sad news..
we got a call from my aunt tonight.
my uncle bill (my dads younger brother) who was like a dad to us, is basically not
expected to make it past saturday.
she found my uncle puking blood, and there was blood all on the bed.
he was diagnosed about a month ago with leukemia, and he gets blood transfusions, and platelets done like every week. well the platelets aren't working. his body is basically just eating them all up. and he refused radiation or chemo or whatever it was. he just wants to die he says.
now he is in ICU hooked up to all the same machines my dad was hooked up on when he was dying. on one hand, mandy and i wanna go see him, but we're scared shitless, because we know we wouldn't be able to see him like that. it would be too hard, and it would remind us too much of our daddy. this is just so not fair. he is only 60 years old, way to young to die.
i do wanna say goodbye tho. i should have earlier, but i just hate that word. goodbye :(
things with ray and i are getting a tiny bit better. we apologized to eachother, and just are trying to work at things. but like i had these 2 realizations. i still care about my ex, and i have a small attraction to my friends boyfriend. i am just really fucked up right now. i am talking to no one, shutting myself out like i always do. but i really do not know any other way. it is like i wanna talk, but when i try to, i just walk away.
also some weird things health wise going on, but i will save that for another entry.
i hate myself right now, so i don't blame anyone else if they hate me.
-me
my uncle bill (my dads younger brother) who was like a dad to us, is basically not
expected to make it past saturday.
she found my uncle puking blood, and there was blood all on the bed.
he was diagnosed about a month ago with leukemia, and he gets blood transfusions, and platelets done like every week. well the platelets aren't working. his body is basically just eating them all up. and he refused radiation or chemo or whatever it was. he just wants to die he says.
now he is in ICU hooked up to all the same machines my dad was hooked up on when he was dying. on one hand, mandy and i wanna go see him, but we're scared shitless, because we know we wouldn't be able to see him like that. it would be too hard, and it would remind us too much of our daddy. this is just so not fair. he is only 60 years old, way to young to die.
i do wanna say goodbye tho. i should have earlier, but i just hate that word. goodbye :(
things with ray and i are getting a tiny bit better. we apologized to eachother, and just are trying to work at things. but like i had these 2 realizations. i still care about my ex, and i have a small attraction to my friends boyfriend. i am just really fucked up right now. i am talking to no one, shutting myself out like i always do. but i really do not know any other way. it is like i wanna talk, but when i try to, i just walk away.
also some weird things health wise going on, but i will save that for another entry.
i hate myself right now, so i don't blame anyone else if they hate me.
-me