(no subject)
My coworkers talked me into sending another text message. Since it's been a whole month now, they thought it's been enough time and I've given him enough space to make contact again. Then it dawned on me. He said he had plans for a six week trip to New Zealand with the girlfriend, even though the trip sounded like it'd be cancelled. I am almost positive that's why he hasn't been around. But that means he probably won't be back until the end of February, just before I leave.
I've gotten used to not seeing him at the cafe anymore. So used to it that I've gotten comfortable. Two weeks ago I had rehearsed what I would say to him if I saw him. Now, if he actually showed up, I would be so caught off guard. I would be in disbelief, like I was looking at a mirage. But at this point, I'd be so afraid of not seeing him again that I would probably say too much, be too honest too soon. I don't know if I'd be able to play it as cool as I have up to this point.
When I imagine actually seeing him next, despite being caught off guard, I would wrap my arms around him. I can even imagine the two of us being drawn straight to each other, as if we don't need to say anything at all because we're both thinking and feeling the exact same thing.
There are moments when I feel patient, that things will fall into place if I can just concentrate on living my life day to day. As if I will be rewarded for focusing on right now. Then, if I'm not feeling patient, then I'm just letting it go. I can't sit around and waste my time in Australia, waiting for him, when I only have a year here. Only nine months after I leave Cairns. I don't know what else occupies the rest of the time.
I've gotten used to not seeing him at the cafe anymore. So used to it that I've gotten comfortable. Two weeks ago I had rehearsed what I would say to him if I saw him. Now, if he actually showed up, I would be so caught off guard. I would be in disbelief, like I was looking at a mirage. But at this point, I'd be so afraid of not seeing him again that I would probably say too much, be too honest too soon. I don't know if I'd be able to play it as cool as I have up to this point.
When I imagine actually seeing him next, despite being caught off guard, I would wrap my arms around him. I can even imagine the two of us being drawn straight to each other, as if we don't need to say anything at all because we're both thinking and feeling the exact same thing.
There are moments when I feel patient, that things will fall into place if I can just concentrate on living my life day to day. As if I will be rewarded for focusing on right now. Then, if I'm not feeling patient, then I'm just letting it go. I can't sit around and waste my time in Australia, waiting for him, when I only have a year here. Only nine months after I leave Cairns. I don't know what else occupies the rest of the time.