Friend to the Friendless.
I'm thinking about the lack of friends that I have and it's making me cry. Not just friends, real friends.
When I'm friends with someone, I'm a real fucking friend. You can call me anytime day or night and I'll be there for whatever you need. I'll pick you up at 3am if you're too drunk to drive. I'll be your wingman if the person you want has a hideous friend. If I see something that reminds me of you or something that I know you'd like, I'm totally buying it. I don't give two shits about money as long as my bills are paid. I'd much rather buy something for someone that I care about than myself. I always buy the first round. If you're short on cash, everything's on me and we'll discuss money at a later time. You enjoying yourself is my main objective.
Bryan - not a good friend. We had plans to go bar-hopping last night. I texted him before I started getting ready and never got a call or text back.
Alexis - definitely not a good friend. We went to Hiawatha, had some drinks, laughs, and a dance party. This guy I had sex with a couple times awhile ago came in with his Dad. He still looks just as good as I remember and still looks at me in that cute, special way he always did. Well he has a girlfriend now, but we still had a chat and a cigarette to catch up. It was good to see Joe. Alexis was eyeing him and I told her to back off. Soon after, no guys were paying attention to her so she decided we should go to Seven Days. Tom and Evan were there because Tom's birthday is today. I bought Tom a birthday beer and nothing for myself because I was over drinking at this point, full and bloated with whiskey and my energy was beginning to fade. Alexis saw me get Tom a beer and said, "Where's my beer? I only have five bucks left." Fine. I got Alexis a beer too. Then she started slutting it up for Tom and his friends, each trying to figure out which one she would wind up going home with at the end of the night.
Soon after, Alexis was near the end of her beer and I told her I was tired. I asked if she could swing by my house, or Hiawatha, and drop me off. She said no, just wait an hour. The bar's closing in an hour. Which was a lie, because it was a little after midnight at this point. I said I wasn't waiting, don't worry I'll take a cab. I really didn't feel like taking a cab, but you do what you gotta do. Now in this scenario, any normal friend would say alright, let me hold off on beer #2 and bring my buddy home. Not Alexis. I walked out of the bar, clearly starting to walk home, and she called me back. I went back to her and she said, "Are you gonna light my cigarette before you go? You know I don't have a lighter." This was in a very nasty tone. By this point, I was so over everything that I lit her cigarette, didn't say goodbye, and started walking home. It took me about an hour. I walked through mud, I walked through headlights, and probably everyone in their cars wondering what the fuck I was doing walking down a highway at 1am.
I finally got home a little after 1, ate some chili and watched Roseanne. Not surprisingly, this was the best part of my night.
Fuck Halloween.
When I'm friends with someone, I'm a real fucking friend. You can call me anytime day or night and I'll be there for whatever you need. I'll pick you up at 3am if you're too drunk to drive. I'll be your wingman if the person you want has a hideous friend. If I see something that reminds me of you or something that I know you'd like, I'm totally buying it. I don't give two shits about money as long as my bills are paid. I'd much rather buy something for someone that I care about than myself. I always buy the first round. If you're short on cash, everything's on me and we'll discuss money at a later time. You enjoying yourself is my main objective.
Bryan - not a good friend. We had plans to go bar-hopping last night. I texted him before I started getting ready and never got a call or text back.
Alexis - definitely not a good friend. We went to Hiawatha, had some drinks, laughs, and a dance party. This guy I had sex with a couple times awhile ago came in with his Dad. He still looks just as good as I remember and still looks at me in that cute, special way he always did. Well he has a girlfriend now, but we still had a chat and a cigarette to catch up. It was good to see Joe. Alexis was eyeing him and I told her to back off. Soon after, no guys were paying attention to her so she decided we should go to Seven Days. Tom and Evan were there because Tom's birthday is today. I bought Tom a birthday beer and nothing for myself because I was over drinking at this point, full and bloated with whiskey and my energy was beginning to fade. Alexis saw me get Tom a beer and said, "Where's my beer? I only have five bucks left." Fine. I got Alexis a beer too. Then she started slutting it up for Tom and his friends, each trying to figure out which one she would wind up going home with at the end of the night.
Soon after, Alexis was near the end of her beer and I told her I was tired. I asked if she could swing by my house, or Hiawatha, and drop me off. She said no, just wait an hour. The bar's closing in an hour. Which was a lie, because it was a little after midnight at this point. I said I wasn't waiting, don't worry I'll take a cab. I really didn't feel like taking a cab, but you do what you gotta do. Now in this scenario, any normal friend would say alright, let me hold off on beer #2 and bring my buddy home. Not Alexis. I walked out of the bar, clearly starting to walk home, and she called me back. I went back to her and she said, "Are you gonna light my cigarette before you go? You know I don't have a lighter." This was in a very nasty tone. By this point, I was so over everything that I lit her cigarette, didn't say goodbye, and started walking home. It took me about an hour. I walked through mud, I walked through headlights, and probably everyone in their cars wondering what the fuck I was doing walking down a highway at 1am.
I finally got home a little after 1, ate some chili and watched Roseanne. Not surprisingly, this was the best part of my night.
Fuck Halloween.