(no subject)

[ifightforcobra]

so who/what are my influences? i cant really tell you. who are they supposed to be? my friends? my family? its hard man...this world is fucked and i only know of a few people i can count on and even less that i can look up to. i am trying to stay positive. to BE positive, but its tough when the most common emotion that i feel these days seems to be absolute frustration. i want to love people...i want to help people, but nobody wants love. nobody wants help. when i say love i am speaking of true friendship. how many friends do we really have? i made a list of some people last night and it was small enough to count on one hand. sure i have a bag of people that like to hug when we meet and when we part, but what is there past that? an interest in similar music and similar ideas? a lukewarm relationship masked as friendship with all of the same people? a penned in date that might get broken when something else comes up, leaving neither party feeling very upset? not listening, but simply waiting to talk to voice your opinion about the issue at hand? fuck that. it isn't friendship. i appreciate all of you, as 98% of the people reading this falls into this category, but where is the dedication? i am not claiming to be any better than anybody else, but i am only one person. i am not able to stretch myself enough to make up for everybody else. back to the help part i was speaking of...everybody needs help with something. when we get down and out how many times have we just learned to lean on ourselves? when we get in a bind how many times have we just sucked it up and got through it. that sucks...this world is too hard and too damn depressing to get through this shit on our own. i know i am not on my own, but i also know there are very few people that have stuck through thick and thin and that sucks because man, right now its real fucking thin. maybe i am just being ridiculous. maybe i get disapointed too easily. either way, this is me being honest. and what is the most important thing about being friends? being honest. i am not asking anything from anybody, just to let you know, i have just been struggling with this lately and tonight...man...its the night to get it out.

another important note: alcohol is my sworn fucking enemy.

i love you. honestly.