(no subject)
My friend Eula just made a post on her Myspace blog.... she mentioned that she was still torn over her ex that she broke up with a few months ago.. that they had dated for six months... that she just wanted to be over him and to move on.. she wanted to feel like herself again.. for the hurt to go away.
and..
I just thought about that for a while.
I can relate. The hurt. The loneliness. That feeling of unfinished business... I still feel that way about Chris sometimes. I don't know why. It's been a year since he broke up with me but sometimes I find myself thinking about him again. I don't know why.. Maybe because he was such a big part of my life for two years. Maybe I just miss the idea of him. I find it hard to relate to anyone else, the way that I did with him.
Maybe I'm not supposed to. Maybe I compare people to that relationship and I just set myself up for disaster. I have a hard time letting people get close to me these days. I'm truly and honestly afraid that they're gonna leave me. I know that's ridiculous.. but Chris left and CJ left and I'm just over it. I'm done. Sometimes I feel like I'm just meant for tragedy.
It's so stupid to miss Chris. I know that. It's dumb to miss someone that gave you up. Someone that lives so far away, someone that probably doesn't even miss you. That hurt you so badly... But I miss our jokes, our conversations... And I'm scared that I'll never have that again, with anyone.
I'm trying to concentrate on art. I want to get my work out there, I want to be in shows, I want to see shows.. I want to go places.. I wanna see New York, and I wanna go back to San Francisco again. I want to see Chicago and Montreal and why the hell not? I can do those things. I'll figure it out.
I've decided that I want to go to graduate school. I'm going to be a teacher.
I'm so freaked out and calm about things at the same time.
But.. still.. those thoughts of him linger in the back of my mind. I feel like I'm going mad.
Why aren't there just more guys out there that are nice, intelligent, religious, and interested in culture??? WHY?!
Yea, I really am this stupid.
and..
I just thought about that for a while.
I can relate. The hurt. The loneliness. That feeling of unfinished business... I still feel that way about Chris sometimes. I don't know why. It's been a year since he broke up with me but sometimes I find myself thinking about him again. I don't know why.. Maybe because he was such a big part of my life for two years. Maybe I just miss the idea of him. I find it hard to relate to anyone else, the way that I did with him.
Maybe I'm not supposed to. Maybe I compare people to that relationship and I just set myself up for disaster. I have a hard time letting people get close to me these days. I'm truly and honestly afraid that they're gonna leave me. I know that's ridiculous.. but Chris left and CJ left and I'm just over it. I'm done. Sometimes I feel like I'm just meant for tragedy.
It's so stupid to miss Chris. I know that. It's dumb to miss someone that gave you up. Someone that lives so far away, someone that probably doesn't even miss you. That hurt you so badly... But I miss our jokes, our conversations... And I'm scared that I'll never have that again, with anyone.
I'm trying to concentrate on art. I want to get my work out there, I want to be in shows, I want to see shows.. I want to go places.. I wanna see New York, and I wanna go back to San Francisco again. I want to see Chicago and Montreal and why the hell not? I can do those things. I'll figure it out.
I've decided that I want to go to graduate school. I'm going to be a teacher.
I'm so freaked out and calm about things at the same time.
But.. still.. those thoughts of him linger in the back of my mind. I feel like I'm going mad.
Why aren't there just more guys out there that are nice, intelligent, religious, and interested in culture??? WHY?!
Yea, I really am this stupid.