so much stuff :)
Geez, where do I even begin?
It has been a while since I have updated in here. God, so much has happened.
Ray and I broke up, like officially about a month ago, even though if you ask him I am sure he will tell you it was long over way before that.
Big shocker there right. So much for thinking it was going in a good direction, god let me tell you-I can be a total idiot sometimes, especially when it comes to understanding relationships and men. But than again, who really understands those 2 things? I know I sure as hell don’t!
Candice and I went to see RENT in NYC on 8/25 so we could see Anthony Rapp and Adam Pascal. It was A M A Z I N G!! They so totally made those roles, I am so glad they came back for a short stint at the Nederlander, so that I got the chance to see them. I was BLOWN away, I cried from beginning to end! We’re all going to try to go back to see them on 9/29. They leave Broadway on 10/07. It is gonna be a bigger group this time as well. Mom, Me, Mandy, Candice, Ron, and possibly Ben (I will fill you in on who Ben is further down).
Moving on:
We were supposed to take a cruise, but for many reasons we ended up not doing so. So the money I had saved, I used for Mandy and I to go to California . We even invited our mom, but she declined. So it ended up being Mandy (my sister), her best friend Denise from college, and me. It was so exciting! First time I was ever on the West Coast, and to have Cali be my first destination there, what an EXPERIENCE!
I was there 8/31/07-9/4/07 and it was definitely a fantastic trip! I even sucked it up and braved the 106-110 degree weather that was going on the entire time that I was there. They were stuck in a huge heat wave, and go figure as soon as we left..it went back to the 70s haha. The plane almost crashed on the way out there, the pilot kept hitting huge air pockets, and the plane would dip down so low, and than back up. It did that about 5 times! Everyone was screaming, grabbing people, electricity was going low so lights were flickering, and it was just so fucking scary, I can’t even tell you! Everyone applauded when we landed on ground hahaha. I was so scared; I did not wanna fly home! Oh yeah, also while on the Pirates ride in Disneyland , there was an earthquake. I did not feel it because I was on the ride, but when we got off, everything was shut down for about an hour to do inspection. My vacation was like Final Destination, but despite that, it was really awesome to have gone someplace I have never been before. I am also glad I got to experience it with my sister. Some money though is still set aside, for my mom if she up and decides to take vacation somewhere. Oh yes, I almost forgot..while I was out there, I FINALLY got to meet Minnie Mouse! I think that was like the highlight of my trip. That or the dinner we all went to at Medieval Times hahaha.
So, I have had this really good friend via the nets for about 2 years now. His name is Ben, and we met via xpeeps.com (sorta like myspace but it is of the *adult* variety if you catch my drift lol) anyways, we than added each other on myspace, and talked as much as we could.
He was there through all my failed relationships-Will, Timmy, Ray, yeah all of those..and let me tell you I was SUCH a bitch to him, telling him I did not wanna talk to him, that he was a dog like all the others, and I pretty much lashed my hate for men right onto him, but still he was always there for me. I took everything out on him that I could, and was never willing to take the chance he was clearly presenting to me to get to know him, like really know him. I was like “You are in Boston , I am in Philly. Stop living in a dream world, it will never happen!” And I was just never willing to ever really see him as more than just a chat buddy. I was refusing to realize that he was standing right there, in front of me. He constantly tried to get me to call him and I would say “Ok I will” and than I never would. He always said he would travel the 4 hours or so it took to come see me, and I would just laugh it off, telling him to stop dreaming. Sometimes, months would go by, before talking to him again, and the funny thing was-during those months I found myself missing him. We would try to communicate via comments on xpeeps or private messages, or the occasional email and or instant message. One night, I was feeling very curious, so I called him. I actually had done it, I called him. Honestly, I do not know why I kept putting it off, because as soon as we spoke, I felt comfortable. I did not feel shy, I had no nervous feeling, no shaking, and I felt completely like myself. I could connect with Ben who was now a voice on the other end of the phone. We clicked instantly, and it was amazing. We could make each other laugh, and I found myself opening up more and more to him. In return he was also opening himself up to me, letting me in so I could know him, really know him and learn everything that he would allow me to learn. So than it became “our thing” to speak to each other, even if for only a moment each night before bed. During one of our conversations, he asked me “So can I come see you?” And I was hesitant at first, but than I was like “I guess so” because after all, here I am now, connecting to him which was something I never had allowed myself to do all those times before. Pus, he was willing to drive those hours to come see me, and he made me feel like I was totally worth it. And to be honest with you, I really wanted to see him.
Flash forward to Sunday 9/16/2007 and at 1pm he was pulling into my parking lot. He spoke the truth; he actually drove those 4 or so hours from Boston to come see me, even though it was for just one day! He said he would have driven them just to say Hi to me. Needless to say things were nothing short of magical. We connected even more, we made each other laugh even more so than on the phone, and we clicked. We got each other, and it was the first time I actually had a man understand, like really understand me. No one got me or understood me like he did. We spent the day cuddling and watching movies, and just talking, being stupid, and getting to know each other. We played footsies under the blanket. And lemme tell you, I do not know what was wrong with me, but I was SO shy and nervous with him there. I could barely make eye contact at first, I dunno if it was because he was so handsome, or if it was just my own damn nerves not knowing what to expect. Hell it was probably both. We were talking about something, and I was not facing him, and he asked me “If I was still too nervous to make eye contact”, and I turned to him to face him, and just as I was getting ready to say “Not really..” He took my face in his hands and kissed me. The softest, most perfect kiss. When he pulled back to see my reaction, all I know is my eyes were still closed and I was smiling. I felt him watching me, so I opened my eyes, and I found him looking back at me, with the same huge smile plastered across his face. My heart was racing, and in that moment the only thing I could think of to do was kiss him again, so I did but this time it was a little more forceful and playful, but still perfect. His blonde hair swept across my face making me laugh, so as soon as I would tuck it behind his ears, mine would fall into his face tickling him. We were just in this perfect moment, it was like everything over the 2 years, was working up to this exact moment, we were waiting for this! We were perfect together in that moment. I tell you I dunno why I waited so long! I am glad I finally realized though, what an amazing person he was. So before he was leaving, he told me he would come to me every Sunday for the time being. He is in med school and is a teachers aid, so during the week and even Saturday is hard for him, but he said Sunday was now my day. That the 4 hour drive would be worth it, because the prize at the end of the drive was the best thing to have ever happened to him. So we decided to date and see where things go. And let me tell you, it has been nothing short of perfect.
I now finally have something to look forward to on a daily basis. He was the diamond in “the huge pile of rocks” that I kept going through.
I adore him, and he is good for me, and I'd like to think I am good for him too ;)
I will keep you updated on the progress.
I hope all is well with everyone in lj land <3
Lots and Lots of Love-
Me xoxo
PS-It is Sunday 9/23, around 9pm. Ben was here today, and left about 4 hours ago. We spent the day together with my mom and sister, just walking around up at Peddlers Village in Bucks County, Pa. It was SO nice! :)
It has been a while since I have updated in here. God, so much has happened.
Ray and I broke up, like officially about a month ago, even though if you ask him I am sure he will tell you it was long over way before that.
Big shocker there right. So much for thinking it was going in a good direction, god let me tell you-I can be a total idiot sometimes, especially when it comes to understanding relationships and men. But than again, who really understands those 2 things? I know I sure as hell don’t!
Candice and I went to see RENT in NYC on 8/25 so we could see Anthony Rapp and Adam Pascal. It was A M A Z I N G!! They so totally made those roles, I am so glad they came back for a short stint at the Nederlander, so that I got the chance to see them. I was BLOWN away, I cried from beginning to end! We’re all going to try to go back to see them on 9/29. They leave Broadway on 10/07. It is gonna be a bigger group this time as well. Mom, Me, Mandy, Candice, Ron, and possibly Ben (I will fill you in on who Ben is further down).
Moving on:
We were supposed to take a cruise, but for many reasons we ended up not doing so. So the money I had saved, I used for Mandy and I to go to California . We even invited our mom, but she declined. So it ended up being Mandy (my sister), her best friend Denise from college, and me. It was so exciting! First time I was ever on the West Coast, and to have Cali be my first destination there, what an EXPERIENCE!
I was there 8/31/07-9/4/07 and it was definitely a fantastic trip! I even sucked it up and braved the 106-110 degree weather that was going on the entire time that I was there. They were stuck in a huge heat wave, and go figure as soon as we left..it went back to the 70s haha. The plane almost crashed on the way out there, the pilot kept hitting huge air pockets, and the plane would dip down so low, and than back up. It did that about 5 times! Everyone was screaming, grabbing people, electricity was going low so lights were flickering, and it was just so fucking scary, I can’t even tell you! Everyone applauded when we landed on ground hahaha. I was so scared; I did not wanna fly home! Oh yeah, also while on the Pirates ride in Disneyland , there was an earthquake. I did not feel it because I was on the ride, but when we got off, everything was shut down for about an hour to do inspection. My vacation was like Final Destination, but despite that, it was really awesome to have gone someplace I have never been before. I am also glad I got to experience it with my sister. Some money though is still set aside, for my mom if she up and decides to take vacation somewhere. Oh yes, I almost forgot..while I was out there, I FINALLY got to meet Minnie Mouse! I think that was like the highlight of my trip. That or the dinner we all went to at Medieval Times hahaha.
So, I have had this really good friend via the nets for about 2 years now. His name is Ben, and we met via xpeeps.com (sorta like myspace but it is of the *adult* variety if you catch my drift lol) anyways, we than added each other on myspace, and talked as much as we could.
He was there through all my failed relationships-Will, Timmy, Ray, yeah all of those..and let me tell you I was SUCH a bitch to him, telling him I did not wanna talk to him, that he was a dog like all the others, and I pretty much lashed my hate for men right onto him, but still he was always there for me. I took everything out on him that I could, and was never willing to take the chance he was clearly presenting to me to get to know him, like really know him. I was like “You are in Boston , I am in Philly. Stop living in a dream world, it will never happen!” And I was just never willing to ever really see him as more than just a chat buddy. I was refusing to realize that he was standing right there, in front of me. He constantly tried to get me to call him and I would say “Ok I will” and than I never would. He always said he would travel the 4 hours or so it took to come see me, and I would just laugh it off, telling him to stop dreaming. Sometimes, months would go by, before talking to him again, and the funny thing was-during those months I found myself missing him. We would try to communicate via comments on xpeeps or private messages, or the occasional email and or instant message. One night, I was feeling very curious, so I called him. I actually had done it, I called him. Honestly, I do not know why I kept putting it off, because as soon as we spoke, I felt comfortable. I did not feel shy, I had no nervous feeling, no shaking, and I felt completely like myself. I could connect with Ben who was now a voice on the other end of the phone. We clicked instantly, and it was amazing. We could make each other laugh, and I found myself opening up more and more to him. In return he was also opening himself up to me, letting me in so I could know him, really know him and learn everything that he would allow me to learn. So than it became “our thing” to speak to each other, even if for only a moment each night before bed. During one of our conversations, he asked me “So can I come see you?” And I was hesitant at first, but than I was like “I guess so” because after all, here I am now, connecting to him which was something I never had allowed myself to do all those times before. Pus, he was willing to drive those hours to come see me, and he made me feel like I was totally worth it. And to be honest with you, I really wanted to see him.
Flash forward to Sunday 9/16/2007 and at 1pm he was pulling into my parking lot. He spoke the truth; he actually drove those 4 or so hours from Boston to come see me, even though it was for just one day! He said he would have driven them just to say Hi to me. Needless to say things were nothing short of magical. We connected even more, we made each other laugh even more so than on the phone, and we clicked. We got each other, and it was the first time I actually had a man understand, like really understand me. No one got me or understood me like he did. We spent the day cuddling and watching movies, and just talking, being stupid, and getting to know each other. We played footsies under the blanket. And lemme tell you, I do not know what was wrong with me, but I was SO shy and nervous with him there. I could barely make eye contact at first, I dunno if it was because he was so handsome, or if it was just my own damn nerves not knowing what to expect. Hell it was probably both. We were talking about something, and I was not facing him, and he asked me “If I was still too nervous to make eye contact”, and I turned to him to face him, and just as I was getting ready to say “Not really..” He took my face in his hands and kissed me. The softest, most perfect kiss. When he pulled back to see my reaction, all I know is my eyes were still closed and I was smiling. I felt him watching me, so I opened my eyes, and I found him looking back at me, with the same huge smile plastered across his face. My heart was racing, and in that moment the only thing I could think of to do was kiss him again, so I did but this time it was a little more forceful and playful, but still perfect. His blonde hair swept across my face making me laugh, so as soon as I would tuck it behind his ears, mine would fall into his face tickling him. We were just in this perfect moment, it was like everything over the 2 years, was working up to this exact moment, we were waiting for this! We were perfect together in that moment. I tell you I dunno why I waited so long! I am glad I finally realized though, what an amazing person he was. So before he was leaving, he told me he would come to me every Sunday for the time being. He is in med school and is a teachers aid, so during the week and even Saturday is hard for him, but he said Sunday was now my day. That the 4 hour drive would be worth it, because the prize at the end of the drive was the best thing to have ever happened to him. So we decided to date and see where things go. And let me tell you, it has been nothing short of perfect.
I now finally have something to look forward to on a daily basis. He was the diamond in “the huge pile of rocks” that I kept going through.
I adore him, and he is good for me, and I'd like to think I am good for him too ;)
I will keep you updated on the progress.
I hope all is well with everyone in lj land <3
Lots and Lots of Love-
Me xoxo
PS-It is Sunday 9/23, around 9pm. Ben was here today, and left about 4 hours ago. We spent the day together with my mom and sister, just walking around up at Peddlers Village in Bucks County, Pa. It was SO nice! :)