(no subject)
Last night, I saw myself acting like someone else. Someone that I have never acted like before. Someone who stands for everything I stand against. Someone I never want to act like again, so long as I live.
I don't confront people and demean their character. It's been done to me and it changed my life. It hurts more than anything to think you're accepted and loved my someone, and then they point out all of your flaws. Not because it's a slap in the face and a waste of your time, but because you really believe the things they say. It affects everything you do. It makes you paranoid, it makes you say things to yourself that aren't being said or happening. You become completely self conscious and dependent on the opinion of others. You strive for approval. The hurt never goes away. Why? Because you trusted the opinion of someone very close to you, and for them to tell you these horrible things about yourself, they must be true.
I am not the kind of person who would inflict this pain on someone else, because I lived the pain for a year before I could overcome it and become the stable person I once was and am today. Even before my character was demeaned and ridiculed, I was never that critical person. It's a horrible way to live and it makes all of your insecurities evident. Besides, who are you to tell someone what is right and wrong? What is acceptable? What everything thinks? It's nobody's job to point out personality flaws because everyone feels differently. What one person sees as beautiful, another person may see as obnoxious. There is no perfect mold and you can't shape everyone into a narrow mindset. Regardless, everyone has the right to be themselves without the fear of what everyone else is thinking about them, and without having to regulate their mind.
And last night, I saw myself act like the person that I whole-heartedly disrespect. That critical state of mind that I never thought I would ever exude, I did. And it was the worst moment of my life. To listen to the things I said to someone that I love more than anything, was pure torture. It made me throw up on my bedroom floor. I don't know why I acted that way and what came over me. Stress? An inner conflict? I just don't know.
I take it all back. Every word of it. Because you are my best friend and I love every intricacy about you more than words can convey. I never meant to change you, simply because you're you. The same you that I fall in love with all over again, every single day. And I'm sorry that for a brief moment, I was someone else. Because that person talking and saying those things, that wasn't me.
I don't confront people and demean their character. It's been done to me and it changed my life. It hurts more than anything to think you're accepted and loved my someone, and then they point out all of your flaws. Not because it's a slap in the face and a waste of your time, but because you really believe the things they say. It affects everything you do. It makes you paranoid, it makes you say things to yourself that aren't being said or happening. You become completely self conscious and dependent on the opinion of others. You strive for approval. The hurt never goes away. Why? Because you trusted the opinion of someone very close to you, and for them to tell you these horrible things about yourself, they must be true.
I am not the kind of person who would inflict this pain on someone else, because I lived the pain for a year before I could overcome it and become the stable person I once was and am today. Even before my character was demeaned and ridiculed, I was never that critical person. It's a horrible way to live and it makes all of your insecurities evident. Besides, who are you to tell someone what is right and wrong? What is acceptable? What everything thinks? It's nobody's job to point out personality flaws because everyone feels differently. What one person sees as beautiful, another person may see as obnoxious. There is no perfect mold and you can't shape everyone into a narrow mindset. Regardless, everyone has the right to be themselves without the fear of what everyone else is thinking about them, and without having to regulate their mind.
And last night, I saw myself act like the person that I whole-heartedly disrespect. That critical state of mind that I never thought I would ever exude, I did. And it was the worst moment of my life. To listen to the things I said to someone that I love more than anything, was pure torture. It made me throw up on my bedroom floor. I don't know why I acted that way and what came over me. Stress? An inner conflict? I just don't know.
I take it all back. Every word of it. Because you are my best friend and I love every intricacy about you more than words can convey. I never meant to change you, simply because you're you. The same you that I fall in love with all over again, every single day. And I'm sorry that for a brief moment, I was someone else. Because that person talking and saying those things, that wasn't me.