fic: Strange and Beautiful; NC-17; 1/1
Title: Strange and Beautiful (1/1)
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing(s)/Character(s): Sirius/Remus; James/Lily, Harry
Rating: NC-17 (couch sex!)
Summary: A baby is born, Sirius grows up (a little), an Important Conversation is had, and Remus thinks too much.
Word Count: 5339
Disclaimer: these characters are not mine, nor do I claim them as such.
Author's Notes: I actually wrote this about six months ago, and then promptly forgot about it. I think it's a bit fluffy for post-Hogwarts R/S, but what're you gonna do. Also, title is from Strange and Beautiful by Aqualung, great song.
Today is a good day. Today, I can say that without even a slight doubt. It's the middle of the summer and it's sweltering, everyone in the room is at least a little bit sweaty, and at most looking like they've just come in from a bad storm (Lily, followed closely by James). I dislike an overabundance of heat, as a rule, and there's nothing like a too-sunny, too-hot summer day to put me in a grouchy mood, but today, I honestly don't mind. St. Mungo's is bustling, like it always is, but today the hospital doesn't hold the threat of insensitive healers or yearly check-ups or injured friends; today it honestly only provides joy. The joy I can see written so plainly all over James' face; joy, awe, surprise, bewilderment and a little bit of hysterical giddiness (which all mean the same thing, interjects the little voice in my head that sounds suspiciously like Sirius, and sometimes like my mother). Today, nothing in the world could make James less happy. I feel a swell of some kind of pride myself at that, reveling in how much James has changed (for the better), how happy I am that he has found such happiness. Lily's expression is much the same, except with an added dash of bone-shattering exhaustion. Her red hair is damp and a bit stringy, hanging over her face like that, and her cheeks have a delightful flush to them, and despite the sweat and the unflattering hospital gown, she looks just as lovely as she always has. James and Lily are both staring, transfixed, at the small bundle in Lily's arms. We're all staring, we're all transfixed by the new life that wasn't out in the world yesterday. It's a baby boy, and despite the fact he was born this morning he's already got a collection of distinctly dark and unruly (I'm not quite positive how ten-ish peach fuzz hairs can be unruly) hairs atop his head.
"Harry." James says for what has to be the fifteenth time, eyes sparkling with joy and voice that same delirious, slightly irritating tone that he's had all morning.
"He's beautiful." Sirius says, all in one huff of a breath, almost a whisper, like it's a big secret. I glance over at him and can't help the smile that tugs on my lips at his expression. It's almost like James', except with more bewilderment and comically large eyes. He feels me looking at him and drags his eyes away from Harry to glance back at me. His eyes twinkle.
"Not as beautiful as you, of course, Moony." he adds, and I can feel my ears go distinctly pink, and that's just ridiculous because I'm far too grown-up for going pink around the ears at a compliment. I mumble a half-coherent comeback that, I'm sure, would knock that silly grin off Sirius' face, if only I could think properly. He turns his attention back to Harry and that bewildered expression comes back.
"Harry." James repeats, completely ignoring Sirius' inane flirtations, "He's going to be amazing. Best wizard ever. I can feel it." Harry makes a small noise and shifts, as if he approves of his fate to be The Best Wizard Ever.
"He is quite wonderful," I add, after I've had a moment to collect the shattered pieces of my dignity off the floor.
"Yeah." Sirius breaths in agreement, a pleased, absentminded smile tugging at his lips that I can't recall seeing there before.
"Okay! Party's over!" says the kindly old witch serving as Lily's nurse, "Mummy and baby need their rest!" she says in that supposed-to-be-adorable tone that every woman adopts when talking to (or about) a baby. The tone grates on my eardrums and I'm more than pleased to lead the procession away from it. Sirius reaches over and strokes a thumb over little Harry's tiny cheek and James plants a kiss on top of his wife's head, then one on top of his son's. He whispers something to Lily and she smiles and I grab Sirius' arm, tugging him gently away. He goes willingly, but not without a few longing backwards glances. We start down the hall and my fingers slide down his arm on my way to releasing him, but he raises his hand and catches my fingers. Sirius is affectionate, sure, almost to the point of indecency, but hand-holding is not something he does often. It's probably got something to do with the fact that he often mistakes his hands for paws and forgets he has thumbs. And we haven't specifically stated that the general public can't know, but it's second nature for me to hide controversial details about myself. Hand-holding is just not something we've done a lot of. I suppose that's why my heart beats out of my chest so when he casually twines our fingers together, and I suppose that's why I feel so full of love for him in that moment.
We walk into the waiting room and pause, glancing around and then back at James, who stops just in front of us and gives us each a huge grin.
"Congratulations, James." I say sincerely and he just goes on grinning, and for once it's me, not Sirius, who reads James' mind and sees the this is what I've been waiting for behind his smile. Sirius starts to slap James good-naturedly on the back but then loses his nerve and ends up pulling James into a hug, and James winks at me over Sirius' shoulder. I roll my eyes and can't help but smirk.
"Make sure not to drop him, yeah?" Sirius says cheekily while pulling away from the hug, and they share A Look. It seems like a private kind of best-friends-forever look so I glance away and smile at a nurse at a desk.
"You two should go home and get some rest." James says after a beat and I look back over, my smile widening.
"But--!" Sirius starts, and I cut him off.
"I think that's a wonderful idea," I say, giving Sirius A Look of my own that silences him (but not completely, because he still pouts), "Will you be all right here?" I ask, and then James' grin is blinding me again.
"More than." James says easily, "Go on, get out of here. Go sleep or... whatever it is you do in the privacy of your own home." He's teasing me, I know it, but I don't bother scolding him because Sirius gives me this impish grin and a nod. James trails over to the nurse's station and Sirius nudges me towards the line of fireplaces on the other side of the room. He's still holding my hand when we step up to one and only releases it after I tug my arm away and step into the Floo. I brush the dust off my robes when I step through, making my way briskly to the kitchen and not pausing when I hear the roar of the fire behind me. The clock over the stove says that it's four o'clock, which means that we've been at the hospital for nearly thirteen hours, which is ridiculous. I take two cups down from the cupboard and magic them full of tea, adding lots of sugar and cream to one and a dash of sugar to the other.
"When was it that you memorized how I like my tea?" Sirius asks from behind while he slips his arms around my waist and rests his chin on my shoulder. I don't flinch, because I knew he was there. He knows better than to try to sneak up on a werewolf, but I think he just does it because he likes to.
"Third year." I say, without missing a beat, "When Lucius Malfoy turned your hands into feather dusters because you dyed his hair pink. Madame Pomfrey couldn't figure out how to fix it for a week. You made me make your tea." Sirius grunts in my ear, which is probably a reaction to the L-M-word(s) that we're not supposed to ever mention.
"Even then you did whatever I told you to." Sirius teases, nibbling my earlobe and I do my best not to blush.
"Well there's no accounting for taste." I mutter into my teacup, taking a long sip so I don't have to focus on Sirius' lips in he vicinity of my ears. He moves his mouth away from my skin and puts his chin back on my shoulder, huffing out a breath that ruffles my hair.
"Harry," he starts, shifting his arms around my waist and curling his fingers between the buttons of my shirt, "is kind of amazing. Don't you think?" He asks the question in a far-away kind of voice that's tinted with awe and I can tell the birth of his godson has really affected Sirius. I hmm in agreement, taking another sip of tea.
"It's like," he pauses, and I can feel his jaw working against my shoulder as he tries to find the words, "Life. Little, tiny, beautiful life, and it wasn't there yesterday but it's here today and-- and you just know the world is better for it." I turn my head slightly, trying to catch his eye so he can see my raised-eyebrows expression at his ramblings, but he's staring ahead, thinking intently.
"It kind of makes you want to be a better person, y'know?" he finally looks over at me and flushes a little, his grin is impish and endearing. I blink at him in shock, letting my mouth fall open in an over-dramatic gasp. I make a show of putting down my cup, letting it clink against the counter like I never do.
"Sirius--" I say, voice urgent as I turn around in his grasp to face him. I grab his face and search it, as if I'm inspecting for damage. His expression is slightly bemused, mostly surprised, and he has no idea what I'm getting at.
"That was-- I think... Sirius, don't be alarmed, but I think... I think you just grew up a little." my expression is grim for a few moments while he processes my words and it's spectacularly difficult to keep a straight face, but his expression is worth it. He goes from honest shock to alarm to amusement all in a matter of seconds. He lets out a laugh and it's honest and loud and beautiful and I let the grin break over my face. He throws his arms around me and tugs me into a tight embrace, burying his head in my neck and laughing there. I put my arms up around his shoulders and chuckle slightly, feeling a swell of love for this man who's twenty and only just growing up, and I can't say I would want him any other way.
"You know," Sirius says finally after a few moments of laughter, "I think you're right." He pulls back a little to look at me and his eyes are sparkling with laughter and joy. I can't help the goofy smile that breaks over my face or the way my hand moves on its' own to trace a thumb over his cheekbone.
"Don't grow up too much, or you might start to become unrecognizable. You might even--Merlin forbid--cut your hair." Sirius looks affronted by this for a moment, then shakes his head, and shaggy black hairs are assaulting my face so I lean back and laugh.
"That's not possible. I look far too dashing with long hair. You would leave me in a moment if you saw how ridiculous I look with short hair." he nods like that's that and I nod too, because it's probably true that he looks ridiculous with short hair but I have the sneaking suspicion that I wouldn't leave him even if he dyed his hair puce and gave himself a mohawk. He takes me by surprise and ducks his head and catches my lips in a kiss so I make a very undignified surprised sound and he swallows it. The kiss turns hard fast and my back bumps into the counter and I arch away from it. One of his hands slips under my button-up and I make another sound, and by now it's just easier to pretend I can't hear myself and hold onto some shred of dignity. He slows the kiss just as soon as I start to pant, and I follow him when he pulls away even though I feel ridiculous doing so. It's true, I can never pull away from him, I can never say no to him. He huffs a breathless laugh against my lips and tugs away, and I have to make a conscious effort not to follow. He presses our foreheads together and smiles, and I do my best to get my brain working again.
"Doesn't it make you think?" he asks and I blink, because there are very few things that are making me think right now, "About kids... I mean, having your own? I never really thought I would have any... Never thought I could find a girl that would want to spend more than a week with me." He grins and there, he's making fun of me again, but for some reason I have to fight to keep the frown on my face. But then I realize he's talking about children and he put a reference to our relationship in the midst of talking about how maybe he might like kids someday. My heart and lungs simultaneously try to clamor out through my esophagus. He must see the alarm register on my face, because he backpedals a little.
"I mean, not that we... Well... I don't really want to see myself with anyone else." He says that, just says it, like it's nothing and it's out there and I can't breath.
"Moony? Moony, breath." he's smiling and he puts a hand on my shoulder and shakes it a little, and I do breath and I get that feeling where I know he's making fun of me again, but I can't care because I think he might have just proposed.
"Pads, I--" I start, but he cuts me off and rolls his eyes.
"Oh shut up, Moony, and stop acting so surprised." I blink in surprise, and then think about that a little, and then I realize that he's right and just because we haven't said it until now doesn't mean it wasn't true two minutes ago. It is true, it's true because Sirius is perfect, has always been perfect and will always be perfect, will always be everything I'll ever need in a friend and in a lover. And I don't have to bother about the werewolf thing, because that was solved years ago and Sirius knows exactly who I am, inside and out, waxing and waning, and he loves me anyways, Merlin help him. I glance away and think for a moment, and when I look back at him his eyebrows are raised and his eyes are wide in a remarkably canine bad-dog expression.
"I never thought... Well, I never thought it was probable that I would find anyone, let alone have children with them. And it's not... Lycanthropy isn't hereditary, but werewolves rarely have children because of the danger there. I mean, it's dangerous enough for an adult wizard to be around one," at this I give Sirius A Look, "but a child? I couldn't subject another human life to the torture that I've known." I'm talking from a book again, I know I am, and I know how much it pisses Sirius off but I can't help it, these are the facts and the facts are the only things that are reasonable.
"Remus." Sirius says in his Serious Voice, and drags my gaze up to his with that one word alone, "Forget about the journals and the textbooks and the studies, don't pay attention to all the references your brain is making and just tell me what you want." his mouth is a stern line and when he's like this it's easy to see he comes from good breeding; his features look so much more sharp and his eyes so much more stony, and I find myself so glad that he isn't like his family at all. I crumble in his gaze and look away, opening my mouth and searching for the right words to phrase what I want. It's been so long since I thought about what I want that it takes a moment of thought.
"Yes... I always wanted kids. A family." I say finally, vaguely aware of Sirius' fingers idly touching my collar.
"See? That wasn't so hard." Sirius teases and leans forward, nuzzling my cheek affectionately.
"I guess that wouldn't be so bad... With you. A family, I mean." I almost can't believe the words that are tumbling out of my mouth, words I never thought I would have the privilege to say, ideas I never thought I would have the opportunity to implement. But then, that was Sirius, implementer of the unimplementable, privileger of the unprivilegable. I was pretty sure those weren't actual words, but they were nonetheless true.
"I guess it wouldn't be so bad." he mimics and leans back far enough so that I can see his grin, and I smile carefully, slowly.
"We'd have to wait a while, of course, the--"
"The war." Sirius nods, like it's an obstacle, not a victory, "We all can't be James 'Irresponsibility' Potter." I laugh at that, because it's not strictly true, James has become remarkably responsible in the last few years, and I'm almost completely positive that the blame falls on one Lily Potter. Of course, they were both reluctant about bringing a child into a world with so much violence, but now I understand why they did it. A baby, a new life, is an incredibly beautiful thing. And I won't say it, but thinking about having that much joy and sharing it with Sirius... Well, it makes my heart soar.
"Moony," he says, pulling me from my thoughts, and I realize his arms are around my waist again and his mouth is breathing warm air onto my ear and neck. I shiver.
"Yeah?" I ask, already slightly breathless because even though I can't see his eyes, I know that feral twinkle is there and I know I'm abut to be ravaged. Oh sweet Merlin, I can't believe I just thought about Sirius and ravaging, and I really need to stop thinking right now.
"Moony, I think we should try now." he says, dragging his lips down my neck and twisting his fingers into my shirt. He starts to walk backwards and tugs me with him, I think he might be vaguely moving towards the bedroom but I get the feeling that we won't make it that far.
"Try... what?" I ask, my mind finally catching up with me and I put my hands in his as he leads me out of the kitchen. The glint in his eye is mischievous and definitely feral and I feel a secret little thrill at that, because it's just for me.
"For a baby, of course." he says and before I can react he pulls me back into his arms and kisses me, it's possessive and wanton but it's also kind of comfortable and sweet, it's a strange mixture but it makes my stomach twist in surprised pleasure. My arms go up around his shoulders automatically and I kiss back before his words process. I pull away to register my objection, but he just takes it as an excuse to move his mouth down my jaw and his hands come around to my front, expertly undoing buttons without even looking. He's amazing.
"Sirius-- I don't think--" the witty retort is right on the tip of my tongue but he steals it away, moving his lips back up to mine and capturing me in a dizzying kiss. It's completely unfair, how easily I'm undone by him. His fingers finish with my shirt and push it aside, then his fingertips trail back up over my abdomen and I shiver again. Then he moves his mouth back up to mine and kisses me again and plants his palms on my chest, walking me backwards a few more steps. I can remember wanting to say something, and it's still itching to come out but when I open my mouth he pushes. It's a very good thing that I decided to stop listening to the sounds I'm making, because I squawk when he pushes me over the arm of the sofa. I flail in a moment of extreme panic before I hit the couch with a bounce and immediately start to scramble backwards. He's advancing, the hungry look in his eye is thrilling and intimidating, and I can't keep the exhilarated smile from my face.
"Sirius, really." I say, scrambling back until my back hits the other arm, "I'm not in a situation at this point where I could be comfortable--" I cut off the end of my with a surprised 'ah!' because he's just tugged off his t-shirt and tossed it aside, and he grabs one of my legs and tugs it open, "--comfortable bringing another child into this--ah!--world!" He's kneeling between my legs now, grinning at me and that grin is downright hot, I'm embarrassed to notice. His hands run up my now-spread shins and his gaze moves down from my face, and I watch him watch my chest, my navel, my crotch, my thighs. I still get the vague urge to cover myself, because of the scars, but Sirius has proven on many occasions how fond he is of them so I shrug it off.
"Sirius." I say in warning, but it's more playful than intimidating, "Sirius." I repeat, trying to make my tone more, well, serious, but I know he isn't really listening, "Sir-Sirius!" the last time I say his name it turns into a half-laughing yell, because he grabs me by the calves and drags me under him. I laugh into another kiss as he helps me struggle out of my shirt, or hinders would probably be a better word because he keeps touching me everywhere and that makes it so hard to concentrate. I finally get out of my shirt and Sirius grabs it, twirling it around his head twice and cackling before throwing it away. I throw my head back and laugh, because he is so incredible and sexy and funny and I can't believe I never realized sex could this much fun. The laugh stops abruptly in a half-choke half-hiccup because his mouth is sucking my neck again and his thumbs are at the waistband of my trousers.
"Remus," he says, no, he fucking purrs it and it's so fucking sexy I can't believe it.
"Yeah?" I breath, and it's shaky as hell because he always knows exactly how to stir me up. My button comes undone with a pop that I can feel, and then I can feel Sirius' fingers, guiding down the zipper and grazing what's underneath, and I hiccup again.
"I am so going to impregnate you." he says, shooting me a determined, ridiculous look and tugging my pants down all at once. Another laugh bubbles up in my throat and I close my eyes and let this one out as he ducks his head and kisses a line down my stomach. That is a ridiculous statement, and it really shouldn't be as sexy as it is, but that's Sirius, and I love Sirius.
Some more wrestling and laughing and a little cursing helps my trousers and underwear off, and now I'm naked and he's not, I'm naked and he's hovering over me. A laugh is dying in my throat and his gaze is on my cock but then it moves up, slowly, until he's looking straight at me, and that look is intense and hot and amused and wild and everything I love about him. I can't control myself and I wrap both hands around his neck, tugging him in for a kiss. He grunts in surprise and pitches forward, and my thighs cradle his hips and the rough fabric of his jeans rubs against my prick and I moan into his mouth. He answers with a moan of his own, rocking his hips against mine and obviously enjoying the friction as much as I am. But the fabric chafes and I realize it would be much better if he just wasn't wearing pants so one of my hands snakes down between us to struggle at his button. After a moment he realizes what I'm trying to do and abandons my mouth to sit back and wrestle his own pants open. I make a little disappointed sound, and am once again glad that I'm not listening to myself, because that noise was ridiculous and desperate-sounding. He growls and wrenches his jeans open and I laugh a little because at times like this he really does sound like a dog. The laugh makes him look up and his eyes darken and he abandons shoving his jeans down his thighs and collapses back over me, kissing me hard and aligning our pricks again and thrusting.
"Fuck, Moony." he mumbles against my lips and I answer with a moan, one of my hands moving up his back and tangling in his hair. His hips start to wriggle in a non-thrusting sort of motion and I'm distressed for a moment before I realize he's still struggling out of his clothes, and I want to help but he seems to have the wriggling thing down and, oh, it feels quite nice, too. Just before he kicks his jeans away he reaches back and tugs his wand from his pocket and puts it between his teeth. Then he leans back over me properly, hands planted on either side of my head, legs tangled, hips aligned, and thrusts a couple times, grunting, not moaning, like me. I whine and moan and probably sound like a whore, if only I knew what a whore sounds like, but he's so delicious that I can't help the sounds from coming out.
I look up at him, and he looks completely disheveled and sexy and a little ridiculous, with his hair hanging all around his face and his wand still clamped between his teeth. Ridiculous, but beautiful. After a handful of thrusts he pulls back, taking the wand out of his mouth so that he can kiss a trail down my neck and over my chest. He makes a stop at a nipple, and I writhe and moan appreciatively, before he starts back on his way down my body again. I know exactly where he's going, and I bite my lip and tilt my head back because I can't think about his head close to my cock, anywhere near it, I can't even consider coming yet. He's got his wand in his hand, and I know he's going to prepare me so he can fuck me (impregnate me) but he can't resist the temptation of a hard prick in front of his face (and I wonder, vaguely, if that makes him the whore) and gives it a good lick and then a good suck. I moan again and thread one hand through my own hair so I have something to grab onto, the other one twisting into the cushion next to my head.
As his mouth continues to undo me his fingers and his wand move lower and find my entrance. Some days I know he likes to do it himself, likes to draw it out and make me writhe, but today, right now, he just wants in and I completely understand that. So I feel the tip of his wand and he pulls his mouth away with a pop to mutter the incantation. I shudder at the now-familiar-but-still-strange stretching sensation, but it doesn't hurt, and oh, the joys of magic. He tosses his wand aside and the paranoid part of me wishes he hadn't, but then he's drawing himself up over me again, planting his hands on either side of my head again, and I tug my knees up to give him better access.
"Remus." he groans as he kisses at my jaw, guiding himself towards me, looking for the spot (I gasp softly) and then thrusting in. The best part of that spell in the numbing, so it doesn't hurt, and my surprised moan is in genuine pleasure. He grunts in response and slides into me, closing his eyes and breathing a few hitching breaths for a still moment. And then he starts to move. Sex with Sirius has always been, always will be mind-blowing, but somehow every time feels just like the first; just as new, just as exhilarating, just as perfect. He starts to thrust and I turn my head into my palm in a vain attempt to muffle the sounds that are coming out of me. I don't want to say I'm making them because I'm not, Sirius is making them with his unrelenting hips and his hairs tickling my chin and neck. My back arches as we start to get into a rhythm, he's moving fast and hard and it's amazing. The couch starts to creak in protest, each creak lining up with my cries and the quieter wet noises. He kisses hard enough to bruise and his rhythm turns merciless, and I'm so, so glad that I'm to one who's here, so glad that I'm the one beneath him, making him lose control, letting him lose control because I know I can take it. Suddenly my head bonks against the arm of the couch and I move my hands up to push myself away from it, which ends in a surprised moan because suddenly I have the leverage to push back at every thrust and everything gets a little bit harder.
"Rem, Rem, Rem." I realize Sirius is panting my name with his face pressed into my cheek and neck, I can feel his ragged huffs of breath that are still warm as they prickle over the sheen of sweat that's forming.
"Si-- Siri-- Padfoot!" I exclaim because his name has far too many vowels squashed together to be yelling in the throes of passion. I'm glad he hears the note of panic in my voice and reaches down, wraps his hand around my cock and starts to pump. I cry out, knuckles turning white against the couch and toes curling, and I know I'm close.
"Moony, oh fuck Moony, love you so much, I'm gonna- gonna come." he babbles, and I feel his rhythm start to run off, his hips hesitating and driving deeper, trying to find that just enough more.
"I know, I know, Pads, oh--!" I end up losing it before he does, back arching and stars dancing in front of my vision while he strokes, keeps stroking, keeps thrusting until I'm done. I can see again just in time to see his face when he comes, eyes squeezed shut and mouth half-open, letting out a heartfelt groan as he empties himself inside me. A silent, shaking moment passes and then he pitches forward, landing heavily on me and I relax my arms, realizing how tense they were. We stay like that for a minute or so, until Sirius can move again, and even then he just kind of slides off to the side, still half-curling around me. He kisses my shoulder lazily and hums appreciatively, and I answer it with my own that has a laugh somewhere behind it.
I realize how incredibly tired I am and decide this is a fine place for a nap, and the last thought that pops into my head is that I really wouldn't mind so terribly, wouldn't mind at all in fact, having a family with Sirius.
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing(s)/Character(s): Sirius/Remus; James/Lily, Harry
Rating: NC-17 (couch sex!)
Summary: A baby is born, Sirius grows up (a little), an Important Conversation is had, and Remus thinks too much.
Word Count: 5339
Disclaimer: these characters are not mine, nor do I claim them as such.
Author's Notes: I actually wrote this about six months ago, and then promptly forgot about it. I think it's a bit fluffy for post-Hogwarts R/S, but what're you gonna do. Also, title is from Strange and Beautiful by Aqualung, great song.
Today is a good day. Today, I can say that without even a slight doubt. It's the middle of the summer and it's sweltering, everyone in the room is at least a little bit sweaty, and at most looking like they've just come in from a bad storm (Lily, followed closely by James). I dislike an overabundance of heat, as a rule, and there's nothing like a too-sunny, too-hot summer day to put me in a grouchy mood, but today, I honestly don't mind. St. Mungo's is bustling, like it always is, but today the hospital doesn't hold the threat of insensitive healers or yearly check-ups or injured friends; today it honestly only provides joy. The joy I can see written so plainly all over James' face; joy, awe, surprise, bewilderment and a little bit of hysterical giddiness (which all mean the same thing, interjects the little voice in my head that sounds suspiciously like Sirius, and sometimes like my mother). Today, nothing in the world could make James less happy. I feel a swell of some kind of pride myself at that, reveling in how much James has changed (for the better), how happy I am that he has found such happiness. Lily's expression is much the same, except with an added dash of bone-shattering exhaustion. Her red hair is damp and a bit stringy, hanging over her face like that, and her cheeks have a delightful flush to them, and despite the sweat and the unflattering hospital gown, she looks just as lovely as she always has. James and Lily are both staring, transfixed, at the small bundle in Lily's arms. We're all staring, we're all transfixed by the new life that wasn't out in the world yesterday. It's a baby boy, and despite the fact he was born this morning he's already got a collection of distinctly dark and unruly (I'm not quite positive how ten-ish peach fuzz hairs can be unruly) hairs atop his head.
"Harry." James says for what has to be the fifteenth time, eyes sparkling with joy and voice that same delirious, slightly irritating tone that he's had all morning.
"He's beautiful." Sirius says, all in one huff of a breath, almost a whisper, like it's a big secret. I glance over at him and can't help the smile that tugs on my lips at his expression. It's almost like James', except with more bewilderment and comically large eyes. He feels me looking at him and drags his eyes away from Harry to glance back at me. His eyes twinkle.
"Not as beautiful as you, of course, Moony." he adds, and I can feel my ears go distinctly pink, and that's just ridiculous because I'm far too grown-up for going pink around the ears at a compliment. I mumble a half-coherent comeback that, I'm sure, would knock that silly grin off Sirius' face, if only I could think properly. He turns his attention back to Harry and that bewildered expression comes back.
"Harry." James repeats, completely ignoring Sirius' inane flirtations, "He's going to be amazing. Best wizard ever. I can feel it." Harry makes a small noise and shifts, as if he approves of his fate to be The Best Wizard Ever.
"He is quite wonderful," I add, after I've had a moment to collect the shattered pieces of my dignity off the floor.
"Yeah." Sirius breaths in agreement, a pleased, absentminded smile tugging at his lips that I can't recall seeing there before.
"Okay! Party's over!" says the kindly old witch serving as Lily's nurse, "Mummy and baby need their rest!" she says in that supposed-to-be-adorable tone that every woman adopts when talking to (or about) a baby. The tone grates on my eardrums and I'm more than pleased to lead the procession away from it. Sirius reaches over and strokes a thumb over little Harry's tiny cheek and James plants a kiss on top of his wife's head, then one on top of his son's. He whispers something to Lily and she smiles and I grab Sirius' arm, tugging him gently away. He goes willingly, but not without a few longing backwards glances. We start down the hall and my fingers slide down his arm on my way to releasing him, but he raises his hand and catches my fingers. Sirius is affectionate, sure, almost to the point of indecency, but hand-holding is not something he does often. It's probably got something to do with the fact that he often mistakes his hands for paws and forgets he has thumbs. And we haven't specifically stated that the general public can't know, but it's second nature for me to hide controversial details about myself. Hand-holding is just not something we've done a lot of. I suppose that's why my heart beats out of my chest so when he casually twines our fingers together, and I suppose that's why I feel so full of love for him in that moment.
We walk into the waiting room and pause, glancing around and then back at James, who stops just in front of us and gives us each a huge grin.
"Congratulations, James." I say sincerely and he just goes on grinning, and for once it's me, not Sirius, who reads James' mind and sees the this is what I've been waiting for behind his smile. Sirius starts to slap James good-naturedly on the back but then loses his nerve and ends up pulling James into a hug, and James winks at me over Sirius' shoulder. I roll my eyes and can't help but smirk.
"Make sure not to drop him, yeah?" Sirius says cheekily while pulling away from the hug, and they share A Look. It seems like a private kind of best-friends-forever look so I glance away and smile at a nurse at a desk.
"You two should go home and get some rest." James says after a beat and I look back over, my smile widening.
"But--!" Sirius starts, and I cut him off.
"I think that's a wonderful idea," I say, giving Sirius A Look of my own that silences him (but not completely, because he still pouts), "Will you be all right here?" I ask, and then James' grin is blinding me again.
"More than." James says easily, "Go on, get out of here. Go sleep or... whatever it is you do in the privacy of your own home." He's teasing me, I know it, but I don't bother scolding him because Sirius gives me this impish grin and a nod. James trails over to the nurse's station and Sirius nudges me towards the line of fireplaces on the other side of the room. He's still holding my hand when we step up to one and only releases it after I tug my arm away and step into the Floo. I brush the dust off my robes when I step through, making my way briskly to the kitchen and not pausing when I hear the roar of the fire behind me. The clock over the stove says that it's four o'clock, which means that we've been at the hospital for nearly thirteen hours, which is ridiculous. I take two cups down from the cupboard and magic them full of tea, adding lots of sugar and cream to one and a dash of sugar to the other.
"When was it that you memorized how I like my tea?" Sirius asks from behind while he slips his arms around my waist and rests his chin on my shoulder. I don't flinch, because I knew he was there. He knows better than to try to sneak up on a werewolf, but I think he just does it because he likes to.
"Third year." I say, without missing a beat, "When Lucius Malfoy turned your hands into feather dusters because you dyed his hair pink. Madame Pomfrey couldn't figure out how to fix it for a week. You made me make your tea." Sirius grunts in my ear, which is probably a reaction to the L-M-word(s) that we're not supposed to ever mention.
"Even then you did whatever I told you to." Sirius teases, nibbling my earlobe and I do my best not to blush.
"Well there's no accounting for taste." I mutter into my teacup, taking a long sip so I don't have to focus on Sirius' lips in he vicinity of my ears. He moves his mouth away from my skin and puts his chin back on my shoulder, huffing out a breath that ruffles my hair.
"Harry," he starts, shifting his arms around my waist and curling his fingers between the buttons of my shirt, "is kind of amazing. Don't you think?" He asks the question in a far-away kind of voice that's tinted with awe and I can tell the birth of his godson has really affected Sirius. I hmm in agreement, taking another sip of tea.
"It's like," he pauses, and I can feel his jaw working against my shoulder as he tries to find the words, "Life. Little, tiny, beautiful life, and it wasn't there yesterday but it's here today and-- and you just know the world is better for it." I turn my head slightly, trying to catch his eye so he can see my raised-eyebrows expression at his ramblings, but he's staring ahead, thinking intently.
"It kind of makes you want to be a better person, y'know?" he finally looks over at me and flushes a little, his grin is impish and endearing. I blink at him in shock, letting my mouth fall open in an over-dramatic gasp. I make a show of putting down my cup, letting it clink against the counter like I never do.
"Sirius--" I say, voice urgent as I turn around in his grasp to face him. I grab his face and search it, as if I'm inspecting for damage. His expression is slightly bemused, mostly surprised, and he has no idea what I'm getting at.
"That was-- I think... Sirius, don't be alarmed, but I think... I think you just grew up a little." my expression is grim for a few moments while he processes my words and it's spectacularly difficult to keep a straight face, but his expression is worth it. He goes from honest shock to alarm to amusement all in a matter of seconds. He lets out a laugh and it's honest and loud and beautiful and I let the grin break over my face. He throws his arms around me and tugs me into a tight embrace, burying his head in my neck and laughing there. I put my arms up around his shoulders and chuckle slightly, feeling a swell of love for this man who's twenty and only just growing up, and I can't say I would want him any other way.
"You know," Sirius says finally after a few moments of laughter, "I think you're right." He pulls back a little to look at me and his eyes are sparkling with laughter and joy. I can't help the goofy smile that breaks over my face or the way my hand moves on its' own to trace a thumb over his cheekbone.
"Don't grow up too much, or you might start to become unrecognizable. You might even--Merlin forbid--cut your hair." Sirius looks affronted by this for a moment, then shakes his head, and shaggy black hairs are assaulting my face so I lean back and laugh.
"That's not possible. I look far too dashing with long hair. You would leave me in a moment if you saw how ridiculous I look with short hair." he nods like that's that and I nod too, because it's probably true that he looks ridiculous with short hair but I have the sneaking suspicion that I wouldn't leave him even if he dyed his hair puce and gave himself a mohawk. He takes me by surprise and ducks his head and catches my lips in a kiss so I make a very undignified surprised sound and he swallows it. The kiss turns hard fast and my back bumps into the counter and I arch away from it. One of his hands slips under my button-up and I make another sound, and by now it's just easier to pretend I can't hear myself and hold onto some shred of dignity. He slows the kiss just as soon as I start to pant, and I follow him when he pulls away even though I feel ridiculous doing so. It's true, I can never pull away from him, I can never say no to him. He huffs a breathless laugh against my lips and tugs away, and I have to make a conscious effort not to follow. He presses our foreheads together and smiles, and I do my best to get my brain working again.
"Doesn't it make you think?" he asks and I blink, because there are very few things that are making me think right now, "About kids... I mean, having your own? I never really thought I would have any... Never thought I could find a girl that would want to spend more than a week with me." He grins and there, he's making fun of me again, but for some reason I have to fight to keep the frown on my face. But then I realize he's talking about children and he put a reference to our relationship in the midst of talking about how maybe he might like kids someday. My heart and lungs simultaneously try to clamor out through my esophagus. He must see the alarm register on my face, because he backpedals a little.
"I mean, not that we... Well... I don't really want to see myself with anyone else." He says that, just says it, like it's nothing and it's out there and I can't breath.
"Moony? Moony, breath." he's smiling and he puts a hand on my shoulder and shakes it a little, and I do breath and I get that feeling where I know he's making fun of me again, but I can't care because I think he might have just proposed.
"Pads, I--" I start, but he cuts me off and rolls his eyes.
"Oh shut up, Moony, and stop acting so surprised." I blink in surprise, and then think about that a little, and then I realize that he's right and just because we haven't said it until now doesn't mean it wasn't true two minutes ago. It is true, it's true because Sirius is perfect, has always been perfect and will always be perfect, will always be everything I'll ever need in a friend and in a lover. And I don't have to bother about the werewolf thing, because that was solved years ago and Sirius knows exactly who I am, inside and out, waxing and waning, and he loves me anyways, Merlin help him. I glance away and think for a moment, and when I look back at him his eyebrows are raised and his eyes are wide in a remarkably canine bad-dog expression.
"I never thought... Well, I never thought it was probable that I would find anyone, let alone have children with them. And it's not... Lycanthropy isn't hereditary, but werewolves rarely have children because of the danger there. I mean, it's dangerous enough for an adult wizard to be around one," at this I give Sirius A Look, "but a child? I couldn't subject another human life to the torture that I've known." I'm talking from a book again, I know I am, and I know how much it pisses Sirius off but I can't help it, these are the facts and the facts are the only things that are reasonable.
"Remus." Sirius says in his Serious Voice, and drags my gaze up to his with that one word alone, "Forget about the journals and the textbooks and the studies, don't pay attention to all the references your brain is making and just tell me what you want." his mouth is a stern line and when he's like this it's easy to see he comes from good breeding; his features look so much more sharp and his eyes so much more stony, and I find myself so glad that he isn't like his family at all. I crumble in his gaze and look away, opening my mouth and searching for the right words to phrase what I want. It's been so long since I thought about what I want that it takes a moment of thought.
"Yes... I always wanted kids. A family." I say finally, vaguely aware of Sirius' fingers idly touching my collar.
"See? That wasn't so hard." Sirius teases and leans forward, nuzzling my cheek affectionately.
"I guess that wouldn't be so bad... With you. A family, I mean." I almost can't believe the words that are tumbling out of my mouth, words I never thought I would have the privilege to say, ideas I never thought I would have the opportunity to implement. But then, that was Sirius, implementer of the unimplementable, privileger of the unprivilegable. I was pretty sure those weren't actual words, but they were nonetheless true.
"I guess it wouldn't be so bad." he mimics and leans back far enough so that I can see his grin, and I smile carefully, slowly.
"We'd have to wait a while, of course, the--"
"The war." Sirius nods, like it's an obstacle, not a victory, "We all can't be James 'Irresponsibility' Potter." I laugh at that, because it's not strictly true, James has become remarkably responsible in the last few years, and I'm almost completely positive that the blame falls on one Lily Potter. Of course, they were both reluctant about bringing a child into a world with so much violence, but now I understand why they did it. A baby, a new life, is an incredibly beautiful thing. And I won't say it, but thinking about having that much joy and sharing it with Sirius... Well, it makes my heart soar.
"Moony," he says, pulling me from my thoughts, and I realize his arms are around my waist again and his mouth is breathing warm air onto my ear and neck. I shiver.
"Yeah?" I ask, already slightly breathless because even though I can't see his eyes, I know that feral twinkle is there and I know I'm abut to be ravaged. Oh sweet Merlin, I can't believe I just thought about Sirius and ravaging, and I really need to stop thinking right now.
"Moony, I think we should try now." he says, dragging his lips down my neck and twisting his fingers into my shirt. He starts to walk backwards and tugs me with him, I think he might be vaguely moving towards the bedroom but I get the feeling that we won't make it that far.
"Try... what?" I ask, my mind finally catching up with me and I put my hands in his as he leads me out of the kitchen. The glint in his eye is mischievous and definitely feral and I feel a secret little thrill at that, because it's just for me.
"For a baby, of course." he says and before I can react he pulls me back into his arms and kisses me, it's possessive and wanton but it's also kind of comfortable and sweet, it's a strange mixture but it makes my stomach twist in surprised pleasure. My arms go up around his shoulders automatically and I kiss back before his words process. I pull away to register my objection, but he just takes it as an excuse to move his mouth down my jaw and his hands come around to my front, expertly undoing buttons without even looking. He's amazing.
"Sirius-- I don't think--" the witty retort is right on the tip of my tongue but he steals it away, moving his lips back up to mine and capturing me in a dizzying kiss. It's completely unfair, how easily I'm undone by him. His fingers finish with my shirt and push it aside, then his fingertips trail back up over my abdomen and I shiver again. Then he moves his mouth back up to mine and kisses me again and plants his palms on my chest, walking me backwards a few more steps. I can remember wanting to say something, and it's still itching to come out but when I open my mouth he pushes. It's a very good thing that I decided to stop listening to the sounds I'm making, because I squawk when he pushes me over the arm of the sofa. I flail in a moment of extreme panic before I hit the couch with a bounce and immediately start to scramble backwards. He's advancing, the hungry look in his eye is thrilling and intimidating, and I can't keep the exhilarated smile from my face.
"Sirius, really." I say, scrambling back until my back hits the other arm, "I'm not in a situation at this point where I could be comfortable--" I cut off the end of my with a surprised 'ah!' because he's just tugged off his t-shirt and tossed it aside, and he grabs one of my legs and tugs it open, "--comfortable bringing another child into this--ah!--world!" He's kneeling between my legs now, grinning at me and that grin is downright hot, I'm embarrassed to notice. His hands run up my now-spread shins and his gaze moves down from my face, and I watch him watch my chest, my navel, my crotch, my thighs. I still get the vague urge to cover myself, because of the scars, but Sirius has proven on many occasions how fond he is of them so I shrug it off.
"Sirius." I say in warning, but it's more playful than intimidating, "Sirius." I repeat, trying to make my tone more, well, serious, but I know he isn't really listening, "Sir-Sirius!" the last time I say his name it turns into a half-laughing yell, because he grabs me by the calves and drags me under him. I laugh into another kiss as he helps me struggle out of my shirt, or hinders would probably be a better word because he keeps touching me everywhere and that makes it so hard to concentrate. I finally get out of my shirt and Sirius grabs it, twirling it around his head twice and cackling before throwing it away. I throw my head back and laugh, because he is so incredible and sexy and funny and I can't believe I never realized sex could this much fun. The laugh stops abruptly in a half-choke half-hiccup because his mouth is sucking my neck again and his thumbs are at the waistband of my trousers.
"Remus," he says, no, he fucking purrs it and it's so fucking sexy I can't believe it.
"Yeah?" I breath, and it's shaky as hell because he always knows exactly how to stir me up. My button comes undone with a pop that I can feel, and then I can feel Sirius' fingers, guiding down the zipper and grazing what's underneath, and I hiccup again.
"I am so going to impregnate you." he says, shooting me a determined, ridiculous look and tugging my pants down all at once. Another laugh bubbles up in my throat and I close my eyes and let this one out as he ducks his head and kisses a line down my stomach. That is a ridiculous statement, and it really shouldn't be as sexy as it is, but that's Sirius, and I love Sirius.
Some more wrestling and laughing and a little cursing helps my trousers and underwear off, and now I'm naked and he's not, I'm naked and he's hovering over me. A laugh is dying in my throat and his gaze is on my cock but then it moves up, slowly, until he's looking straight at me, and that look is intense and hot and amused and wild and everything I love about him. I can't control myself and I wrap both hands around his neck, tugging him in for a kiss. He grunts in surprise and pitches forward, and my thighs cradle his hips and the rough fabric of his jeans rubs against my prick and I moan into his mouth. He answers with a moan of his own, rocking his hips against mine and obviously enjoying the friction as much as I am. But the fabric chafes and I realize it would be much better if he just wasn't wearing pants so one of my hands snakes down between us to struggle at his button. After a moment he realizes what I'm trying to do and abandons my mouth to sit back and wrestle his own pants open. I make a little disappointed sound, and am once again glad that I'm not listening to myself, because that noise was ridiculous and desperate-sounding. He growls and wrenches his jeans open and I laugh a little because at times like this he really does sound like a dog. The laugh makes him look up and his eyes darken and he abandons shoving his jeans down his thighs and collapses back over me, kissing me hard and aligning our pricks again and thrusting.
"Fuck, Moony." he mumbles against my lips and I answer with a moan, one of my hands moving up his back and tangling in his hair. His hips start to wriggle in a non-thrusting sort of motion and I'm distressed for a moment before I realize he's still struggling out of his clothes, and I want to help but he seems to have the wriggling thing down and, oh, it feels quite nice, too. Just before he kicks his jeans away he reaches back and tugs his wand from his pocket and puts it between his teeth. Then he leans back over me properly, hands planted on either side of my head, legs tangled, hips aligned, and thrusts a couple times, grunting, not moaning, like me. I whine and moan and probably sound like a whore, if only I knew what a whore sounds like, but he's so delicious that I can't help the sounds from coming out.
I look up at him, and he looks completely disheveled and sexy and a little ridiculous, with his hair hanging all around his face and his wand still clamped between his teeth. Ridiculous, but beautiful. After a handful of thrusts he pulls back, taking the wand out of his mouth so that he can kiss a trail down my neck and over my chest. He makes a stop at a nipple, and I writhe and moan appreciatively, before he starts back on his way down my body again. I know exactly where he's going, and I bite my lip and tilt my head back because I can't think about his head close to my cock, anywhere near it, I can't even consider coming yet. He's got his wand in his hand, and I know he's going to prepare me so he can fuck me (impregnate me) but he can't resist the temptation of a hard prick in front of his face (and I wonder, vaguely, if that makes him the whore) and gives it a good lick and then a good suck. I moan again and thread one hand through my own hair so I have something to grab onto, the other one twisting into the cushion next to my head.
As his mouth continues to undo me his fingers and his wand move lower and find my entrance. Some days I know he likes to do it himself, likes to draw it out and make me writhe, but today, right now, he just wants in and I completely understand that. So I feel the tip of his wand and he pulls his mouth away with a pop to mutter the incantation. I shudder at the now-familiar-but-still-strange stretching sensation, but it doesn't hurt, and oh, the joys of magic. He tosses his wand aside and the paranoid part of me wishes he hadn't, but then he's drawing himself up over me again, planting his hands on either side of my head again, and I tug my knees up to give him better access.
"Remus." he groans as he kisses at my jaw, guiding himself towards me, looking for the spot (I gasp softly) and then thrusting in. The best part of that spell in the numbing, so it doesn't hurt, and my surprised moan is in genuine pleasure. He grunts in response and slides into me, closing his eyes and breathing a few hitching breaths for a still moment. And then he starts to move. Sex with Sirius has always been, always will be mind-blowing, but somehow every time feels just like the first; just as new, just as exhilarating, just as perfect. He starts to thrust and I turn my head into my palm in a vain attempt to muffle the sounds that are coming out of me. I don't want to say I'm making them because I'm not, Sirius is making them with his unrelenting hips and his hairs tickling my chin and neck. My back arches as we start to get into a rhythm, he's moving fast and hard and it's amazing. The couch starts to creak in protest, each creak lining up with my cries and the quieter wet noises. He kisses hard enough to bruise and his rhythm turns merciless, and I'm so, so glad that I'm to one who's here, so glad that I'm the one beneath him, making him lose control, letting him lose control because I know I can take it. Suddenly my head bonks against the arm of the couch and I move my hands up to push myself away from it, which ends in a surprised moan because suddenly I have the leverage to push back at every thrust and everything gets a little bit harder.
"Rem, Rem, Rem." I realize Sirius is panting my name with his face pressed into my cheek and neck, I can feel his ragged huffs of breath that are still warm as they prickle over the sheen of sweat that's forming.
"Si-- Siri-- Padfoot!" I exclaim because his name has far too many vowels squashed together to be yelling in the throes of passion. I'm glad he hears the note of panic in my voice and reaches down, wraps his hand around my cock and starts to pump. I cry out, knuckles turning white against the couch and toes curling, and I know I'm close.
"Moony, oh fuck Moony, love you so much, I'm gonna- gonna come." he babbles, and I feel his rhythm start to run off, his hips hesitating and driving deeper, trying to find that just enough more.
"I know, I know, Pads, oh--!" I end up losing it before he does, back arching and stars dancing in front of my vision while he strokes, keeps stroking, keeps thrusting until I'm done. I can see again just in time to see his face when he comes, eyes squeezed shut and mouth half-open, letting out a heartfelt groan as he empties himself inside me. A silent, shaking moment passes and then he pitches forward, landing heavily on me and I relax my arms, realizing how tense they were. We stay like that for a minute or so, until Sirius can move again, and even then he just kind of slides off to the side, still half-curling around me. He kisses my shoulder lazily and hums appreciatively, and I answer it with my own that has a laugh somewhere behind it.
I realize how incredibly tired I am and decide this is a fine place for a nap, and the last thought that pops into my head is that I really wouldn't mind so terribly, wouldn't mind at all in fact, having a family with Sirius.