I pity the devil.
It's been a long time since I've written on here.
It was a long time ago, when I was being consumed by my tormented mind.
I finally got help, although i was very reluctant to accept assistance.
I've been going to therapy and been on meds for a year and a half now.
For a long time i believed that science would not help me, ease me,
or provide me with a peace of mind leading to freedom.
But I just realized that it has.
Although medications are seen as creating fake emotions by many,
my words and feelings are real and these "words are a means to meaning".
I was diagnosed with OCD. It took them a long time to figure me out.
In fact I found this out a few weeks ago.
Now that I know me, I have learned to love myself.
Because of that, because i now love myself, I can now love others.
Something I thought I wasn't capable of doing.
I thought I would never be able to feel love because of past trauma.
Now,
I realize, that I am finally happy.
Although I have OCD that will never go away,
I am truly fortunate that my obsession is integrity,
and the welfare of those i that care about.
It's a birthmark that makes me, ME.
A beautiful birthmark, a medal and a quirky treasure.
I'm almost over the past terrors behind me.
I still have to accept that something so bitter
made me this strong.
For a long time i was consumed with hatred and resentment,
jealousy for those who were more fortunate,
and jealousy for those who so easily pleased their selfish desires.
I had a chronic anger to those who raped my mind and body,
a chronic hatred that pained me so deeply.
But i realized...
Sociopaths may fool me,
hurt me,
lie to me,
betray me,
orgasm at the idea that they know something that I don't know.
However, I will always be the winner,
because I too know something that they don't know.
Something that they will never know.
Love.
"Sometimes, when you lose, you win."
It was a long time ago, when I was being consumed by my tormented mind.
I finally got help, although i was very reluctant to accept assistance.
I've been going to therapy and been on meds for a year and a half now.
For a long time i believed that science would not help me, ease me,
or provide me with a peace of mind leading to freedom.
But I just realized that it has.
Although medications are seen as creating fake emotions by many,
my words and feelings are real and these "words are a means to meaning".
I was diagnosed with OCD. It took them a long time to figure me out.
In fact I found this out a few weeks ago.
Now that I know me, I have learned to love myself.
Because of that, because i now love myself, I can now love others.
Something I thought I wasn't capable of doing.
I thought I would never be able to feel love because of past trauma.
Now,
I realize, that I am finally happy.
Although I have OCD that will never go away,
I am truly fortunate that my obsession is integrity,
and the welfare of those i that care about.
It's a birthmark that makes me, ME.
A beautiful birthmark, a medal and a quirky treasure.
I'm almost over the past terrors behind me.
I still have to accept that something so bitter
made me this strong.
For a long time i was consumed with hatred and resentment,
jealousy for those who were more fortunate,
and jealousy for those who so easily pleased their selfish desires.
I had a chronic anger to those who raped my mind and body,
a chronic hatred that pained me so deeply.
But i realized...
Sociopaths may fool me,
hurt me,
lie to me,
betray me,
orgasm at the idea that they know something that I don't know.
However, I will always be the winner,
because I too know something that they don't know.
Something that they will never know.
Love.
"Sometimes, when you lose, you win."