as we had.. most of them just a couple of weeks or so.. But all of them looked sad.. and I knew how they felt. We all made a joke that we could start a support group after the guys had left...
CJ kept saying that he wanted me to go with him.. but I thought that he was joking.. I couldn't eat anything... I was just too stressed out to eat.. The long table was full so CJ and I sat in a booth across from it by ourselves.. Kevin(CJ's boss) came and sat with us.. I'm not sure why.. I suppose to keep us company or somthing.. but he just kept saying things that upset me... "Have you been crying? Your eyes are swollen..." *to CJ* "I thought that you said that you were trying to not get attatched to anyone here.." I mean... a lot of the stuff said, was all in jest.. but still.. I had just found out.. they had all been digesting the information all day.. I was still really freaked out.. and I felt like I was on the verge of tears the whole time that we were in the restaurant.... Maria(Kevin's wife.. who is from Brazil.. very short.. and very friendly, and probably one of the friendliest people I've ever met) kept telling us that we should get married.. We just kind of smiled and took it as a compliment of our abilities as a couple. I like Maria.. I'm gonna miss her.
So.. After dinner we all head back to the apartment... everyone was there.. Ryan, Gavin, Clint, Erica, Rebecca, CJ, me.. we were all really quiet.. no one knew what to say.. everyone had their gf close and no one wanted to really talk about the truth.. except for Clint.. because that's the type of person he is.. "I'm gonna miss Virginia.. I like it here.." Everyone just sat in silent agreement.
At some point we decided to play DDR... that lightened the mood.. mainly because CJ was the only person there that was any good... we all stumbled over our own feet.. trying to find a secret to the patterns.. but.. eh.. anything to get our minds off the truth and back into good-old denial.
Finally every one left or passed. out.. I borrowed pj's from CJ and we passed out.. Woke up the next morning and started packing... Packing, packing, packing..packing everything.
That's pretty much all that went down... packing.. taking photos of everyone.. lots of photos.. Finally at the end of the day.. we were worn out.. and still packing.. we stopped and watched a movie before packing up the projector.. and then CJ started to get serious about asking me to go with him to Minnesota.. I didn't know what to think.. Where would I live? "In an extra room in one of the company apartments.. that's what Erica does.." I don't have much money..."Don't worry, I'll pay for everything." But what about school.."You can fly back home when school starts." "Please... come with me.. " I didn't know what to think.. So I went home to fly the idea by my parents.. and instead of freaking like I thought they would.. they just said.. it sounds like fun, and we won't try to stop you if you want to go. I decided that I wanted to go.. If only for a few more weeks... I wanted to see him a bit longer.. to at least figure out where we wanted our relationship to go.. But I couldn't shake the feeling that I might get out there and have no where to live.. I went back to the apartment to help pack some more.. CJ and I passed out at some point.. and we woke this morning.. and I asked him to talk with Kevin to see if it would be okay for me to stay in an empty room in one of the apartments... Kevin said that I technically wasn't allowed to stay in an apartment because I'm not kin to anyone like Erica is.. she's one of the office girls' sister. And I really felt at that moment that I might get out there and end up in a hotel... and I couldn't afford that.. and even though CJ assured me that he'd pay for it all.. I didn't want him to spend his money on me.. not like that..
So.. here I am.. in Virginia.. He left at 5:30.. and I already miss him terribly. I wish that I had just gone.. that I would have just quit my stupid job, gotten in the car and left. I did it last summer.. why could I this summer?! agh.. I don't know.. somthing was holding me back.. I guess that I just didn't want to go out there on a wing and a prayer and then be disappointed and have to fly back.. Just delay the inevitable..
But, I'll be okay I think. I'm incredibly depressed that he's gone already.. but I'll see him again.. He won a cruise from his company and we're gonna go on it in October when he's done in Minnesota... I look forward to seeing him again. He may go to Utah after that to go to school and work.. I have school left.. We're gonna evaluate where we stand then.. and see what we want to do. Maybe I'll fly out to see him.. stay for a while. I'll see when I get to that point I suppose.
Until then.. I'm gonna work as much as I can.. get money for a flight and visit out west... distract myself...
I'm looking at a present that he gave me this morning.. It's a photo album with pics of he and I... I have a couple of favs.. some are hilarious.. agh... I'm just tired right now.. packing and panicing... stressing and striving for answers..
*sigh* I miss you.