so unhappy....

[ificould_iwould]

im starting to tinnk im never going to be happy...im so unhappy i feel so alone and so empty so sad so tired frustrated so...depressed...i think that happiness is going to elude me for the rest of my life and that scares me..i dont want to be forty n live alone living in a house with no food except diet coke and green apples i dont want my life to be the gym i dont want my life to constantly be about everyone else...everyone expects me to be their back bone their strength to help them care for them etc...i want a life i want a husband (one day) and kids and a wonderful career and i want something other than this...i dont have that now and im so afraid that i never will...the man im dating is wonderful-hes so intelligent and driven and works so hard and has his own business that he excels at and all that...but hes got an alcohol problem and its only now starting to become really apparent to me..over the holidays it was like ok yea were all drinking having a good tme..but i realized it wasnt that..ill call him mid day and hell be having a glass o wine or a bottle...and yes his hours are slightly different than that of a nine to five (he works with offices in asia and tey are twelve hours ahead) but still...and when something bad happens his first reaction is to drink..and he told me he recognizes that its becoming a problem he blacks out a lot and drinks all the time and i told him i will not stay with someone that is not trying to get their problem under control i already have one alcoholic in my ife (my mom who is also a drug addict) i dont need another..i cant chose my mom but i sure as hell do chose my man and i wont be with someone with an alcohol problem...an on top of that he lives in atlanta which is fine i can do the whole long distance thing but he forgets about me..all the time..i dont know if he forgets about me or hes really busy..sometimes ill know its business and thats ok but there are times when i wont talk to him all day and hell call or text me the next day tlling me how he went out to this club and tat club last night...in all that partying you couldnt fine one or two minutes to talk to your woman...and i cant say anything to him because when i say something e thinks im being a bitch or im making a mountain out of a mole hill or else what i feel is wrong...i dont know hes difficult and i look past it but...he really is a wonderful man hes flawed obviously but he is a good guy...intelligent caring handsome giving..i have not seen him in so long and it sucks....
whatever enough about him...im just unhappy....help...