Blueck
I feel terrible, had another full blown panic attack with all the trimmings lastnight. It refused to go away so I called my brother to see if he could do anything for me.
He was as ever totally supportive and came over to help calm me down. We sat on the couch and he held me and rubbed my back. Which is something we really should try more often because it made me feel like I could breathe again.
The way I feel bad as such times is hard to describe, it's different for everyone but it's the most horrible feeling you can have and not be mortally wounded. Strange how your body can fool you like that isn't it? You know it's not real but there are actual things going on in your body that make you wish you'd just broke all your limbs..at least they could fix that.
After a while I went to bed and my brother stayed too on a mattress next to my bed. He slept great, I know because I was awake till 6.30 in the morning feeling horrible. I may have slept a bit in the morning and the worst is over but now I feel like I have a really bad flu. If you miss me on IM thecaretaker that's why.
Oh and also why I haven't messaged you back yet pixietulip, it was a huge reply and I'm like halfway with my purple scribbles. (that will make sense when I send it)
I hope I can sleep tonight and may feel much better tomorrow, I have felt like this for years and I'm not in a hurry to return to that state.
Also, you never know how good you normally feel until you feel half dead again. I have to eat or I will feel bad, but I don't want to make or eat it. One of those times when all I can eat is really bland and it's just fuel. But at least I can still watch normal tv, it used to be so bad I could only watch the most tame programs with my grandmother.
~Iflie
He was as ever totally supportive and came over to help calm me down. We sat on the couch and he held me and rubbed my back. Which is something we really should try more often because it made me feel like I could breathe again.
The way I feel bad as such times is hard to describe, it's different for everyone but it's the most horrible feeling you can have and not be mortally wounded. Strange how your body can fool you like that isn't it? You know it's not real but there are actual things going on in your body that make you wish you'd just broke all your limbs..at least they could fix that.
After a while I went to bed and my brother stayed too on a mattress next to my bed. He slept great, I know because I was awake till 6.30 in the morning feeling horrible. I may have slept a bit in the morning and the worst is over but now I feel like I have a really bad flu. If you miss me on IM thecaretaker that's why.
Oh and also why I haven't messaged you back yet pixietulip, it was a huge reply and I'm like halfway with my purple scribbles. (that will make sense when I send it)
I hope I can sleep tonight and may feel much better tomorrow, I have felt like this for years and I'm not in a hurry to return to that state.
Also, you never know how good you normally feel until you feel half dead again. I have to eat or I will feel bad, but I don't want to make or eat it. One of those times when all I can eat is really bland and it's just fuel. But at least I can still watch normal tv, it used to be so bad I could only watch the most tame programs with my grandmother.
~Iflie