a gathering of my thoughts
The world is a crazy place lately. I ended a relationship of almost 2 years yesterday. I still don’t really know how I feel about that. I really loved the guy but he just wasn’t willing to spend any time with me. The only time he did spend time with me he was borrowing money. Sure it didn’t start that way in the beginning things were great in fact up until a few months ago things were ok. Just recently he started ignoring me. At first it was just the weekends then a whole week with calls and occasional visits consisting mostly of needing me to give him money for “car parts” or fighting over petty issues.
I wasn’t even attracted to this new person in front of me. Our sex life suffered greatly it just wasn’t there anymore he had killed my passion. I could tell he didn’t really love me things were a convenience to him. I wasn’t allowed to meet his friends from his new job. Every time I would ask to go with him he would say there were no girls there and that he didn’t want me to come with. When I told him that this hurt my feelings and made me feel awful he promised to make time to be with me. Like all of his promises this was empty. I still loved the man he had been and continued to hold on to my hope that he would break out of this phase and I would have my lover back.
It soon became apparent however that that was not to be. It was too late he had already decided he no longer cared for me at all. I stopped trying I didn’t ask to go to family things with him. His family hated me anyways. I always thought they did. It became apparent that nothing was good enough for him or his family and I was just a disrespectful girl. I never meant to be it just seemed that no one understood me or I didn’t know what I should do or how to act. So I pulled away he never understood this or bothered to try to make me feel more comfortable. He just threw me in the water without a life jacket. Then he would get angry with me when I started to sink. I loved him more then anything I still do but I could not take it any longer.
This weekend was the last straw. I tried to let it slide I even lent him money to “get school supplies”, which to be honest now I think was to go out and play pool. I know for a fact he met a girl there. Someone his family would approve of. He didn’t call me that night or the next. He had forgotten me and I was reminded of the prophetic words of Greg Brehendt, ‘if he is not calling you or spending time with you he is just not that into you.’ That was when I knew I had to end it. I already felt betrayed and abandoned. I never expected this from him he used to be such a good person. I don’t know if he fell in love with someone else or, his new group of friends didn’t approve of me, or if it was just his family that changed him. I suppose I will never know. He had no time for me or the desire to make time. There was nothing I could do my heart is still shattering. I know I will be fine better to be alone then in a bad relationship with someone who just doesn’t care. Life is funny like that when something so amazing can die a harsh cold death in the jaws of a predator. It makes you wonder what its all for?
I wasn’t even attracted to this new person in front of me. Our sex life suffered greatly it just wasn’t there anymore he had killed my passion. I could tell he didn’t really love me things were a convenience to him. I wasn’t allowed to meet his friends from his new job. Every time I would ask to go with him he would say there were no girls there and that he didn’t want me to come with. When I told him that this hurt my feelings and made me feel awful he promised to make time to be with me. Like all of his promises this was empty. I still loved the man he had been and continued to hold on to my hope that he would break out of this phase and I would have my lover back.
It soon became apparent however that that was not to be. It was too late he had already decided he no longer cared for me at all. I stopped trying I didn’t ask to go to family things with him. His family hated me anyways. I always thought they did. It became apparent that nothing was good enough for him or his family and I was just a disrespectful girl. I never meant to be it just seemed that no one understood me or I didn’t know what I should do or how to act. So I pulled away he never understood this or bothered to try to make me feel more comfortable. He just threw me in the water without a life jacket. Then he would get angry with me when I started to sink. I loved him more then anything I still do but I could not take it any longer.
This weekend was the last straw. I tried to let it slide I even lent him money to “get school supplies”, which to be honest now I think was to go out and play pool. I know for a fact he met a girl there. Someone his family would approve of. He didn’t call me that night or the next. He had forgotten me and I was reminded of the prophetic words of Greg Brehendt, ‘if he is not calling you or spending time with you he is just not that into you.’ That was when I knew I had to end it. I already felt betrayed and abandoned. I never expected this from him he used to be such a good person. I don’t know if he fell in love with someone else or, his new group of friends didn’t approve of me, or if it was just his family that changed him. I suppose I will never know. He had no time for me or the desire to make time. There was nothing I could do my heart is still shattering. I know I will be fine better to be alone then in a bad relationship with someone who just doesn’t care. Life is funny like that when something so amazing can die a harsh cold death in the jaws of a predator. It makes you wonder what its all for?