An Apple a Day Keeps the Doctor Away

[if_she_hollers]

So like, everyone!  I have the most exciting news!

I, Ini Miney, am a certified nurse.  Starting now.  Like, omigod, it was a surprise to me, too!  I'm like, so happy the establishment thinks so highly of me and I like, promise to be the best nurse I can possibly be!  So like, in that spirit, I need someone to like, tell me where I can buy one of

Comments

[bustydefense]

I'm sure your supervisors will be able to tell you what to wear to work.

[if_she_hollers]

I'm like, sure they will, but it like, won't do at all if I don't have the right uniform. You have to like, look super dignified if you're gonna be a nurse. And super cute <3

[filter]
You see? My life's coming back together here. Doing fine without you. Scram.

[bustydefense]

Ah, of course. But we wouldn't want you to be fired, now would we.

[filter]

What kind of neighbor would I be if I did that.

[if_she_hollers]

No way! They like, can't fire me. No one's ever been fired. It's more like, a forced sentence than work, you know?

[filter]
Definitely the good kind. Like the kind that doesn't play rock music at 4 in the morning. Or the kind that doesn't let their dog crap on my lawn. Or the kind that scrams when I say scram.

[bustydefense]

Not fired then. Brainwashed. We wouldn't want that.

[filter]

Good neighbors look out for each other.

[if_she_hollers]

Like, mos def! Who knows what sort of horrible, stupid things a brainwashed me would say!?

[filter]
Ooooo . . . kaaaaay. So like, you already did that for me by helping your boyfriend get my ass thrown in jail. What else do you want?

[bustydefense]

Who knows? Probably a lot of things you wouldn't want to.

[filter]

Heh. Phoenix isn't my boyfriend. And I already told you - I'm not going to do anything to you, necessarily.

[if_she_hollers]

I know! My like, charming and genuine personality might go right out the window. How horrifying!

[filter]
Soooo . . . What's the point of leaving snarky messages, then? 'Haha I've got my eye on you one foot and Imma calling the cops'? Don't need a reminder for that.

[bustydefense]

It is, really.

[filter]

You were so kind as to leave one first.

[if_she_hollers]

[filter]
Screw it. Yeah, so I really meant, "Why are you talking to me at all"?

[filter]

[bustydefense]

I was merely being a good neighbor.

[filter]

[if_she_hollers]

Liar. You think I'll fall for that goody-two-shoes act? I don't care if you think you're being friendly or a pest or snooping or keeping an eye on me or what. Just leave me alone.

[filter]

[bustydefense]

You really should know that I'm not one for lying.