Letters never sent
Prompt:
I’m trying to keep sane as the rules keep changing
Families aren’t what they were
Character: Lily
'Verse: Rift
Dear Iris,
There is so much I want to tell you, but I can't. I know he needs this. I hate how much he needs this. I want to be enough for him. I want to fulfill him. But the more time I spend with him, the more aware I get that he needs someone beyond me. Someone else. He needs someone else.
And so I hate you for that. Because he needs you, and not just me. I love him so much. I'm not even sure how to explain to someone how much exactly that is. I don't know if I can ever explain it to him again. Not after I left. Not after I hurt him like that. But I thought, I thought that if I couldn't save myself, he couldn't have me. And I thought he loved me so I thought leaving -- why am I trying to justify my actions to you? I don't know. You make me scared. You make me insecure.
But at the same time, I worry for you. Because he's going to hurt you. He's going to damage you. And I'm going to watch him do it, let him do it, and do nothing to stop it. I am going to turn a blind eye to his damage. I am going to be just as culpable for when you burn as he is, through my inaction.
I want to take you in, give you a bit of happiness in your life for when you're stuck between my brother and my cousin. You'll think you have happiness there. They'll let you think that you're experiencing happiness. But they're only setting you up to fall.
I fear that I will only be doing the same thing. That if I give you happiness I'll only be propping you up so you can fall further. It seems that no matter what I do, I'm playing into my brother's plans. Or my cousin's, even if I'm pretty sure she's not quite as good at thinking five steps ahead.
So I'm sorry in advance, if I hurt you. When I hurt you. Please know that. You seem like such a nice girl, even if you're a little naïve. No offense meant there, either. I do respect you, even if you're not as smart as the rest of us.
I would do something, I really would, if I didn't know that he needed this. I would tell you, but I think you wouldn't be able to hear me anymore. So I apologize, in a way you'll never hear, so maybe I can feel slightly better about myself.
I'm sorry I love him. I'm sorry you have to hurt because of that.
Lily
I’m trying to keep sane as the rules keep changing
Families aren’t what they were
Character: Lily
'Verse: Rift
Dear Iris,
There is so much I want to tell you, but I can't. I know he needs this. I hate how much he needs this. I want to be enough for him. I want to fulfill him. But the more time I spend with him, the more aware I get that he needs someone beyond me. Someone else. He needs someone else.
And so I hate you for that. Because he needs you, and not just me. I love him so much. I'm not even sure how to explain to someone how much exactly that is. I don't know if I can ever explain it to him again. Not after I left. Not after I hurt him like that. But I thought, I thought that if I couldn't save myself, he couldn't have me. And I thought he loved me so I thought leaving -- why am I trying to justify my actions to you? I don't know. You make me scared. You make me insecure.
But at the same time, I worry for you. Because he's going to hurt you. He's going to damage you. And I'm going to watch him do it, let him do it, and do nothing to stop it. I am going to turn a blind eye to his damage. I am going to be just as culpable for when you burn as he is, through my inaction.
I want to take you in, give you a bit of happiness in your life for when you're stuck between my brother and my cousin. You'll think you have happiness there. They'll let you think that you're experiencing happiness. But they're only setting you up to fall.
I fear that I will only be doing the same thing. That if I give you happiness I'll only be propping you up so you can fall further. It seems that no matter what I do, I'm playing into my brother's plans. Or my cousin's, even if I'm pretty sure she's not quite as good at thinking five steps ahead.
So I'm sorry in advance, if I hurt you. When I hurt you. Please know that. You seem like such a nice girl, even if you're a little naïve. No offense meant there, either. I do respect you, even if you're not as smart as the rest of us.
I would do something, I really would, if I didn't know that he needed this. I would tell you, but I think you wouldn't be able to hear me anymore. So I apologize, in a way you'll never hear, so maybe I can feel slightly better about myself.
I'm sorry I love him. I'm sorry you have to hurt because of that.
Lily