Despair
Well, not really, but I applied for a job at Best Buy because I'm pretty fuckin sure I don't want to work a single day at NCI. Their business is just fucking shady as hell. I mean, I'll do the job to the best of my ability while I'm there, but it isn't for me. So I thought I'd apply for a retail job. Then I thought to myself "what the fuck am I doing settling for that?" I want to be able to actually help people, even just a little. NCI won't allow that. NCI won't allow that. I liked working at Ryan and Eli's store because they let me do that. I didn't have to worry about selling the most expensive thing or landing a sale of a service agreement or force people into a position they were uncomfortable with. At Jupiter I was tasked with finding something that would make someone happy. I really enjoy/enjoyed doing that. NCI or yet another retail job won't allow me to do that. So, I fell into a state of despair for about two hours. Then I redoubled my teaching job search which turned up nil (oh yeah, and the teaching job that may have been open at SV isn't now, that was a contributing factor). Add all of that onto how much I miss Mary and I was thinking "why am I bothering with something I hate so much for no reason at all?" If I had someone to provide for or something like that, maybe. I've got bills, but I can fulfill those obligations working crappy jobs like NCI or Best Buy part time, not busting ass full time.
So yeah, I applied at AmeriCorps for a few positions and we'll see how that works out. I'm in a much, much, much better mood now than I was three hours ago. As in I've gone from nearly rock-bottom to having a great deal of hope and optimism. And this all may sound extremely whiny, but I'm a "big picture" kind of guy, and I was able to see where I was headed with these career decisions. Mary and I had joked about joining Peace Corps, and who knows, that may still be a possibility (they only let married couples do that together, so that means I have to wait another 40 years to do it with Mary) but AmeriCorps is similar, will give me some income and let me do some really good, important work. Plus I would like to go into public service someday, and having some volunteer cred worked well for Obama, so who knows how well it'll work for me!
So yeah, I applied at AmeriCorps for a few positions and we'll see how that works out. I'm in a much, much, much better mood now than I was three hours ago. As in I've gone from nearly rock-bottom to having a great deal of hope and optimism. And this all may sound extremely whiny, but I'm a "big picture" kind of guy, and I was able to see where I was headed with these career decisions. Mary and I had joked about joining Peace Corps, and who knows, that may still be a possibility (they only let married couples do that together, so that means I have to wait another 40 years to do it with Mary) but AmeriCorps is similar, will give me some income and let me do some really good, important work. Plus I would like to go into public service someday, and having some volunteer cred worked well for Obama, so who knows how well it'll work for me!