World Wide Web Woes
Title: World Wide Web Woes
Author: idontgiveafaux
Rating: PG
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Prompt: H/D Crack (I tried my hardest… I don’t really know what qualifies as crack)
Word Count: 600
Summary: Draco comes across an unflattering request
Warnings: (at your discretion) Language, drug talk, mild sex talk
Notes: Belated birthday gift!fic for xingou x
“Well really!” Draco exclaimed in outrage as he sat on the chair at the computer desk, clicking away furiously with the mouse. Harry, quite content with lounging on the sofa and reading his Goldfish Weekly magazine thank you very much, ignored him as he read through the most fascinating article on fish scales.
“I can’t believe this!” Draco said, even louder in case Harry hadn’t heard him the first time. And when Harry still didn’t respond, he resorted to using the only method he knew would definitely catch his boyfriends attention.
“GRYFFINDORS SUCK!”
“And they’re damn good at it!” Harry replied with a winning smile that prompted Draco to grin too.
“Now I’ve caught your attention, oh dear sweet lover of mine, could I possibly divert you from your extremely interesting magazine and ask you to look at what I’ve found on the World Wide Web please?”
“Everyone calls it the Internet you know,” Harry replied, getting up from the sofa.
“Well I’m not everyone, Potter,” Draco said irritably and when Harry had made his way over, he jabbed at the computer screen furiously.
“Look! LOOK!”
“I’m looking.”
“Aren’t you outraged? Aren’t you horrified?”
“No.”
“This… xingou woman has asked for a “fic” about us.”
“Draco, you don’t have to keep pulling the inverted quotes sign with your fingers every time you mention the word fic. I keep telling you - these fics are really being written, they're not made up!”
“Yes, but that’s not all!” Draco continued dramatically. “She’s asked for a fic and crack.”
“Crack? What’s crack?”
“Oh god Potter, you don’t even know what crack is!?”
“Erm…” Harry faltered, but it was too late because Draco was already in hysterics. “Well if you’re so clever maybe you can tell me what it is then!” Harry added angrily.
“Drugs, you idiot!”
“Of course… I knew that.”
“Of course you did!” Draco replied smugly. “I bet you’ve never even had a drag of a cigarette before, have you?”
“Yes I have!” Harry retorted fiercely. “Anyway, what’s so bad about her request?”
“Because this… this… druggie has not only asked for crack but a fic about us too! Which means fics about us are being written and read by crack addicts! I am not associated with crack! You, maybe -”
“What do you mean, me maybe?” Harry interjected angrily.
Draco rolled his eyes. “Do I really have to repeat myself again? It’s your hair, Potter - ”
“You blame everything on my hair!”
“Because it’s the cause of blame for everything wrong -”
“When we couldn’t get into that restaurant the other week because it was fully booked, you said it was because of my hair!”
“It was -”
“When I threw up after drinking too much at Hermione’s party you said it was because of my hair!”
“Well who wouldn’t be sick -”
“And when you couldn’t get it up last night you said it was because -”
“My point is that nobody would even dare venture a footstep outside of their house with your coiffure. Unless they were completely out of their mind. On drugs, for instance. Therefore, you and crack go together. Understand?”
“No…” replied Harry uncertainly before he began to reason in desperation, “Maybe she didn’t mean crack as in drugs! Maybe she wanted a fic crack? Or a crack fic? A crackfic!”
“Stop pulling words from your imaginary vocabulary, Potter!” Draco sneered scornfully. “Crackfic, indeed! What are you, some kind of moron?”
“Fuck you.”
“A moron with a memory like your beloved goldfish. You did that last night, remember!?”
Author: idontgiveafaux
Rating: PG
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Prompt: H/D Crack (I tried my hardest… I don’t really know what qualifies as crack)
Word Count: 600
Summary: Draco comes across an unflattering request
Warnings: (at your discretion) Language, drug talk, mild sex talk
Notes: Belated birthday gift!fic for xingou x
“Well really!” Draco exclaimed in outrage as he sat on the chair at the computer desk, clicking away furiously with the mouse. Harry, quite content with lounging on the sofa and reading his Goldfish Weekly magazine thank you very much, ignored him as he read through the most fascinating article on fish scales.
“I can’t believe this!” Draco said, even louder in case Harry hadn’t heard him the first time. And when Harry still didn’t respond, he resorted to using the only method he knew would definitely catch his boyfriends attention.
“GRYFFINDORS SUCK!”
“And they’re damn good at it!” Harry replied with a winning smile that prompted Draco to grin too.
“Now I’ve caught your attention, oh dear sweet lover of mine, could I possibly divert you from your extremely interesting magazine and ask you to look at what I’ve found on the World Wide Web please?”
“Everyone calls it the Internet you know,” Harry replied, getting up from the sofa.
“Well I’m not everyone, Potter,” Draco said irritably and when Harry had made his way over, he jabbed at the computer screen furiously.
“Look! LOOK!”
“I’m looking.”
“Aren’t you outraged? Aren’t you horrified?”
“No.”
“This… xingou woman has asked for a “fic” about us.”
“Draco, you don’t have to keep pulling the inverted quotes sign with your fingers every time you mention the word fic. I keep telling you - these fics are really being written, they're not made up!”
“Yes, but that’s not all!” Draco continued dramatically. “She’s asked for a fic and crack.”
“Crack? What’s crack?”
“Oh god Potter, you don’t even know what crack is!?”
“Erm…” Harry faltered, but it was too late because Draco was already in hysterics. “Well if you’re so clever maybe you can tell me what it is then!” Harry added angrily.
“Drugs, you idiot!”
“Of course… I knew that.”
“Of course you did!” Draco replied smugly. “I bet you’ve never even had a drag of a cigarette before, have you?”
“Yes I have!” Harry retorted fiercely. “Anyway, what’s so bad about her request?”
“Because this… this… druggie has not only asked for crack but a fic about us too! Which means fics about us are being written and read by crack addicts! I am not associated with crack! You, maybe -”
“What do you mean, me maybe?” Harry interjected angrily.
Draco rolled his eyes. “Do I really have to repeat myself again? It’s your hair, Potter - ”
“You blame everything on my hair!”
“Because it’s the cause of blame for everything wrong -”
“When we couldn’t get into that restaurant the other week because it was fully booked, you said it was because of my hair!”
“It was -”
“When I threw up after drinking too much at Hermione’s party you said it was because of my hair!”
“Well who wouldn’t be sick -”
“And when you couldn’t get it up last night you said it was because -”
“My point is that nobody would even dare venture a footstep outside of their house with your coiffure. Unless they were completely out of their mind. On drugs, for instance. Therefore, you and crack go together. Understand?”
“No…” replied Harry uncertainly before he began to reason in desperation, “Maybe she didn’t mean crack as in drugs! Maybe she wanted a fic crack? Or a crack fic? A crackfic!”
“Stop pulling words from your imaginary vocabulary, Potter!” Draco sneered scornfully. “Crackfic, indeed! What are you, some kind of moron?”
“Fuck you.”
“A moron with a memory like your beloved goldfish. You did that last night, remember!?”