(no subject)
so umm..nothing new has really happened..im switching schools, but i guess i expected to be more excited about it. i feel like i have soo much pressure on me all the time. i want to go to a good school now, and get good grades, and do good in crew..so that i can go to a good college((hopefully duke))..so im looking at alot of schools. my parents think it would be easiest to send me to boarding school, but then i would have to quit crew. i was really not okay with that, but then i figured it would get me away and maybe wouldnt be so bad. but when i was filling out applications they were like talk about something you really enjoy doing. and i decided to write about crew, and that just made me like go into hysterics because i realized i wouldnt know what to do without crew. like my friends there mean the world to me. they would have other crew teams at the new schools, but i wouldnt even want to be on another team..its just not the same. it probably sounds like im just spoiled and i want everything, and i guess i sort of do. i want to be happy now, and i want to be happy in my future. olympia is an ok option, but im not even sure i would like it there. also my parents seem to think that if i went to olympia i would just forget about school, party all the time, and get really bad grades..i dont know why they dont understand that i wouldnt do that. if im alive for my future i want it to be amazing. i dont want to be poor and i dont want to have a crappy job. my last day was supposed to be thursday, but i still have no school, so im guessing that ill have to go back to lake highland on monday. i thought this whole thing would be really exciting and fun, but its turning out to be a nightmare. my dad is yelling at me more because he says i should jsut be happy and stay where i am. and i hate it that he doesnt understand why i want to go. and it only makes me get mad at him for not understanding and mad at myself for not being happy with where i am. and i yell back, and that only makes it worse. the one person i was even comfortable talking to about all of this with, well, we dont talk anymore. im starting to think if i had never joined crew, maybe i wouldnt know what it could be like, and maybe id still be happy at lake highland.