weird headspace/ emo post- isn't that what lj is good for? :)
So, I've been in a weird head space lately. I feel increasingly isolated from the world. Like life goes on but I'm some how stuck in a bubble of stasis. I worry some day that I'm going to wake up and find out that other people have lived, truly lived their lives and all I can say for myself is that I came and went. I suppose that some of this comes from the fact that I live quietly and tend to keep to myself. Most of this comes from a lack of actual human contact. My phone is quiet- mostly used for an alarm clock. I continue to want friendships and a support system in my life and I continue to be too socially retarded to accomplish this. People come and go in my life like its a train terminal- all polite conversation and then they're gone. Some times I fear that like an under-socialized pet I'd be better hiding under the furniture- which is I guess what I've been doing for these past few years. My fiancee says I should get help for my depression but I'm not sure if depression is really what it is- it's more like frustration at a life barely lived. So I rage against it. I took up running and I'll do my first 5k. I do yoga and aim to teach it. I'm now throwing myself into meet up groups when I have the chance so I can say I've been out and done things. Some times it helps and some times it just emphasizes the teflon existence I live. I come, I go I pass through. I become numb and cold. I try to defrost. I fail and life just grows colder and I feel as if I've failed this thing called "being human" again.