i am my own worst enemy
i decided id try to like a girl.
this thing where i have to try to open my heart again leaves me pretty vulnerable to other people too. its kind of annoying.
its also annoying when i know im going to say the wrong thing.
when im not particularly interested in a girl, i dont really care what i say, because shes probably not particularly interested in me. and if she was and i say something wrong, oh well, now shes not, but i wasnt interested to begin with.
now i seem to care all of a sudden that everything i say is not quite right. i dont like caring what people think. i never really do and the amount of power it gives them over me when i begin to is more than you might think.
its a good thing nobody really realizes that because im sure they could easily use me if they somehow made me care about them to the point that they can use it against me.
anyway, this week has been horrible for several reasons. one of which i was stood up on my birthday dinner-date. the rest just sort of flows around that and women/girls.
i think sometimes people ask why girls are so important to me.. or more importantly why having one is. the short answer is that life is not complete without my other half. the balance to me.
balance in all things is very important. balance to compliment and oppose simultaneously. creating synergy.
ive been told that i make things sound poetic.
ive been told that im very romantic.
i would probably believe both of those people if those traits werent supposed to somehow be "good". apparently the kind of poetic and romantic i am will lend itself only to my written word.
caffeine sucks, btw.
im going to go try to maintain a stable face at my celebratory party now, admist the turmoil of my heart and mind.
just breathe.
this thing where i have to try to open my heart again leaves me pretty vulnerable to other people too. its kind of annoying.
its also annoying when i know im going to say the wrong thing.
when im not particularly interested in a girl, i dont really care what i say, because shes probably not particularly interested in me. and if she was and i say something wrong, oh well, now shes not, but i wasnt interested to begin with.
now i seem to care all of a sudden that everything i say is not quite right. i dont like caring what people think. i never really do and the amount of power it gives them over me when i begin to is more than you might think.
its a good thing nobody really realizes that because im sure they could easily use me if they somehow made me care about them to the point that they can use it against me.
anyway, this week has been horrible for several reasons. one of which i was stood up on my birthday dinner-date. the rest just sort of flows around that and women/girls.
i think sometimes people ask why girls are so important to me.. or more importantly why having one is. the short answer is that life is not complete without my other half. the balance to me.
balance in all things is very important. balance to compliment and oppose simultaneously. creating synergy.
ive been told that i make things sound poetic.
ive been told that im very romantic.
i would probably believe both of those people if those traits werent supposed to somehow be "good". apparently the kind of poetic and romantic i am will lend itself only to my written word.
caffeine sucks, btw.
im going to go try to maintain a stable face at my celebratory party now, admist the turmoil of my heart and mind.
just breathe.