ok

[iflirtwithurman]

well i dunno i think i screwed some things up and at the time that things were getting messed up i didn't care but know i feel like i really screwed people over and i feel bad sam kicked me out the family for not liking his "best freind" but i didn't understand how he could say all that because he knows that i didn't like him and he was putting me on the spot and when people do that it makes me put a wall up and he knows that i like devon and so he shouldn't even be trippin like that but i guess he just wants the best for me and i guess he thinks that is ryan but i don't know whats best for me but i do know that i am so done with all the bull**** and i just want it all to be over i want a guy that will like me for me and not because i have a booty or because his freind likes me (second one never happened but yea)i just want people to be staright with me and let me know and not tell everyone but me even thou thats how i am with devon but still he knows how i feel because paige and sam talked to him and sam kept saying that i should go with him but he never said anything.i feel really bad though because i was being really mean to ryan but he was annoying me and i didn't want him to ask me out and i wanted him to just forget about me so i kept being mean to him and dina was like well what about home chick and he was like we are just freinds and nothing more and i like ashleigh and then i was still being mean and he was like forget it and i was like yea dina just forget it because i don't like him and he is not apart of my life and she goes not even as a freind and i said no i don't have feelings for him and i don't care about him any more so then he was liek all up on areil talkin to her but he was wondering why if you gonna try and talk to me don't let me see you chaked up with some other girl and sam got mad because i said that i don't like ryan and that i like devon but he knew that i was almost in tears but i didn't want people to see that so i kept acting like i was hard and didn't care and then dina asked sam why he was mad at me and why i was out of the family and i was like it don't matter anymore because i got you and i have my true freinds and then he goes ASHLEIGH! and i asked him what and he told me to come here and gave me this big hug and it made me a little better but it still didn't help because i started to feel bad for ryan but i don't feel the same way he does about me and i didn't want to hurt him by stringing him along or just tell him the truth and i couldn't do ethier so i built up my wall but again and i didn't know what to say and i felt super bad after but then i seen devon and i got the big chezzy smile again and then him and sam were talking and he said something and i started laugh and so did devon but then sam and devon left so i hugged both of them and then left but today at lunch i was soo hapy cuz i went to give sam a note and he grabbed my hand ( we were doin the hand shake thing) and gave me this big hug and it made me happy cuz i was in a bad mood but then the day just got worse but yea i have volleyball tryouts on thursday friday and saturday so me and libby are gonan hang out friday after tryouts and then she is gonan spend the night (i think) and then after tryouts on saturday imma come home and clean up and we are gonna go to the mall with kaliee and dina and amber and go see rasheed or atleast hang out with some people and make him mad while he is at work but i dunno its been a long day and i am gonan go to sleep now because i can't keep my eyes open no more so i will talk to you later

my cell charger is broke and it suxs :-( i don't know if im going to talk on my cell tonight and i think it only works a certain way but i am not sure yet but i can probably find someone with the same fone as me and use theres if mine brakes again but thats all i had to say!

I LOVE MY HELPFUL BUBBY SAM AND MY WONDERFUL SISTER DINA!!!! without you guys life would be pointless

I ALSO LOVE MY CRAZY AND SOME TIMES STRESSFUL BEST FREIND PAIGE!!!!

just know that i luv you bubby from your sissy (ash-pot!)

just know that i luv you twin from your twin (ash-hole)

just know that i luv you best freind from your best freind(to many to think of )(nick names that is)