....
Hey guys.
No, I'm not really a Zombie... I'm actually still alive and kicking - it's definitely a coincidence that I'm updating this dusty journal tonight of all nights. (Happy Halloween, by the way)
Not much to tell, to be honest. There's so much stuff to do for University that it would have made me want to shoot myself only a year ago. Now though? Now I'm actually excited for Uni which is something that hasn't been the case for a very long time. I made some very amazing friends, met lots of new people, I'm moving to Basel TOMORROW (no more daily 4-hour train rides!!) and my new study subject is wonderful.
And on top of it all? Show is being awesome too. SAMMY PUPPY IS BACK. Even if he might not have a soul - The Puppy face definitely didn't disappoint. (has been way too long since we last caught a glimpse of it... why was it hiding? Did it have a falling out with last season's Sam-hair?!)
Here's what I've been asking myself: How come Sam cares that he doesn't feel anymore? Is it because he remembers what it used to be like when he still knew how to feel?
I think Dean scares him. And that's the actual reason he didn't want to reunite with him. If he wasn't able to care that there was a very real chance his brother might not survive that vamp gig he sure as hell didn't know how to care for Dean having a "normal life" with Lisa and Ben either. I think he lied when he used it as an explanation for keeping away an entire year.
He's cold and fearless and "a better hunter than he's ever been" - it makes sense that he wanted to stay away from Dean. Somewhere, deep down, he must have known that with Dean around he wouldn't be able to ignore his inability to feel anymore. Dean's presence would make him remember that he used to be different - and that thought must have scared him. I don't think what he said is true: "Nothing scares me anymore, because I can't feel it!" --- He CAN feel that he can't feel. Because he must remember the Sam he used to be. And that's what scares him. With Dean around he can't ignore it anymore, can't push that fear away because Dean makes it real. Dean IS Sam's past.
Man... Dean's alone again, huh? Can't seem to keep anyone around, can't be the protector, brother, son, father, lover he so desperately wants to be. Instead, he's a killer, destined to lead a bloody, hopeless life.
Makes me sad to think back to Season one where he was this very fucked-up boyish man who loved his job, loved to save people, got off on the exhilaration a hunt brought along. The young man who longed for his father's approval, had this one job, this one purpose in life to keep his family - his baby brother - save. He was arrogant in a very selfless way, was sure of himself, of his role in life and yet, he loved so fiercely and obsessively that it might have scared even himself a little. So little self-worth he had, so conflicted he was... and NOW? That guy from Season one is almost entirely gone. Only a very small, almost unrecognizable trace left of him. He is broken and desperate and he hates himself, hates his job. Can't trust his brother anymore, has lost faith in his dad and his family. Saving people isn't a good thing anymore - it's a burden to him. Sees himself as a killer, not a savior. He's a shell of who he was five years ago.
And I don't mean this in a bad way, at all. With all its faults, this show truly knows how to work character development (Jensen and Jared too, if I might add). Even if Dean has changed so drastically, it makes sense why he did. And it is still him - just a very very messed-up version of the messed-up Dean he was to begin with. (I know, I know, my inner Dean-girl is showing. Blaah)
That being said, I didn't much care for Weekend at Bobby's and Live Free and Twi Hard. But I absolutely love where Season Six is going so far! :D
No, I'm not really a Zombie... I'm actually still alive and kicking - it's definitely a coincidence that I'm updating this dusty journal tonight of all nights. (Happy Halloween, by the way)
Not much to tell, to be honest. There's so much stuff to do for University that it would have made me want to shoot myself only a year ago. Now though? Now I'm actually excited for Uni which is something that hasn't been the case for a very long time. I made some very amazing friends, met lots of new people, I'm moving to Basel TOMORROW (no more daily 4-hour train rides!!) and my new study subject is wonderful.
And on top of it all? Show is being awesome too. SAMMY PUPPY IS BACK. Even if he might not have a soul - The Puppy face definitely didn't disappoint. (has been way too long since we last caught a glimpse of it... why was it hiding? Did it have a falling out with last season's Sam-hair?!)
Here's what I've been asking myself: How come Sam cares that he doesn't feel anymore? Is it because he remembers what it used to be like when he still knew how to feel?
I think Dean scares him. And that's the actual reason he didn't want to reunite with him. If he wasn't able to care that there was a very real chance his brother might not survive that vamp gig he sure as hell didn't know how to care for Dean having a "normal life" with Lisa and Ben either. I think he lied when he used it as an explanation for keeping away an entire year.
He's cold and fearless and "a better hunter than he's ever been" - it makes sense that he wanted to stay away from Dean. Somewhere, deep down, he must have known that with Dean around he wouldn't be able to ignore his inability to feel anymore. Dean's presence would make him remember that he used to be different - and that thought must have scared him. I don't think what he said is true: "Nothing scares me anymore, because I can't feel it!" --- He CAN feel that he can't feel. Because he must remember the Sam he used to be. And that's what scares him. With Dean around he can't ignore it anymore, can't push that fear away because Dean makes it real. Dean IS Sam's past.
Man... Dean's alone again, huh? Can't seem to keep anyone around, can't be the protector, brother, son, father, lover he so desperately wants to be. Instead, he's a killer, destined to lead a bloody, hopeless life.
Makes me sad to think back to Season one where he was this very fucked-up boyish man who loved his job, loved to save people, got off on the exhilaration a hunt brought along. The young man who longed for his father's approval, had this one job, this one purpose in life to keep his family - his baby brother - save. He was arrogant in a very selfless way, was sure of himself, of his role in life and yet, he loved so fiercely and obsessively that it might have scared even himself a little. So little self-worth he had, so conflicted he was... and NOW? That guy from Season one is almost entirely gone. Only a very small, almost unrecognizable trace left of him. He is broken and desperate and he hates himself, hates his job. Can't trust his brother anymore, has lost faith in his dad and his family. Saving people isn't a good thing anymore - it's a burden to him. Sees himself as a killer, not a savior. He's a shell of who he was five years ago.
And I don't mean this in a bad way, at all. With all its faults, this show truly knows how to work character development (Jensen and Jared too, if I might add). Even if Dean has changed so drastically, it makes sense why he did. And it is still him - just a very very messed-up version of the messed-up Dean he was to begin with. (I know, I know, my inner Dean-girl is showing. Blaah)
That being said, I didn't much care for Weekend at Bobby's and Live Free and Twi Hard. But I absolutely love where Season Six is going so far! :D