[Fic] is it us (or is it just me?) (3/3)

[idkitsaly]

part 1 | part 2

Weeks have passed since the official breakup between Chanyeol and Baekhyun. Things have returned to normal, but at the same time, they haven’t. No one is sure how many weeks have passed since then, perhaps it is maybe even months at this point, but things have been going back into place.

Chanyeol and Sehun are now seen together, Baekhyun seemingly replaced by him. Though, he doesn’t pay mind to it. Jongin and Baekhyun are now 'together' once again, and along with Joonmyun and Jongdae.

It's funny how all of Jongin and Baekhyun's friends are now in relationships with each other, when they are all polar opposites. Joonmyun is too kind and well-mannered unlike Jongdae, who laughs at any joke on instinct regardless of harmful intent or not; Sehun is an emotionless prankster while Chanyeol is an overreacting ape; Jongin is quiet and reserved, but Baekhyun is - was - all smiles and laughs.

Baekhyun avoided eye contact with Chanyeol when their gazes met with each other from before, but now, he’s slowly talking to him once again due to Jongin and Sehun. Even if the two have broken up, Jongin and Sehun remain as best friends. Though what Sehun did was unexpected, Jongin wanted to keep at least one good social link. Sehun told Jongin everything of what he could remember the night before the event, the same goes for him as well.

”The both of you were drunk, weren’t you?” Jongin nudges his friend, smiling. Sehun shakes his head, blushing.

“It was Chanyeol hyung who was drunk, actually.”

“Then how did you two end up making out on the couch for, dear god, how many hours.”

“Well, I think you saw the police outside, right?” Jongin nodded, recalling the flashing lights of blue, red, and white outside during that night. “It was after the police called him, I offered to take him back upstairs. Thing is, when we were right outside of the door, he trapped me in his arms.” Jongin stifled his laughter, trying his best to take the story seriously.

“He said… some things. I don’t know if I want to tell you that, being honest.” Sehun chuckled. “But then after that I dragged him in, but we fell onto the couch as cliché as it sounds. He said something to me before he kissed me, and I accidentally said I loved him during it. I know it wasn’t right and all, but I just…” Sehun sighed, too exhausted to even continue the story. The two were outside, sitting on the edge of the fountain in the middle of campus. It was around three in the afternoon, right after classes ended for the two.

"Hey," Jongin said, looking up at the sky. "by any chance, did you drop by at the dance room on that night?"

Sehun blinked, swallowing his nervousness down. Jongin could tell that he was thinking of a lie even without having to look, but knew the answer.

“Enough about me." Sehun evaded, Smart boy, Jongin thinks. "What were you doing that night with Baekhyun hyung? You know I was so fucking worried for you that night! You just left me all alone the entire evening...” Jongin mockingly gags as his friend pouted, emphasizing how much he missed him. Not.

“Sounds like it.” He smirks. “But I was at the pet store where Jjangah is, remember her?” Sehun nods. “I don’t remember how late it was, but I saw Baekhyun with her. She seemed to like Baekhyun, and I heard what he said about me while he was talking to her and I thought, ‘hey, Baekhyun should adopt her then. Give her a home,’ you know?” Sehun nodded.

“We didn’t say much at the store, but then we went to the practice room when we saw the lights. Man, we both yelled at each other. I didn’t even mean for it, but it just happened because we were both angry.” Jongin chuckles to himself quietly, the memory replaying in his head. “But he said one thing that made me want to forget.”

“What did he ask?”

Jongin frowned.

“He asked for me to stay.”

Though it’s still awkward for Baekhyun and Chanyeol to be within the same vicinity of each other, they were getting used to each other, albeit slowly. The thing that bothers Baekhyun the most since the two broke up is the PDA that Sehun and Chanyeol show off. Their affection showed no shame at all whenever the two were outside in public. In fact, it seemed to increase even outside of their room (Sehun and Jongin’s room, more like Sehun and Chanyeol's room). It makes Baekhyun feel a little sad, or useless even. Judging from how much they shower each other with affection, it’s like the breakup didn’t faze anyone at all except for him.

Jongin watches - observes - Baekhyun every day they spend together. He can’t take his eyes of the smaller boy. Every time Chanyeol or Sehun are around, or together for that matter, he can see how sad his eyes get. It hurts Jongin to see Baekhyun like this. Somewhere in his mind, he thought the old Baekhyun would return. His smiles, his laughs, the way his eyes crinkle when he does either. The melodic voice of his whenever he rambles on about a random subject, or when he sings on occasion. Jongin misses it. He misses him. Jongin misses the old Baekhyun, even if his feelings for him are no longer the same.

No matter what Sehun thinks, he knows something has changed drastically. He can’t quite put his finger on it, but he can feel how things are slowly starting to drift away from each other. He and Jongin are still close with each other, but it isn’t the case for Baekhyun. The older hasn’t been talking much as he used to back then. That’s one of the reasons why he hated him so much, but he never really did hate him at all.

Sehun would always watch on the sidelines on how Baekhyun and Chanyeol’s relationship blossom each passing day with Jongin. He recalls the first day they met. Jongin was being mocked by Chanyeol and his dark skin, and it pissed him off to no end. Probably the both of them, but Jongin didn’t show. He then heard the smaller male speak, his voice sounding annoying to Sehun’s ears. But when the tallest of the four spoke up apologetically, his heart skipped a beat. Chanyeol listened to Baekhyun like a pup scolded by his owner, and it was beyond adorable. The deep, husky voice of Chanyeol along with the tall stature of his attracted Sehun like an alpha to an omega in heat.

Chanyeol was - still is - loud, obnoxious, and clumsy. Sehun is quiet, reserved, and sharp. The same would go for both Baekhyun and Jongin as well. Both Baekhyun and Chanyeol were loud when together, and Sehun and Jongin are quiet when apart, though the two can be a handful when together. It’s a strange thing, Sehun notices. How come the loud and obnoxious duo can’t handle being together anymore, while the quiet and reserved can?

-

Throughout these weeks, Jongin has been keeping a log. Hidden underneath his pillow or in the nightstand drawer, he writes down the thoughts of the previous night, the morning, or whatever. At the end of the week, he always writes a summary of what changed or what didn’t. It can account for his so-called experiment ever since he and Baekhyun were together again. Two months have passed since he’s started, and the day he’s been dreading is quickly approaching.

It’s Sunday, and Jongin leaves tomorrow morning. He hasn’t packed all his things yet, not wanting to attract Baekhyun’s attention. Jongin’s sure that everyone knows about his leave, minus Chanyeol and Baekhyun. Well… Scratch off Chanyeol. Sehun might have told him sooner or later. His best friend isn’t that great with keeping secrets from him because of the incessant pleas of annoyance coming from his boyfriend. It’s still strange for Jongin to use ‘boyfriend’ for Sehun. He’s happy that Sehun finally got what he wanted, even if someone is suffering. But it’s not his problem, is it? With the Jongin three months ago, it probably would have, but now is different.

It was around six in the evening that Baekhyun barged into his room, Jongin reading over his psychology textbook (it’s not like he was actually paying attention; wouldn’t matter anyways). Jongin, slightly startled by this sudden action, jumped out of his seat and took a cautious stance. He relaxed when he saw Baekhyun, but grew tense when the older started to approach him.

There was something in Baekhyun’s eyes that scared him, but it also excited him.

Jongin did something that he will surely regret tomorrow morning.

Three hours later after Baekhyun barged into the room unannounced, the two were now lying in bed naked, the darkness of the night lulling the two into slumber. It was quiet, minus the soft breathing coming from Baekhyun. Jongin listens to the silence of the night, thinking of what happened three hours before.

Baekhyun barged in, yes, but he seemed… off. He was panting heavily, sweat on his forehead, as if he ran. But something about him made it feel like he was desperate or needy for something. Soon enough, Jongin was correct when Baekhyun whispered, I need you, to him before he brought him down for a kiss. That was when all self-resistance turned off in Jongin’s mind.

Jongin doesn’t know why Baekhyun suddenly wanted him like that. It confuses him to no end as he thinks about Baekhyun. He turns his head to look at the digital alarm clock on the nightstand. 9:34PM it reads. Jongin still needs to pack. He’s going to come at around five am in the morning. It’s a Monday tomorrow, and classes don’t start until eight or nine. It's not like he'll be attending them here, anyways.

Quietly, Jongin gets out of bed, making sure that Baekhyun doesn’t notice. Thankfully, the boy is a deep sleeper and can sleep through almost anything. Jongin assumes he’s picked it up from Chanyeol, even before they were in a relationship.

It saddens Jongin to think that both Baekhyun and Chanyeol used to be best friends, much like he is with Sehun, but it all fell apart once they tried out ‘being in a relationship’ thing. He can’t help but feel a little bit at fault for it. He was the target of the dare so many months ago, and if it wasn’t for him, maybe - just maybe - Baekhyun and Chanyeol could have still been together. From what Baekhyun told him, it all started to deteriorate when he was with him. He assumes that Baekhyun couldn’t keep two relationships in tow, resulting in his first breakdown with Jongin.

Jongin sighs, quietly lifting himself off the bed and searching through the dark for his pair of boxers. Deciding that it’s not worth his time to search for them in the dark naked, he grabs his phone next to the digital clock and turns the screen on, facing away from Baekhyun so he can sleep peacefully, of course. Jongin finds the wardrobe which contain his clothes and opens the middle drawer, picking up a pair and putting them on. Then, he opens the top, leaving the middle one open. He’s going to pack all of them away, so might as well. He decides on a black graphic tee along with black skinny jeans. How funny, he’s wearing all black, which just happens to be his favorite color.

Ever so quietly, Jongin opens the bedroom door, stepping out into the hallway. He can see light coming from Jongdae’s room, the door slightly open. Jongin closes the door to Baekhyun’s room, not wanting to disturb the older. He walks into the hallway and sees Sehun on the couch, watching some movie on the television. He doesn’t turn his head to look at Jongin, instead keeping his eyes straight at the television.

Jongin just stands there, watching his best friend pay no mind to him. He can see a suitcase and his own bag on the side of the couch. Sehun must have brought them in.

“Are you really going to do this, Jongin?” Sehun’s voice echoed in the room, drowning out the small volume of the television.

Yes, Jongin tries to say, but instead asks, “Where’s Chanyeol?”

“Back in the room.”

“Does he know?”

“I can’t answer for him.”

Silence soon came over the two, the volume of the television now muted. Jongin hopes Sehun doesn’t continue on regarding the move. It’s what he thinks is best for both Baekhyun and himself. He’s doing this so he won’t hurt Baekhyun, not anymore. Jongin is trying to move on, but with Baekhyun, he’s being dragged into the past. Baekhyun is still living in the past, unfortunately. Baekhyun’s grown quiet and secluded himself from others. The current Baekhyun isn’t the same from when he was together with him, and it hurts him deep inside. The old Baekhyun has fallen in too deep to even be saved at this point.

“You still didn’t answer my question.”

Shit.

Jongin sighed, not bothering to try and change the subject once again.

“Yes.”

A pause. Jongin continued to stare awkwardly at his best friend, while Sehun sat motionless on the couch. It was nerve wracking, honestly. Jongin’s never felt this tense around his best friend. Something seems to have changed, but he can’t put his finger on it.
Finally, Sehun broke the silence.

“What time is he coming?”

“Five.”

He saw Sehun nod ever so slightly. “You should pack your things right now.” Sehun turned his head to look at Jongin. There was a lack of emotion on his face, but he was grinning. Not a smug grin, nor a shit-eating grin. It was just one of those casual, although sad, grins. “Promise me you’ll catch some rest later, yeah?” Jongin nodded, agreeing to a promise in which he can’t keep.

It was strange seeing Sehun in Baekhyun and Jongdae’s shared dorm. He hasn’t been with his best friend for a while ever since he and Chanyeol got together. Most of the time, Sehun says that he’s busy doing ‘things’ with Chanyeol, to which Jongin doesn’t press on further.

In all honesty, it’s strange to think that his best friend is actually in a relationship. It ended so well for him because he liked Park Chanyeol ever since Jongin’s liked Baekhyun. The two best friends loved the couple that talked to them, and Jongin just finds it plain weird. But it worked out for a while, until things started to go downhill.

Jongin shakes the thoughts from his head and goes back to Baekhyun’s room, relief flooding over him when he finds the older boy still sleeping. Now, his body was sprawled all over the bed, like Jongin wasn’t even there. He chuckles quietly to himself, thinking of Baekhyun living his life with Jongin involved, and picks up his clothes from the drawers he left open earlier.

Jongin’s suitcase is now filled with all of his clothes, and he’s sitting on the couch next to Sehun. The two don’t speak; there’s nothing to say at all. All the things Jongin wants to ask his best friend are probably sensitive topics regarding, well, everyone. It doesn’t feel the same as it did two months before now.

A question pops up in his head, and he says it without thinking twice. “Why are you here, anyways?” Sehun smirks, which is what Jongin considers a laugh. There surely must be a purpose to why he’s here.

“I can’t say goodbye to my best friend?” He sticks out his bottom lip. Jongin hits him on his arm. “Alright, alright.” He puts his hands up in mock defeat. “Really, I just want to say goodbye to you. If I stayed with Yeol, he wouldn’t let me out of his grip in bed.”

Jongin nods his head, understanding the situation. He can be just like that. Jongin recalls a time when Baekhyun told him that he woke up because he couldn’t breathe; Jongin was holding onto him tightly that it suffocated him. Jongin laughs at the memory.

That's all it is now, a memory. Everything that had happened between the two are of the past, and the past does not change at all. People change, feelings change, but it seems to be a different case for Baekhyun. He's stuck in the past, stuck on past feelings with Jongin, while he has moved onto other matters.

His eyes are set down onto the floor, the carpet on top of the wooden floor seemingly more interesting than the television itself. He doesn’t know how long he’s been packing his things, but he’s seriously hungry. He can just feel his stomach growling right now.

Oh, it did.

“Someone’s hungry.” Sehun comments, nudging Jongin with his elbow. Jongin doesn’t say anything, but looks at Sehun with eyes of a pup (which reminds him that he should play with Jjangah before he leaves), silently asking for food.

Sehun stands up, giving up once again to his friend. “Alright. I’ll see what I can find in the fridge.” Jongin mouths God bless you Oh Sehun towards him, who simply shakes his head in response. While Sehun makes his way towards the kitchen, Jongin decides to find Jjangah and play with her. Might as well since he won’t be seeing her anymore.

Jongin lifts himself up from the couch, body stiff from sitting for quite a while. Jongin stretches his neck and arms, loosening the muscles. He searches for a clock somewhere, and resorts to his phone that he stuffed in his back pocket. The device turns on, revealing that it’s now fifteen minutes before midnight.

Alright, he thinks to himself. Time to find Jjangah.

Jjangah’s bed is placed near the closet by the front door, but she isn’t there, Jongin finds out. Her toys are scattered near the bed, and a little bone toy is placed right on top of her soft bed. Jongin was about to initiate a full-on search for the pup, but then he heard Sehun’s annoyed cries from the kitchen. Jjangah must be bothering Sehun.

“For the last time, Jjangah, no!” Sehun says sternly, closing the microwave with his elbow, trying his best not to hurt her as he heads over to the table. Jongin enters the kitchen and sees the (not-so-small) poodle clinging onto Sehun’s leg, the pup standing on two as she tries to reach for the food.

Without noticing immediately, Jongin finds himself laughing. Sehun looks at Jongin with a sour look on his face, silently asking for him to take the poodle away. Jongin obliges, lifting the poodle up and into his arms.

“You’re a bit heavy, Jjangah,” Jongin says as he adjusts her in his arms, making sure the dog is comfortable. He can see Sehun relax, now setting the food down on the table.

“Bon appétit.” He says flatly, motioning to the leftovers of what Jongin assumes was last night's dinner. He can't really remember yesterday because of what happened today with Baekhyun.

“Chicken!” Jongin says excitedly, mouth salivating at the sight of his favorite meal ever. Who cares if it’s leftovers? It’s chicken!

Jjangah excitedly pounces onto Jongin’s leg, begging for some of the delicious meat. Jongin laughs and takes the plate, walking towards the couch as the poodle follows his every step. Sehun scoffs at the scene.

“I honestly have no idea how you eat that stuff.” Sehun walks over to the couch, landing right next to Jongin, plate (and dog) now in his lap. “It’s so… greasy.”

Jongin tears a piece of the chicken and gives it to the pup. He looks up at Sehun, grinning. “Since when did you care? You and I used to eat this like every day back in high school!” Another scoff from Sehun.

Hearing the words ‘back in high school’ makes it sound like the two boys are old men reminiscing about their old days, well, for Sehun at least. High school was a simple time for the both of them. It was a time where the two had no cares for the world around them, only focusing (or sleeping) on schoolwork. Though they had no relationships at all throughout the three years, it was a happier time than right now, Sehun decides.

“You make it sound like we’re old.” The younger turns his head, pouting. In actuality, he’s trying to hide the sadness in his eyes as he thinks about how happy they were back then.

Jongin chuckles, though muffled. Clearly he already started eating the chicken. “We’re getting there, my friend. We’re getting there.” Sehun tries his best to laugh at the thought of them already reaching old age, but he can’t. He’s too caught up thinking about tomorrow morning, what will happen to Baekhyun, and how it’ll affect Chanyeol. That is, if it affects him at all.

Sehun hopes everything will work out smoothly.

-

Jongin doesn’t know how much time passed since he talked to Sehun. His body felt heavy, as if there was a weight on top of him. He craned his neck to see what it is, or if there is anything at all. Strangely enough, it wasn’t his best friend (he can also fall asleep anywhere), but it was Jjangah. Jongin doesn’t recall the pup weighing this much. He needs to leave a note - is that even a good idea? - to remind Baekhyun (or Jongdae) to walk the dog regularly.

He nudges the dog with his hand, seeing if she will awake. The pup remains motionless, comfortable in his lap. Carefully picking up the pup from his lap, he sets her down to his right. Jjangah moves slightly, but doesn’t wake up from her slumber. Jongin laughs at how cute she is; literally just like himself. No wonder Baekhyun chose her
.

Jongin stretches on the couch, groaning as the muscles in his body relax and eventually lose their stiffness from his sitting position while sleeping. Getting up from the couch, Jongin stands still, looking around for his friend. Sehun is nowhere to be found. Maybe he’s in the bathroom or something, he thinks.

With no signs of a clock in the living room (Baekhyun and Jongdae never bothered because phones are a thing), Jongin grabbed his phone from his back pocket and turned it on, the living room illuminated from the bright screen. It shows a picture of him, Baekhyun, and Jongdae together, smiling and laughing. He should change it; he doesn’t want to remember the people that he hurt on this day. Scanning the device, he sees the numbers telling the time on the screen.

3:32 AM it reads. Only about two hours left.

Jongin sighs, stuffing the phone back into his pocket. He walked a few feet before his leg bumped into something heavy and thick. Swearing silently to himself, he saw that he walked into his suitcase that was already filled with all of his belongings - pictures, clothes, books, memories, everything - and his bag, leaning against the case.

I’m really going to do this, huh? Jongin thought to himself. Honestly, this is a decision Jongin isn’t even sure for himself. Jongin wants to move with him but he also doesn’t want to hurt Baekhyun, but with either choice he makes, Baekhyun will end up being hurt either way and it confuses Jongin. Jongin wants the best for his ex-lover, and he tried his everything to make the boy happy every day. Jongin thought this would be avoidable, but it isn’t. It angers him that the boy can’t receive happiness even though he deserves it greatly.

A door opens somewhere in the dorm, but no light is shown from the halls. It must be Sehun, Jongin thinks. He heads towards the hallway where the bathroom is located, and bumps into someone. This someone wasn’t tall as he is, nor did he have a broad body. It was someone who was shorter than him. Jongin squinted through the darkness to find a familiar light-brown tuft of hair in front of him.

It was Baekhyun.

“Jongin,” His soft voice rang out. It was as quiet as a whisper. “What…” He tilted his body to the left, eyeing the suitcase and bag side-by-side. Baekhyun looked up at Jongin, “...Are you doing?”

There were many things that Jongin wanted to say, but no words were able to form. It was like he was unable to speak at all, like there was something preventing him. His throat felt tight, and it suddenly felt hot in the room. He couldn’t face Baekhyun at all right now.

“Jongin,” His name was heard once again. Even through the darkness, Jongin could see the sadness in Baekhyun’s eyes. “Are you going somewhere?”

Out of all the things Jongin could have said to him, there was one thing he shouldn’t but did.

“I’m sorry.”

Sudden warmth was spread across Jongin's chest. There was the familiar tuft of brown hair underneath his chin, and arms were felt wrapping around his torso. Though he felt warmth from the other, a chill ran through his spine. He shivered, uncomfortable from the sudden temperature change.

Baekhyun stood there, embracing Jongin for god knows how long. There wasn’t a particular reason why he embraced him for so long, but he didn’t want to let go. The feeling of his arms, the feeling of someone’s warmth would soon be gone. Baekhyun realized this, and he should have felt sad, but instead he felt numb. No particular feelings were felt by him, but tears still ran down his cheeks. It should have been expected. Baekhyun may feel nothing, but something always overcomes him.

“It’s okay.” His voice was muffled by Jongin’s shirt. Jongin noticed how small and scared it sounded, how the boy visibly trembled in front of him. Jongin wrapped his arms around Baekhyun, bringing him in closer to his own body. Jongin wasn’t sure if he felt a tear run down the side of his cheek or not.

“It’s okay, Jonginnie. You don’t need to apologize. I know it couldn’t last, but thank you for the time we had together. You made my life worth living.” But now that you’re leaving, it's not worth living anymore. “I’m the one who needs to apologize, Jongin. I’m sorry for keeping you in the past. I’m sorry that I kept holding onto you.”

Wet tears started to soak through Jongin’s shirt. Baekhyun was crying, and maybe he was too, but he couldn’t tell. Everything didn’t feel right, it didn’t fit together. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Jongin was supposed to leave in peace, Baekhyun not aware. Baekhyun didn’t know did he? Or was he just putting an act on the entire time? Jongin couldn’t think of an answer as he held the boy in his arms.

What was Jongin supposed to say to him? That he knew? That it’s okay? There probably isn’t a possible answer to this question, and it frustrated him. He couldn’t comfort Baekhyun or save him from pain from before, so what makes him think that he can be capable of doing it right now? Jongin knows the answer to this question.

He can’t.

“This is what I deserve, isn’t it?” No, it isn’t. “Because what I did to you was unforgivable, and this is a way of getting back.” You don’t know what you’re saying. “But didn’t you say that you’ll stay with me? It was a promise, wasn’t it? Or was it a lie?”

”Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun pulls away from Jongin, arms now holding his torso loosely. The older doesn’t bother to look up at him now, eyes focusing downwards, face red from tears. Jongin tries to look away (it would just make him feel all the more guilty), but he can’t. There’s something drawing him into Baekhyun, even when it’s the end of the two. It’s frightening.

“When do you leave?” Jongin flinched hearing the question, especially from Baekhyun.

“At five.”

Jongin could have sworn he heard Baekhyun chuckle, albeit bitterly.

Baekhyun’s arms around Jongin drop down back to his side, hanging freely. It’s like he didn’t have the energy to bother with anything, really. Jongin would love to hold Baekhyun again in his arms, comforting him, try to make him laugh and smile, but he knows that wouldn’t be the wisest choice right now.

Jongin’s feelings towards Baekhyun are mutual. Baekhyun surely must know it by now.

No one said anything. Jongin knows that Baekhyun has a million things to say, but he can’t bring himself to say it. It goes for him as well, unable to speak the words his mind thinks of.

Baekhyun backs up, the boy never tearing his gaze down away. It hurts to see him like this; to see him so broken. It’s as if Baekhyun was played as a toy and left to collect dust when he became boring - or in fact, the person grew up and left him behind.

If Baekhyun was a toy, he would never grow up. He would continue to stay the same forever, despite the changes the person may do to it. Being made to please and play, he fulfills his purpose, although temporarily. One cannot love a simple toy for so long once it loses its luster.

Jongin is the person who came across the toy one day, like a birthday present. He plays with Baekhyun daily for many months, perhaps years, but eventually, Jongin starts to change. Starting as a boy who plays with small figures and toys is now grown up to be a teenager, and eventually, an adult. The toy is left forgotten in the process, probably in a box or under the bed. Something that used to make him so happy before is not even spared a thought.

Jongin thinks this is how it must have been for Chanyeol and Baekhyun's relationship before. The same had happened to him eventually.

When Jongin looks at it that way, it hurts even more than it should.

But should it hurt this much when he doesn’t feel Baekhyun in that way anymore?

Baekhyun turned around, Jongin not even realizing until he sees the elder's back turned towards him. He must have been so involved in his thoughts that he didn’t even focus on the current situation.

“I wish you the best, Jongin-ah.” Is all Baekhyun can muster up. There are no more tears, there are no more cries. There are no more pleas to stay behind. Jongin doesn’t know if Baekhyun is making this easy or not for him, but then again, he can’t tell if this situation can be made easy.

Baekhyun starts making his way back to the bedroom. Soft thuds against the cold wooden floor is all that is heard in the quiet apartment. Jongin doesn’t move at all, unknowing if it calls for comfort for the other, but those would be lies if he did. Now that Baekhyun found out (according to Jongin’s knowledge), there’s no use in trying to comfort him with lies. Jongin swore not to lie anymore to Baekhyun, and making a move right now would make things worse.

A door creaks open, indicating Baekhyun has reached the bedroom filled with a half-empty wardrobe. It closes with a click, and another click is heard. Baekhyun locked himself in the room.

Jongin continues to stay rooted to where he is. Funny how he moved on from Baekhyun, but once he found out, he can’t even move from his spot. Jongin briefly wonders if this was a smart choice or not before hearing the soft thuds again. It would be foolish to think it would be Baekhyun.

A hand rested on Jongin’s now cold shoulder.

“Are you alright?” It was Sehun.

With Baekhyun out of his life, Jongin no longer has to debate on deciding to tell the truth or make a lie. Whenever Baekhyun was present, he could only lie to the elder about, well, everything. Jongin cannot recall a day he went without a lie with Baekhyun present. Everyone else, however, he kept all truths intact.

This is the first lie in months that Jongin’s said to anyone but Baekhyun.

“No, I’m not.”

-

Jongin waits in silence for nearly two hours. Sehun was by his side throughout it all, but he said nothing to comfort him. There was nothing he can do for his friend, having not experience this yet. Jongin hopes he will never experience the feelings of a breakup, or being used as a toy.

Sehun didn’t know it was a lie when he said he wasn’t fine. In fact, he’s perfectly fine; it took a load off his chest, minus the pangs of guilt that come around every so often. Being in a relationship with Baekhyun was suffocating due to the fact there wasn’t any real love involved. Did Baekhyun even love him back, or did he just stick with him because he had no one? Maybe Baekhyun was being selfish in keeping Jongin, and maybe he did do the right thing of moving away from here.

A knock was heard on the door, and Jongin bolted out of his seat. Sehun stood up and followed suit. Jongin never got up so fast in the time that they were friends. Sehun briefly wonders how good of a person Jongin now likes is.

Jongin reaches the door and stops abruptly, slowing his panting breath. He closes his eyes, quickly willing himself to calm down. Sehun is by his side once again, waiting to see who the man behind the door is. Jongin exchanges a quick glance with his best friend once his breathing has regulated, and he nods.

Jongin turns to face the door. Slowly, he reaches for the handle, opening the door.

In front stands a man who, compared to both Sehun and Jongin’s height, is quite short. Wide, owl-like eyes look up at Jongin with solemn look. His lips were thick, almost resembling a heart shape. With short trimmed bangs in his light brown hair, he almost looks of a child. A child with a deadly stare, despite his cute face.

This is the man Jongin fell in love with once again.

“Hey.” He greets, lips turning into a smirk once he meets with Jongin’s eyes.

“Hi.” Jongin greets back. He tries to hide the smile that dares to break out on his face, but fails. Suddenly, Jongin reaches out to hug the shorter man, the other not protesting or yelping in any way. Instead, he laughs.

“Aren’t you happy?” He pushes Jongin away, who releases him from his hold.

Jongin shrugs, smiling. “Kind of.”

“Are you Kyungsoo,” Sehun says, “that Jongin has been telling me about?”

Jongin steps out of the doorway so Kyungsoo is visible to his friend. A smile is on his lips, eyes set with interest and a friendly look on Sehun. He puts his hand out, staring up at the boy.

“And you’re Sehun, aren’t you?” Sehun nods and shakes hands with Kyungsoo, both bowing slightly to each other. “I don’t mean to be rude, but the two of us must really go now. Jongin needs to get settled in with me, you know?” With the smile gone, his eyes appear to be dead serious. It almost gives Sehun goosebumps.

“No, it’s alright.” Sehun quickly makes his way towards Jongin’s items, grabbing them and handing it to Jongin. “Take care of him well.” He turns to Jongin, “You,” he points, “You better make some time for me over the weekend. Just because you going to Kyungsoo’s college doesn’t mean that we should stop hanging out.”

Jongin laughs at his best friend, using his bag to hit him with. He quickly slings it over his shoulder. “Alright, mom.” Sehun punches him on his arm, the other slightly wincing in pain. Sehun must be embarrassed, Jongin thinks.

“Jongin, let’s go.” Kyungsoo jingles the keys, hinting that he should hurry up. Jongin nodded and smiled towards Sehun. Though he was sad that he was going to leave his best friend, he knows that Sehun will be happy with Chanyeol now… Which leaves Baekhyun alone- no. Baekhyun isn't of your concern anymore, Jongin. Stop it. Remember, you've moved on.

“Jongin,” Kyungsoo says once again.

“Alright, alright.”

“Bye, Jongin.” Sehun waves goodbye to him when he steps out the doorway and spares one more glance at his best friend. Both of them smile at each other.

“You look ugly when you smile.” He laughs as Sehun scrunches up his nose in scowl.. “Bye, Sehunnie~”

The door closes, and the dorm is silent once again. Sehun turns around and hears a familiar creak of a door. It isn’t Jongin, no, the sound didn’t come from that direction.

“You’re not that ugly when you smile.” A familiar voice says, though quietly. If it wasn’t for the tousled hair that peeked out from the hallway, Sehun wouldn’t have known it was him speaking.

Sehun stood there, looking at how wrecked he was in just two hours. There were no noises at all coming from the room, but his eyes were red and swollen. His skin looked very dry, something that happens often to the boy after he cries, and if Sehun looked closely, you could see the dry stains of tears on his face and clothing. He’s even hugging a small little Rilakkuma doll that… that Jongin gave to him. Sehun remembers he gave it to Baekhyun on his own birthday.

”Idiot, you’re supposed to receive presents, not give them away!”

“Well, then he’s special. Should I give him the pink one or the one with the cute cow hoodie?”

“Why am I friends with you…”

“I don’t know, being honest.”

“...Give him the cow one.”

“You want to keep pinkupinku?”

“...Shut up.”

Sehun couldn’t help but feel guilty for taking a part of his life away.

“Thanks, Baekhyun.”

-

“So.”

“So, what?”

“How did it go? Did you tell him?”

“Yeah, I did. It went… better than I expected, I guess.”

“Do you still have feelings for him?”

“No.”

“Are you sad about it?”

“I… guess so. I mean, I feel guilty, but not as sad as I thought I would have been.”

“Jongin… do you really think you should have done this? That we should have happened? I mean-”

“Kyungsoo, I moved on. He didn’t. It’s as simple as that. Even Sehun and Chanyeol have moved on.”

“But you have to think about it… From what you told me about him and Chanyeol, he really doesn’t have anyone left. He only had you.”

“I know.”

“And you left him.”

“I had no choice, Kyungsoo.”

“Did you really? You always have a choice, Jongin.”

“Fuck, Kyungsoo. Why are you doing this to me? The only choices I had were to be unhappy with him, or live with you.”

“Sorry, I’m just… curious. It’s just… Do you think he hates me because… you know.”

“He can’t hate anyone at all, trust me on that.”

“Jongin-”

“Kyungsoo, you love me, right?

“I do. I do love you.”

“And I love you. He also loves me, but I don’t love him, not anymore. It doesn’t work out like that, okay?”

“I’m sorry for asking about it in the first place. I just felt really bad for him.”

“He’ll get over it, eventually.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

I hope.

-

That was the first lie Jongin told to Kyungsoo.

Jongin's log

A/N:
phew i finally finished this after so long

i guess you can say that this fic is a bit personal for me ;;; but i hope you enjoyed it
//my first long fic ever wow thanks baekai