<33mike<33 i love you. R.I.P.
ok, so this weekend was good. friday was really fun. i met so many people, and saw so many people i hadnt seen in forever. and it was just like one of those things where its not planned or expected. and its all so random, but it turns out so perfect and you never want to go home. but in my case you go home an hour before you have to wake up for a race. not good.
but i made up my mind about one thing this weekend. i quit quitting boys. if that made any sense at all. it was a stupid thing to do in the first place. i actually dont know why i did it, i guess it was probably to keep myself from getting hurt. but that was a dumb thought.
all i know is ive been obsessing over this one thing for so long, and i honestly dont even know why. i didnt even realize it until the other night and i was laying there and realized how obsessed i really was, and then how pathetic it all really was. because its not something i would obsess over. ever.
so im laying there in the grass trying to figure it out. but all i came up with was that i dont like the same things anymore. and the things i like now are just pathetic. so what if i was stupid and naive, i liked it when nothin matered to me. everyone used to tell us to grow up and that we would regret not taking life more seriously. but i had fun with all the stupid things we did.
i was talking to this guy and i just got so mad over what he said. and i started yelling at him and i just told him everything that had ever happened because of the stuff we did. and he was just like woah. it was almost like he didnt know that stuff would really happen to people. or atleast not people my age. and then he was like woah. im so sorry. and i thought about it and realized that i dont regret doing anything we did. i mean yea, a lot of times it ended really bad, but it was always fun.
and i was laying there thinking of how pathetic it was that i could obsess over somthing now that a year ago i wouldnt have even given second thought. and then i started thinking about the stuff that we used to do and everyone i used to be friends with. and i remember thinking they were so stupid, but then i used to be exactly like them. and im laying there wishing that i was still like that even if it was stupid and it got us in trouble. and then i just started sobbing.
and i thought i was crying because i was realizing i could never get this thing im obsessing over, or maybe because i was just realizing that i liked it at all. but i think its because in a way i wish i had never changed at all. but either way i was laying there balling my eyes out, and just then i hated just about everything except that one stupid thing that i was obsessing over. and i hate that.
so all and all that probably doesnt make sense..but it doesnt make sense to me yet. so i decided everything ive done in the past year must have been stupid. and at the moment, im determined to erase it. so i called brad. and he might be comming down sometime during my break. i need to call april lizzie and aj too. and that would be amazing. i wish mike was still alive. he died exactly one year ago today. us six together were like the absolute best at stupid shit. i miss that. <3R.I.P.<3
but i made up my mind about one thing this weekend. i quit quitting boys. if that made any sense at all. it was a stupid thing to do in the first place. i actually dont know why i did it, i guess it was probably to keep myself from getting hurt. but that was a dumb thought.
all i know is ive been obsessing over this one thing for so long, and i honestly dont even know why. i didnt even realize it until the other night and i was laying there and realized how obsessed i really was, and then how pathetic it all really was. because its not something i would obsess over. ever.
so im laying there in the grass trying to figure it out. but all i came up with was that i dont like the same things anymore. and the things i like now are just pathetic. so what if i was stupid and naive, i liked it when nothin matered to me. everyone used to tell us to grow up and that we would regret not taking life more seriously. but i had fun with all the stupid things we did.
i was talking to this guy and i just got so mad over what he said. and i started yelling at him and i just told him everything that had ever happened because of the stuff we did. and he was just like woah. it was almost like he didnt know that stuff would really happen to people. or atleast not people my age. and then he was like woah. im so sorry. and i thought about it and realized that i dont regret doing anything we did. i mean yea, a lot of times it ended really bad, but it was always fun.
and i was laying there thinking of how pathetic it was that i could obsess over somthing now that a year ago i wouldnt have even given second thought. and then i started thinking about the stuff that we used to do and everyone i used to be friends with. and i remember thinking they were so stupid, but then i used to be exactly like them. and im laying there wishing that i was still like that even if it was stupid and it got us in trouble. and then i just started sobbing.
and i thought i was crying because i was realizing i could never get this thing im obsessing over, or maybe because i was just realizing that i liked it at all. but i think its because in a way i wish i had never changed at all. but either way i was laying there balling my eyes out, and just then i hated just about everything except that one stupid thing that i was obsessing over. and i hate that.
so all and all that probably doesnt make sense..but it doesnt make sense to me yet. so i decided everything ive done in the past year must have been stupid. and at the moment, im determined to erase it. so i called brad. and he might be comming down sometime during my break. i need to call april lizzie and aj too. and that would be amazing. i wish mike was still alive. he died exactly one year ago today. us six together were like the absolute best at stupid shit. i miss that. <3R.I.P.<3