Happy Birthday Jadesfire2808!
Many Happy Returns to
jadesfire2808! This cracktastic bit of fun was written just for you, I hope you enjoy:
Disclaimer: None of it is mine, not one little bit.
jadesfire2808’s Birthday Fic
One Time Too Many
In the House of Death footsteps clicked across the floor in that very special room lined with hour glasses. The feet stopped in front of a gap on the shelf, and their owner turned to face it. Death sighed, or at least he would have if he had lungs. Instead he performed an action that approximated sighing, before putting an hour glass back on the shelf.
“Not again master?” Albert commented.
YES, IT SEEMS THIS ONE DOESN’T LIKE TO STAY DEAD.
“Oh dear. That’s not very cooperative, I must say. How many times have you been for him now then?”
I’VE LOST COUNT.
“Oh dear, oh dear. Nice cup of tea then?” Albert scuttled off to the kitchen, leaving Death looking curiously at the anomalous hour glass, and the name plaque that read Doctor Daniel Jackson.
THE AUDITORS WILL NOT LIKE THIS.
*-*
Doctor Daniel Jackson was fast asleep on his desk, surrounded by paperwork, artefacts and books. In a corner of the office, a small thwack and an even smaller squeak could have been heard, were not the sole occupant of the room currently unconscious. Daniel stirred slightly, and became aware of a scratching noise on his desk. Blearily, he opened his eyes and raised his head. He rubbed his eyes and tried to focus on the tiny figure in front of him.
SQUEAK.
Daniel jumped backwards, falling from his chair. By the time he had clambered to his feet, the rat skeleton dressed in a robe and carrying a miniature scythe had vanished.
“I must be working too hard.” Daniel muttered, before heading to the refectory to find a cup of coffee.
*-*One Month Later*-*
“Unscheduled off-world activation.”
The assembled members of SG-1 in the briefing room turned to watch through the window as the incoming wormhole engaged. A few seconds later the iris was opened and SG-14 tumbled through, firing behind them, closely followed by four Jaffa. Daniel and the others were already running to the gate room, but by the time they reached it the security team had done its job. Daniel looked into the room and saw the Jaffa dead on the floor. He also saw a tall figure in a black robe.
“Who’s that?” Daniel asked, pointing.
“That’s Simmons. New recruit.” Jack replied. Daniel looked again, about to protest, but the figure in black had vanished.
Puzzled, and slightly worried he might be losing his marbles, Daniel made his excuses and headed back to his office. He sat down at his desk and put his head in his hands.
WE ARE ALONE. GOOD.
The Voice made Daniel start. He looked up and what he saw would have made him scream. That is he would have screamed if he could have made his vocal cords work; they seemed to have gone on strike. In fact his entire body seemed to have decided on this moment to force his brain to accept new management. All he could manage was,
“Gah!”
I WAS AFRAID OF THIS. YOU CAN SEE ME.
Still dumbstruck, Daniel managed a nod.
IT IS BECAUSE YOU ACHIEVED HIGHER CONSCIOUSNESS.
“Who are you?” Daniel managed to ask, having finally persuaded his body to desist in its mutiny and obey him again.
I AM DEATH.
“Death? As in the Grim Reaper? You’re real?” Daniel said. He wouldn’t have believed it, would have thought it some elaborate prank, if not for that Voice. The Voice was colder than a glacier and seemed both ancient and ageless at the same time. Daniel couldn’t exactly pinpoint where it was coming from, but when it was finished, he had the general impression that the skeleton had been speaking.
YES. AND NO. IN YOUR REALITY I AM USUALLY UNSEEN. BUT YOU ARE DIFFERENT.
“I’m different? Because I was ascended?” Daniel asked. Death inclined his head in a way that gave the impression he had just nodded. “So now I can see the Grim Reaper. Oh just marvellous.”
I AM SORRY. I MUST GO, I AM VERY BUSY. WATCH OUT FOR THE AUDITORS. THEY WILL NOT BE HAPPY ABOUT THIS.
“The auditors? Who are the auditors?” Daniel asked, but Death had already left, “Why won’t they be happy?” Daniel called out to thin air.
“Why won’t who be happy?” Sam asked, poking her head around the corner.
“Huh? Oh, um, nothing, I just figured out a line of translation.” Daniel replied.
“Oh, well come on, we have to finish our debrief.” Sam said. Daniel got up and followed her out of the room. When they had left, three ghostly, grey, faceless figures appeared in the room. They looked to each other and nodded once, before disappearing again.
Over the next six months, Daniel saw Death several times, far more times than he would have liked. Not that he had anything against Death, he was getting to know him and actually quite liked him. No, the problem was that any visit by Death was unfortunately necessitated by death. Most had been for enemies or strangers on other planets, but one or two had been for members of the SGC, a friend in one case. That was when he had challenged Death.
YOU REALLY WISH TO DO THIS?
“If I win, it will bring her back won’t it?” Daniel asked.
YES. BUT NOBODY HAS EVER WON. WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE?
“Chess is traditional isn’t it?” Daniel asked defiantly.
IT IS. BUT YOU CAN CHOOSE ANY GAME. ANY GAME AT ALL.
“I choose chess.”
Daniel had come close, very close. He had Death in check three times, but in the end Death had won. Death always won. Daniel was forced to say goodbye to Janet as he had with too many others he cared for.
That was the day Death realised that he cared about this mortal. He realised that in singling out Dr. Jackson for attention he had noticed his qualities and had come to admire them. In fact, aside from Albert, this was the only (full) mortal he had any kind of attachment to at all. He liked Daniel Jackson.
After that, they began to meet regularly, whether Death was there on business or not. They would play games, though never chess, and would discuss matters ranging from the weather to philosophy. Although Death generally hated small talk, being unfamiliar with human interaction, he found Daniel to be intelligent and direct and discovered that chatting to him was quite easy.
Daniel also found it surprisingly easy to converse with Death. He liked that Death saw the universe from a different perspective and that he was so honest in his answers. Daniel never plucked up the courage to tell any of SG-1 about his new ‘friend’. What the others would have made of it all, he couldn’t even begin to guess, although he could probably have a stab at Jack’s reaction. They never discovered his little secret though, whether that was through good fortune or Death’s interference, Daniel didn’t like to ask.
Then, one day, Death was seated in his study, going over his day’s duties, when an all too familiar hourglass appeared on the desk. He looked up and saw three auditors floating above his desk.
YOU COME HERE?
It must be finished. He must not come back again. One said.
THERE HAS NEVER BEEN ANY INTERFERENCE.
Nothing must interrupt the natural balance. We make sure of that. One said.
THEY HAVE ALL BEEN NATURAL. WHAT WILL BE WILL BE.
Exactly. Death is inevitable. One replied.
Death stared at the Auditors with a gaze that could freeze the sun then, picking up the hourglass, he swept out of the study.
“Er, is that a yes?”
Death arrived on the Replicator ship as the last grains of sand began to slip through to the bottom of the hourglass. Replicator Sam had killed Daniel, that much was obvious, but Daniel’s spirit wasn’t in his body. Death examined the hourglass again and saw that the last grains of sand were frozen in place.
He thought for a moment, and then he turned the glass over before leaving as the Replicator ship was destroyed.
The End.