FIC: Earth (Barney/Robin) HIMYM
Title: Earth
Summary: What if it was Robin who was in love with Barney in season 4? Robin arrives back in New York to attend Ted's rushed wedding to Stella. An alternative version of Shelter Island.
Rating/Warnings: PG-15 for sexual situations - racy but nothing too explicit.
Word Count: 2,191
Challenge: Part of the fanfic100 challenge - #53 - Earth
Fandom/Pairing: HIMYM, Barney/Robin
Spoilers: For Season 4 - to Shelter Island
#~- ichi
There’s something about being on a plane that’s just about to land that makes Robin Scherbatsky incredibly horny. Maybe it’s that microsecond of momento mori, when you hear the landing gear crack down and you anticipate that bump against the tarmac. Maybe it’s that you feel so helpless, flung back hard against your seat as the brakes engage. Not that this experience is at all unpleasant because in first class everything is super-upholstered and ultra-soundproofed.
In first class, the champagne flows like water.
Robin could almost forget that she lost her job fourteen hours ago. Not that she didn’t deserve to be fired, taking off after only her first week in Tokyo. But hey, screw them.
She supposes that it’s easy to feel this gung ho when you’re more than a little drunk and your crazy-expensive last minute ticket has been paid for by your best friend.
Almost as soon as the plane is down, when it’s still taxiing to the arrival gate, Robin flips on her cell phone. She guesses, correctly, that the rules they make for the drones in Economy don’t apply here, as the rock stars and business men around her are all doing the same thing. And really, all she wants to know is that some of her friends missed her, and that everything is going to be okay now she’s back in New York. She’s looking for reassurance and what she finds is so amazing that she actually tears up. She blames the alcohol because - come on - she never cries. She never gets sentimental about coming home. She’s Robin Scherbatsky: International reporter. She’s all about the excitement and adventure.
But the truth is, she’s also touched when she gets ten messages, three of which are from him. Barney (her recent benefactor), whose first message is to ask her if Michael Jackson knows what she’s doing to Bubbles on Japanese TV.
Barney, whose second message is ““No booze or meat here. This is hell on earth. Save me.”
Robin finds herself smiling and wiping her eyes as she reads the messages from Lily and Marshall, one from her sister, and a weird-ass text from Ted. It’s then that she knows that she won’t be going back to Japan. Even if she called Tokyo Ichi and begged them to keep her, she doubts they would. She’s not the right fit for them, she knows that now. Best to cut her losses.
And it’s not the end of the world. She has other stuff going on in her life. She just hopes her champagne buzz doesn’t fade before she gets to this “damn hippie commune” (Barney’s words) where Ted is marrying Stella. And going by Barney, Lily and Marshall’s texts, she’s also glad that she bought a bottle of scotch on the plane.
Because she plans on seducing Barney. And she doesn’t want her nerve to fail.
#~- ni
Robin doesn’t know when she first discovered she had feelings for Barney, but she thinks she can trace it back to when he was in hospital. Could she be any more clichéd? Like Marty McFly’s Mom falling in love with his dorky Dad, she guesses she’s got some kind of feminine protective instinct for guys who are all beat up. Or maybe it’s the Canadian in her?
Yeah, she’ll go with the Canadian option.
Robin also knows that she’s already had two or three clear chances to get with Barney since then. But as their friendship has grown, she’s found it increasingly difficult to move it on to the next level. She's terrible at this. She's a terrible girlfriend. If you look at what she did to Ted, things would be so much worse with Barney.
And he’s just been so nice to her, so damn supportive. It was him that told her to go for the job in Japan (and won’t he be just a little pissed that she didn’t make a go of it?). It was him that pushed her every step in the way, forced her to believe in herself.
But it was also him that got her back here in time for Ted’s wedding. Was that merely being a good Bro? Robin didn’t think so. Barney wants her there, and not just for Ted. Now it’s up to her to show him how grateful she is.
After all, she gets his reticence because she feels the same damn thing. Risking what they have, risking this turning into a disaster and losing each other forever, risking Ted’s wrath (again) - that’s something that hard to put aside.
But that’s also the kind of introspection that’s making her lose wood right now. Robin sets her jaw, closes her eyes and tries to think calm thoughts. Zen, like they probably try and teach you at Shelter Island.
Zen and the art of having sex with your best friend.
She’ll fit right in.
#~- san
Robin’s unsurprised to find Ranjit waiting for her at JFK, holding a sign which says “She butt ski (Japan)”. She sees Barney’s hand all over that thing. Robin gets a one-armed hug from the driver and kisses him on the cheek before he hefts her case into the town car as if it weighs nothing at all.
Once in the cab and out of the biting October wind, Robin texts Barney “On my way, with supplies. Tell me they have TV in the rooms?”
Almost immediately, he comes back with “Yeah, but no porn channel. This is a living nightmare!”
Then her cell phone rings.
#~- si
Barney tells her, quite animatedly, that she needs to get her ass there soon, describing the horror of the place they’re all stuck in great detail. He doesn’t seem to want to get off the phone and Robin finds herself dozing to the sound of his comforting, ridiculous monologue. It’s a long cab ride across Long Island to catch the Greenport ferry. When she gets there it’s cold enough to wake her as she sits on deck with her luggage and she downs a couple of shots from her bottle of scotch because she tells herself that she needs the warmth. She’s more relieved than she can say when she sees the twinkling lights of shore draw near and is able to make her way down to the disembarkation area (basically an expanse of metal gangway with a chain across it).
None of the other passengers seem particularly keen to get onto Shelter Island and so Robin doesn’t have to fight her way to the front of the queue. She gets this strange compulsion to feel the earth under her feet, to scuff up the dirt with her toes, to stick her stiletto heels in grass. There’s something visceral about it being on the ground after all that time in the air. And Robin feels a pulse grow inside her again, a need to connect with somebody, skin to skin. She’s been too long in the away from solid ground, and way too long away from male company.
As soon as she’s through the docking gate, somebody calls her name and rushes towards her, enveloping her in a tight embrace. Before she knows it she’s holding on to him, burying her nose in his cashmere coat, letting the familiar scent of cigars and expensive cologne envelop her.
“Hello stranger!” Barney says, pulling back. He’s grinning from ear to ear. He looks so happy to see her that for a minute she thinks she’s going to burst into tears again.
“God, it’s good to see you,” She manages to choke out. “I can’t believe you came to pick me up!”
He laughs, and it’s all so familiar, spreading a warmth through her stomach. “Are you kidding?” He says with a wink. “I’m just here for the alcohol.”
#~- go
And that’s the moment that Robin knows she’s fallen in love with Barney Stinson. She doesn’t care that she’s jet lagged and not thinking straight. He’s so solid and comforting and he slings his arm easily across her shoulder and tells her that today they are the coolest kids on Shelter Island, she just wants to run off and make a fort in the trees with him and hide out and never go back to civilisation.
And because Robin’s in danger of admitting one dark secret, she finds herself almost blurting out another one. “So, any chance of us blowing this whole show and just taking the ferry straight back to MacLaren's?” She asks. “Because, I know Ted invited me and everything, but it’s weird because I’m his ex… And I came all this way…” She trails off because Barney’s giving her a stern look.
“Aw, c’mon Robin! You have to go to the wedding!” He says firmly. “You’d hate yourself if you bailed. Plus Ted would never let you forget it.”
Robin’s heart sinks a little.
“But,” Barney continues. “We could just show for the ceremony and then sneak off to your room when it gets to the dull stuff? Hit the scotch to dull the pain of Ted’s matrimony. You did bring the scotch?” He asks, with mock concern.
“They didn’t book me a room,” Robin protests as Barney guides her into a waiting cab. She fishes into her bag and produces the bottle, unstopping it and taking a swig.
“Well, my room then. No funny business!” He grins and wiggles his eyebrows. “I mean, unless you want a three-way with Stella’s sister?”
Robin almost chokes on the scotch for laughing. “Hey,” she says, “Seriously, aren’t I gonna cramp your style? I mean, bridesmaids! I could totally set you up.”
He doesn’t reply right away. Something unreadable flickers in his expression for a moment, so quickly that she wonders if she imagined it. She might be projecting her feelings onto him.
“Bros before hoes,” he says, sounding a little subdued. “Besides, it’s not every day you lose your job.”
That pulls her up short and she has to swallow a few times before she can reply. He’s holding the whiskey bottle but not drinking, so she takes it back.
“How did you know?” She asks, and she can almost predict his reply.
“Please,” he says with a wry smile. “You don’t think I’ve been watching your show? You’d be crazy to want to stay.”
“I made the right decision,” Robin says in an even tone, although she’s feeling a little panicky inside.
He leans in, so near that their noses are almost touching and Robin gets this strange impression that he’s going to kiss her. She also knows that she wouldn’t object. In fact, she’d welcome it.
But he just grins. “We’re here.”
#~- roku
Everything in Namaste Yoga is decorated in a muted pastel or earthy colour - sage green and walnut brown, yellow ochre and lemon. The forced-calmness makes Robin crazy, sends her into overdrive, like there’s a million bees buzzing beneath her skin.
They head straight for Barney’s room and they’re barely through the door when she’s kissing him, pushing him up against the wall and holding on to him, anticipating a struggle that never comes.
Eventually, she breaks away, breathless, her lips swollen and tingling.
“I feel bad for not having said 'Hi' to Marshall and Lily,” she says.
“Are we confessing?” Barney asks her, lips twitching into a grin. “Because I feel bad for missing Ted’s wedding.”
Robin laughs. “We haven’t missed it yet.” But then he wraps his arms around her, lifts her an inch off the floor, and carries her over to the bed.
She hits the mattress and he collapses on top of her, his blue eyes burning with a cold fire. “Do you know how long I’ve wanted to do that?” He says, his voice rough with urgency. But he doesn’t do anything for a long minute, just lays there, his weight pinning her down.
“I want to do this,” Robin says slowly, feeling a little embarrassed by his scrutiny.
“I’m not sure you know what you want,” he counters, but he hefts himself up on to one elbow and his fingers slide under the hem of her sweater. “You’re such a chick.”
“What I do know is that I don’t want this to be just one night thing,” Robin protests. She feels weird, a little angry at him maybe, for being perfect, for being Barney.
He raises an eyebrow at that and moves down the bed. When she feels his lips softly graze her abdomen she moans in frustration. “Did you hear me?”
Then he looks up at her and there’s something so real, so vulnerable in his expression, that she actually feels her heart clench in her chest.
“Say that again in the morning and we’ll talk,” he says, as though he doesn’t expect that she will. And then his fingers work their way into her slacks and she can’t make any coherent words at all. Not for the rest of the night.
#~- sichi
Things don’t run smoothly, not for any of them. It only takes six months until the end of Ted’s crappy first marriage.
Marshall and Lily go through highs and low, through bereavement and the birth of their kids, job changes and life changes.
And Robin and Barney fight fiercely, love well, grow together and stand by each other. Whatever their troubles, they always forgive each other. Because, above all, they were best friends first.
Summary: What if it was Robin who was in love with Barney in season 4? Robin arrives back in New York to attend Ted's rushed wedding to Stella. An alternative version of Shelter Island.
Rating/Warnings: PG-15 for sexual situations - racy but nothing too explicit.
Word Count: 2,191
Challenge: Part of the fanfic100 challenge - #53 - Earth
Fandom/Pairing: HIMYM, Barney/Robin
Spoilers: For Season 4 - to Shelter Island
#~- ichi
There’s something about being on a plane that’s just about to land that makes Robin Scherbatsky incredibly horny. Maybe it’s that microsecond of momento mori, when you hear the landing gear crack down and you anticipate that bump against the tarmac. Maybe it’s that you feel so helpless, flung back hard against your seat as the brakes engage. Not that this experience is at all unpleasant because in first class everything is super-upholstered and ultra-soundproofed.
In first class, the champagne flows like water.
Robin could almost forget that she lost her job fourteen hours ago. Not that she didn’t deserve to be fired, taking off after only her first week in Tokyo. But hey, screw them.
She supposes that it’s easy to feel this gung ho when you’re more than a little drunk and your crazy-expensive last minute ticket has been paid for by your best friend.
Almost as soon as the plane is down, when it’s still taxiing to the arrival gate, Robin flips on her cell phone. She guesses, correctly, that the rules they make for the drones in Economy don’t apply here, as the rock stars and business men around her are all doing the same thing. And really, all she wants to know is that some of her friends missed her, and that everything is going to be okay now she’s back in New York. She’s looking for reassurance and what she finds is so amazing that she actually tears up. She blames the alcohol because - come on - she never cries. She never gets sentimental about coming home. She’s Robin Scherbatsky: International reporter. She’s all about the excitement and adventure.
But the truth is, she’s also touched when she gets ten messages, three of which are from him. Barney (her recent benefactor), whose first message is to ask her if Michael Jackson knows what she’s doing to Bubbles on Japanese TV.
Barney, whose second message is ““No booze or meat here. This is hell on earth. Save me.”
Robin finds herself smiling and wiping her eyes as she reads the messages from Lily and Marshall, one from her sister, and a weird-ass text from Ted. It’s then that she knows that she won’t be going back to Japan. Even if she called Tokyo Ichi and begged them to keep her, she doubts they would. She’s not the right fit for them, she knows that now. Best to cut her losses.
And it’s not the end of the world. She has other stuff going on in her life. She just hopes her champagne buzz doesn’t fade before she gets to this “damn hippie commune” (Barney’s words) where Ted is marrying Stella. And going by Barney, Lily and Marshall’s texts, she’s also glad that she bought a bottle of scotch on the plane.
Because she plans on seducing Barney. And she doesn’t want her nerve to fail.
#~- ni
Robin doesn’t know when she first discovered she had feelings for Barney, but she thinks she can trace it back to when he was in hospital. Could she be any more clichéd? Like Marty McFly’s Mom falling in love with his dorky Dad, she guesses she’s got some kind of feminine protective instinct for guys who are all beat up. Or maybe it’s the Canadian in her?
Yeah, she’ll go with the Canadian option.
Robin also knows that she’s already had two or three clear chances to get with Barney since then. But as their friendship has grown, she’s found it increasingly difficult to move it on to the next level. She's terrible at this. She's a terrible girlfriend. If you look at what she did to Ted, things would be so much worse with Barney.
And he’s just been so nice to her, so damn supportive. It was him that told her to go for the job in Japan (and won’t he be just a little pissed that she didn’t make a go of it?). It was him that pushed her every step in the way, forced her to believe in herself.
But it was also him that got her back here in time for Ted’s wedding. Was that merely being a good Bro? Robin didn’t think so. Barney wants her there, and not just for Ted. Now it’s up to her to show him how grateful she is.
After all, she gets his reticence because she feels the same damn thing. Risking what they have, risking this turning into a disaster and losing each other forever, risking Ted’s wrath (again) - that’s something that hard to put aside.
But that’s also the kind of introspection that’s making her lose wood right now. Robin sets her jaw, closes her eyes and tries to think calm thoughts. Zen, like they probably try and teach you at Shelter Island.
Zen and the art of having sex with your best friend.
She’ll fit right in.
#~- san
Robin’s unsurprised to find Ranjit waiting for her at JFK, holding a sign which says “She butt ski (Japan)”. She sees Barney’s hand all over that thing. Robin gets a one-armed hug from the driver and kisses him on the cheek before he hefts her case into the town car as if it weighs nothing at all.
Once in the cab and out of the biting October wind, Robin texts Barney “On my way, with supplies. Tell me they have TV in the rooms?”
Almost immediately, he comes back with “Yeah, but no porn channel. This is a living nightmare!”
Then her cell phone rings.
#~- si
Barney tells her, quite animatedly, that she needs to get her ass there soon, describing the horror of the place they’re all stuck in great detail. He doesn’t seem to want to get off the phone and Robin finds herself dozing to the sound of his comforting, ridiculous monologue. It’s a long cab ride across Long Island to catch the Greenport ferry. When she gets there it’s cold enough to wake her as she sits on deck with her luggage and she downs a couple of shots from her bottle of scotch because she tells herself that she needs the warmth. She’s more relieved than she can say when she sees the twinkling lights of shore draw near and is able to make her way down to the disembarkation area (basically an expanse of metal gangway with a chain across it).
None of the other passengers seem particularly keen to get onto Shelter Island and so Robin doesn’t have to fight her way to the front of the queue. She gets this strange compulsion to feel the earth under her feet, to scuff up the dirt with her toes, to stick her stiletto heels in grass. There’s something visceral about it being on the ground after all that time in the air. And Robin feels a pulse grow inside her again, a need to connect with somebody, skin to skin. She’s been too long in the away from solid ground, and way too long away from male company.
As soon as she’s through the docking gate, somebody calls her name and rushes towards her, enveloping her in a tight embrace. Before she knows it she’s holding on to him, burying her nose in his cashmere coat, letting the familiar scent of cigars and expensive cologne envelop her.
“Hello stranger!” Barney says, pulling back. He’s grinning from ear to ear. He looks so happy to see her that for a minute she thinks she’s going to burst into tears again.
“God, it’s good to see you,” She manages to choke out. “I can’t believe you came to pick me up!”
He laughs, and it’s all so familiar, spreading a warmth through her stomach. “Are you kidding?” He says with a wink. “I’m just here for the alcohol.”
#~- go
And that’s the moment that Robin knows she’s fallen in love with Barney Stinson. She doesn’t care that she’s jet lagged and not thinking straight. He’s so solid and comforting and he slings his arm easily across her shoulder and tells her that today they are the coolest kids on Shelter Island, she just wants to run off and make a fort in the trees with him and hide out and never go back to civilisation.
And because Robin’s in danger of admitting one dark secret, she finds herself almost blurting out another one. “So, any chance of us blowing this whole show and just taking the ferry straight back to MacLaren's?” She asks. “Because, I know Ted invited me and everything, but it’s weird because I’m his ex… And I came all this way…” She trails off because Barney’s giving her a stern look.
“Aw, c’mon Robin! You have to go to the wedding!” He says firmly. “You’d hate yourself if you bailed. Plus Ted would never let you forget it.”
Robin’s heart sinks a little.
“But,” Barney continues. “We could just show for the ceremony and then sneak off to your room when it gets to the dull stuff? Hit the scotch to dull the pain of Ted’s matrimony. You did bring the scotch?” He asks, with mock concern.
“They didn’t book me a room,” Robin protests as Barney guides her into a waiting cab. She fishes into her bag and produces the bottle, unstopping it and taking a swig.
“Well, my room then. No funny business!” He grins and wiggles his eyebrows. “I mean, unless you want a three-way with Stella’s sister?”
Robin almost chokes on the scotch for laughing. “Hey,” she says, “Seriously, aren’t I gonna cramp your style? I mean, bridesmaids! I could totally set you up.”
He doesn’t reply right away. Something unreadable flickers in his expression for a moment, so quickly that she wonders if she imagined it. She might be projecting her feelings onto him.
“Bros before hoes,” he says, sounding a little subdued. “Besides, it’s not every day you lose your job.”
That pulls her up short and she has to swallow a few times before she can reply. He’s holding the whiskey bottle but not drinking, so she takes it back.
“How did you know?” She asks, and she can almost predict his reply.
“Please,” he says with a wry smile. “You don’t think I’ve been watching your show? You’d be crazy to want to stay.”
“I made the right decision,” Robin says in an even tone, although she’s feeling a little panicky inside.
He leans in, so near that their noses are almost touching and Robin gets this strange impression that he’s going to kiss her. She also knows that she wouldn’t object. In fact, she’d welcome it.
But he just grins. “We’re here.”
#~- roku
Everything in Namaste Yoga is decorated in a muted pastel or earthy colour - sage green and walnut brown, yellow ochre and lemon. The forced-calmness makes Robin crazy, sends her into overdrive, like there’s a million bees buzzing beneath her skin.
They head straight for Barney’s room and they’re barely through the door when she’s kissing him, pushing him up against the wall and holding on to him, anticipating a struggle that never comes.
Eventually, she breaks away, breathless, her lips swollen and tingling.
“I feel bad for not having said 'Hi' to Marshall and Lily,” she says.
“Are we confessing?” Barney asks her, lips twitching into a grin. “Because I feel bad for missing Ted’s wedding.”
Robin laughs. “We haven’t missed it yet.” But then he wraps his arms around her, lifts her an inch off the floor, and carries her over to the bed.
She hits the mattress and he collapses on top of her, his blue eyes burning with a cold fire. “Do you know how long I’ve wanted to do that?” He says, his voice rough with urgency. But he doesn’t do anything for a long minute, just lays there, his weight pinning her down.
“I want to do this,” Robin says slowly, feeling a little embarrassed by his scrutiny.
“I’m not sure you know what you want,” he counters, but he hefts himself up on to one elbow and his fingers slide under the hem of her sweater. “You’re such a chick.”
“What I do know is that I don’t want this to be just one night thing,” Robin protests. She feels weird, a little angry at him maybe, for being perfect, for being Barney.
He raises an eyebrow at that and moves down the bed. When she feels his lips softly graze her abdomen she moans in frustration. “Did you hear me?”
Then he looks up at her and there’s something so real, so vulnerable in his expression, that she actually feels her heart clench in her chest.
“Say that again in the morning and we’ll talk,” he says, as though he doesn’t expect that she will. And then his fingers work their way into her slacks and she can’t make any coherent words at all. Not for the rest of the night.
#~- sichi
Things don’t run smoothly, not for any of them. It only takes six months until the end of Ted’s crappy first marriage.
Marshall and Lily go through highs and low, through bereavement and the birth of their kids, job changes and life changes.
And Robin and Barney fight fiercely, love well, grow together and stand by each other. Whatever their troubles, they always forgive each other. Because, above all, they were best friends first.