(no subject)
Alright, so I figured its been a long time since Ive actually wrote shit in here. Ive been kinda anti-post your feelings online lately, but whatever, I just don’t care about much anymore. Im at this point where Im sort of numb to things. Indifferent. Which I wanted for so long. But I thought it would be different than this. Ive cried while being indifferent. Its like the emotional reactions still occur without the feelings that go along with them. Or when they do your almost thrown into them. No time to think just react. Which I suppose is good. Because it will “prepare me for the real world”. Too bad Ive experienced the world quite a bit. Not all of it, but too much for my age maybe. And not all through my experiences, a lot through friends experiences that become mine. But its all the same. Things happen, and Im not going to dwell on them, just sort of keep them in the back of my mind for future reference you know? Maybe they’ll protect me from something eventually. Maybe not. Who knows. Im sure a lot of you have stopped already. And that’s fine because I was being boring as fuck. Purposely, always purposely, just remember that. So, people are fucking ridiculous anymore. Seriously. I cant handle it. Well, of course I can because I have before. Ah, Im just exhausted of it. Ive narrowed it down to like 2 people in the Naperville area that I really try to help and be there for. Which sounds terrible I know. And they probably know who they are, but they might not. Oh well, not going to worry about it. I just really think theyre the only ones who need me right now. They have plenty of friends. And one or 2 missing from them from drama probably caused by them, is not worth my effort. Of course theres still the girls in the city. They’ll always be a concern of mine. City means the original city girls, not just the ones remaining so don’t get all offended cause you live in a suburb like me now too. Then theres at least one in another suburb that I worry about sometimes/ care about. Which terrified me and I tend to try to run from it, but then when I stop running they run from it…….ah. Im going to stop there. Sorry. So. Back to people being retarded….I think id ridiculous that there are situations that happen all the time, where someone is a complete douche bag and ends up making the person theyre fucking over feel like they’ve done something wrong. It happened to me not too long ago and its happening to someone I know now. Its retarded. And its difficult because now, it seems so easy to get out of, but when your experiencing it, it feels impossible. Ah, whatever Ill continue hating everyone. And my parents, man. Gotta love them. The people who are supposed to be stable in your life and all that shit…..HA. Right, ok, not with whats been going on lately. Im not gonna get into that though. If you must know you can ask, but Im not turning into one of those omg my dads such an ass omg. Im so sad. Because Im not. Im disappointed and hurt maybe. But fuck being sad. I hate it. And im so excited that ive learned how to not be. But anyway, im about to get kicked off line because of the programs my lovely father has set on this computer that monitors ever move I make So, this is to be continued.