oh shit....already?
So, here i am....friggin freezing in my room. I suppose i'm not one to complain though, being that it IS my fault i'm so cold. Speaking of cold, my lips are chapped. Okay, so most of you would have said, if you knew i existed, "So? Big deal.... that happens like once a week." Perhaps that was a smidge over-dramatic, but it happens to others often apparently. At 17, boy witnesses first peelage-o-lip action. It....it burns. And.....well, it burns a lot. So, that's one bummer... the weirdest part is that it happened while i was sleeping....or else i just didn't notice the immense searing of my lips last night. I wouldn't rule that out, however. Sounds like something that would happen to me. Forget to remember to feel. No wonder i'm so loved....
- I really don't like using bullets. It's such a ghetto and tacky way to go about making lists. I say this, yet when i have notes, this is what i do....
- to make....
- things comprehendable.
- later, that is....
Oh, i have something fun to talk about! If there's one thing obvious about me, it would have to be my immense passion for religion and government....and mostly any parts of philosophy; whether that be futuristic or historical. Anyways, if you didn't know that, now ya do.....moving on. In chemistry today, we had a sub. Which is both a good and a bad thing....what we learned yesterday will be on a test on Friday....so if she's not at school again tomorrow, we better sure as fuck know exactly what's going on.
Anyways, it so happens to be that the girl that sits in front of me in that class is very opinionated as well. I always have respect for people like that. And there's a huge line between opinionated and ignorant. Let's say that she lacked the latter. So, somehow, a few kids starting sitting around her, and she was talking it up while i listened and wrote a note to Erin. The topic of religion kicked in somewhere....and they were lightly insulting religions that they found to be a smidge ridiculous. All this was funny to me, because they were like 3,000 steps behind my beliefs, but were just starting to see the absurdity of a few of the things that certain religions ask of people.
So, this girl that is very smart, but usually stays quiet in that class (i do too, which is a rarity for me.... literally, in kindergarten, on the first week of school, i was sent to the principal's office for being "too social" and "disrupting class" (which i still don't understand....was i waking kids up from their nap-time? ghey.....)) pipes up and starts questioning the faith of others. Not in a negative way, but in a curious tone. Finally, she brought up her main belief, which is agnostic, which is also what people will say in front of others to not feel too left out. For some reason, with a small portion of uncertainty, there's a better hope for one's soul. Whatevs....
She started getting asked questions and i felt bad, and i was squirming in my seat trying not to defend her, so i did. Apparently, this surprised them....? Then, they started considering not believing in something untangeable "ignorant." Feeling somewhat insulted that i try to find truth in life as apposed to....i dunno....bullshit, i protected my belief with almost certain evidence, and if not that, than common sense. Somehow, i still couldn't get through to them, even as a far-out theory, that god might not exist. One poor dumbass....he had nothing left to say, obviously, so he retorted with "So, what? You believe that a bigass explosion made the world?" Now....in science, we have proven that matter can neither be created nor destroyed...common sense and proven fact together. So....the fact that an explosion leaving debris (planets)with a huge mass of energy in the middle (the sun/stars) made less sense to them than some dude creating....uh........everything...in 7 days. How am i ignorant compared to this nonsense?
Anyways, this bitchy girl started getting harsh, telling me that it's rude to insult religion, just because i don't believe the same thing that everyone else did. I laughed for a second and asked her to recall the things she said about Mormons and Atheists. And while everyone felt lost for a second, obviously not catching onto what i was saying, i accused her of being a hypocrit. And she denounced it! She tried coming up with excuses....but, apparently i was in the wrong, being that it's okay to talk shit about one's beliefs behind their back, but once i tell her, literally to her face, that i believe that her "great creator" is a fairy tale and that i feel sorry for her, i have deeply insulted a reason for living. And the discussion had finally hit the top with me causing tears and having a big, black girl shouting, "Stop yelling to us about how we want to live our lives....and don't say you feel sorry for us because you think it's a weakness to believe in blind faith! We don't need to hear you yelling that what we base our lives around is bullshit!" at me. Which i personally find funny, because the only people yelling were the Christians and Catholics whom so personally took my opinions. I told them before they asked about the way i feel that i didn't mean anything i said to be taken personally..... but i must not have elaborated on that enough.
Is it sick that i enjoyed watching the bitch cry? Everything she's been told her whole life....all that happy bullshit about "going to a better place" and how some guy died thousands of years ago to save us from sin....somehow i was able to crack her fuckin' close-minded, ice-cold shell, and make her think that it might not be true. It basically closed with this Baptist girl saying, "Well, when i die, it's nice to know that i believe i'll be going to a better place." So, everyone looked at me knowing that it was going to be my closing line as well..... I replied, "That must be the difference then. When i die, i will have known the truth and not believed in something that can't be proven....and that will make me happier knowing that i didn't lie to myself my whole life." The looks of the whole "enemy group" was almost priceless. Shellshocked isn't nearly powerful enough to explain how stupid their faces were.
So, then we were all waiting for the bell to ring, and all the good, religious children mingled together in whispers and harsh words, while the other girl and i sat and discussed what a great invention religion was to begin with. A way to trick everyone to believe something, by giving them something to believe in that doesn't exist. It's impossible to prove wrong what doesn't exist. And one of them actually told me that they could "feel God in them" while i scrolled through the list of senses that make up the basic definition of something "real". If there is a god, he sure as hell isn't worth praying to. My next step is to decide whether or not i believe in "soul". What i think it is, is what is left behind in whatever the people make within their lifespan. So the phrase, "when you die, your soul goes on" makes perfect sense..... it's obvious in music. The person's body is gone, but the emotion they left in their work is their soul tied into sounds....same goes for art....or any artistic/though-provoking/emotion-causing creation. Ladies and gentlemen, it's been an honor....and my fingers her. Champaigne wishes and caviar dreams....
-orcanem