FIC: Skeleton in the closet (1/1) HIMYM
The skeleton in the closet.
To celebrate Robin's dual citizenship, they order that $2,500 bottle of Glen McKenna scotch and Carl shakes his head, laughing when Barney just slides his Amex Black over the counter and shrugs it off.
"Hey, I'll win it back in Vegas," he quips, and Lily "accidentally" steps on his toe with her stiletto heel.
Ted remembers, because he's Ted, that they promised to buy the bottle exactly a year ago, when Robin was supposed to be the hottest reporter on the Pacific Rim.
Robin bites back the obvious retort, that Ted was supposed to be happily married to Stella, but she squeezes Barney's knee and he knows that she's thinking it.
It's not couple telepathy. They're way too awesome for that.
Talk turns, naturally, to Halloween. Ted's keen for them all to go up to his roof party in matching Star Trek costumes, which leads to a discussion of who would be who.
"Well, I'd be Kirk," Ted says, while Barney scoffs. "I'm the hero!" Ted protest, a little hurt when they all laugh.
Then Marshall smirks, saying, "I guess that makes Robin Spock, right?" causing Lily to cough. "What is it, baby?"
Because Robin's about to kick her under the table, Lily explains herself out loud. "Well, it's just, um, on the internet, in the fan fiction, Spock and Kirk are usually, how shall I say this, paired up?"
It takes a moment for this to register, then the three guys let out a simultaneous "Ew!".
Then Ted just shrugs, pouring them each a couple of fingers of scotch from the obscenely expensive bottle. They drink, momentarily pretending that they can tell the difference between this and regular scotch before admitting they really can't.
After getting Wendy to take a photograph of the occasion, the conversation continues.
"So," Ted says carefully, swilling the amber liquid around in the bottom of his glass. "How do you know so much about Star Trek fan fiction, Lily?"
Lily smiles a secret smile. "Well, sometimes a girl gets a hankering to read erotic tales of two hot men getting it on."
Robin nods sagely. "Plus, Zachary Quinto? Damn that boy's got something."
Marshall looks a little scandalized.
"Okay, okay," Barney says, laughing. "So I guess that makes Marshall Uhura, which makes some kind of sense because he's totally the chick in your relationship," Robin nudges him for that, then he continues. "So what does that make me?"
"Bones," Ted bursts out. They all look at him. "What?" Ted protests. "He's the only main character left?"
"Uh, there's Sulu and Chekov," Lily corrects him, and Marshall leans in and whispers something in her ear.
"What?" She says, frowning. "I'm really bored in the evenings. You're always working!"
Marshall folds his arms and scowls.
"Besides," Robin says, grinning. "Don't, like, Kirk and Bones have huge internet following also?"
Barney shakes his head. "My girlfriend is a geek," he sighs.
Ted grins at that. "It's the dream."
*--*--*
They don't do the Star Trek Costume thing for Halloween. Ted, who's gotten cynical about dating, wears a skeleton costume underneath his traditional Hanging Chad. He tells everyone it's symbolic of the post-Obama, post-recession malaise, but really he just thinks the costume looks pretty kick-ass.
Robin drops by later, having left Barney at some lame party organized by one of Barney and Marshall's co-workers at GNB.
"Wow," Ted says, "I'm impressed. You trust him enough to leave him alone on Halloween? When every girl has an excuse to dress slutty?"
Robin shrugs. "Meh, he knows what'll happen if he tries anything."
Ted shivers a little at the steel in her voice. She sounds a little drunk, a little bitter.
"Robin," he ventures. "Is everything between you and Barney okay?"
She turns to look out over the city, where the twinkling lights illuminate the night sky. "It's just," she begins, and pauses, wiping her eyes. "It's stupid."
"Hey," Ted says gently, and places a gentle hand on her shoulder. He can feel the warmth of her skin and, this close, he can smell her perfume. He's tempted to lean forward, to nuzzle that sensitive spot at the side of her neck, letting her hair fall in a curtain over his face.
He shakes himself. It's Robin! He thought he'd gotten over these feelings.
"It's just," Robin begins again. "It's just Katie, my sister, she called me today to talk about Christmas and I was thinking, what are the odds in us making it till then? Me and Barney, I mean? I mean, he's a gambler, but I don't think even he would bet on us lasting until the New Year."
Ted lets his hand sweep across Robin's shoulder blades and down, to settle in the small of her back. Comforting, that's it. Definitely nothing sexual.
"You guys are great together," he says, telling himself he believes it. "You just have to work at it. Every couple has to work at it."
"That's not what Marshall says," Robin replies, then seems to clam up. Ted can feel the tension, the stiffening of her spine, in the moment before she laughs and pulls away.
She leaves him bereft, his hand stretched out into thin air, missing the warmth of her body. He tells himself he's just drunk, and lonely, and horny, and that he hasn't gotten laid in way too long. But Ted knows this feeling, this feeling of loving Robin Scherbatsky. He's lived with it for almost five years.
Robin makes her apologies and heads back down to their apartment. Ted hits on a girl after mixing her Kahlua and Root Beer. He gets her number.
Typically, the Slutty Pumpkin doesn't show.
But somehow, it's Robin, the feeling of Robin, that lingers until he makes it to bed that night and it fills him with guilt and longing in equal measure. Because Robin's with Barney now.
Ted just wishes, he really wishes, that she wasn't.
To celebrate Robin's dual citizenship, they order that $2,500 bottle of Glen McKenna scotch and Carl shakes his head, laughing when Barney just slides his Amex Black over the counter and shrugs it off.
"Hey, I'll win it back in Vegas," he quips, and Lily "accidentally" steps on his toe with her stiletto heel.
Ted remembers, because he's Ted, that they promised to buy the bottle exactly a year ago, when Robin was supposed to be the hottest reporter on the Pacific Rim.
Robin bites back the obvious retort, that Ted was supposed to be happily married to Stella, but she squeezes Barney's knee and he knows that she's thinking it.
It's not couple telepathy. They're way too awesome for that.
Talk turns, naturally, to Halloween. Ted's keen for them all to go up to his roof party in matching Star Trek costumes, which leads to a discussion of who would be who.
"Well, I'd be Kirk," Ted says, while Barney scoffs. "I'm the hero!" Ted protest, a little hurt when they all laugh.
Then Marshall smirks, saying, "I guess that makes Robin Spock, right?" causing Lily to cough. "What is it, baby?"
Because Robin's about to kick her under the table, Lily explains herself out loud. "Well, it's just, um, on the internet, in the fan fiction, Spock and Kirk are usually, how shall I say this, paired up?"
It takes a moment for this to register, then the three guys let out a simultaneous "Ew!".
Then Ted just shrugs, pouring them each a couple of fingers of scotch from the obscenely expensive bottle. They drink, momentarily pretending that they can tell the difference between this and regular scotch before admitting they really can't.
After getting Wendy to take a photograph of the occasion, the conversation continues.
"So," Ted says carefully, swilling the amber liquid around in the bottom of his glass. "How do you know so much about Star Trek fan fiction, Lily?"
Lily smiles a secret smile. "Well, sometimes a girl gets a hankering to read erotic tales of two hot men getting it on."
Robin nods sagely. "Plus, Zachary Quinto? Damn that boy's got something."
Marshall looks a little scandalized.
"Okay, okay," Barney says, laughing. "So I guess that makes Marshall Uhura, which makes some kind of sense because he's totally the chick in your relationship," Robin nudges him for that, then he continues. "So what does that make me?"
"Bones," Ted bursts out. They all look at him. "What?" Ted protests. "He's the only main character left?"
"Uh, there's Sulu and Chekov," Lily corrects him, and Marshall leans in and whispers something in her ear.
"What?" She says, frowning. "I'm really bored in the evenings. You're always working!"
Marshall folds his arms and scowls.
"Besides," Robin says, grinning. "Don't, like, Kirk and Bones have huge internet following also?"
Barney shakes his head. "My girlfriend is a geek," he sighs.
Ted grins at that. "It's the dream."
*--*--*
They don't do the Star Trek Costume thing for Halloween. Ted, who's gotten cynical about dating, wears a skeleton costume underneath his traditional Hanging Chad. He tells everyone it's symbolic of the post-Obama, post-recession malaise, but really he just thinks the costume looks pretty kick-ass.
Robin drops by later, having left Barney at some lame party organized by one of Barney and Marshall's co-workers at GNB.
"Wow," Ted says, "I'm impressed. You trust him enough to leave him alone on Halloween? When every girl has an excuse to dress slutty?"
Robin shrugs. "Meh, he knows what'll happen if he tries anything."
Ted shivers a little at the steel in her voice. She sounds a little drunk, a little bitter.
"Robin," he ventures. "Is everything between you and Barney okay?"
She turns to look out over the city, where the twinkling lights illuminate the night sky. "It's just," she begins, and pauses, wiping her eyes. "It's stupid."
"Hey," Ted says gently, and places a gentle hand on her shoulder. He can feel the warmth of her skin and, this close, he can smell her perfume. He's tempted to lean forward, to nuzzle that sensitive spot at the side of her neck, letting her hair fall in a curtain over his face.
He shakes himself. It's Robin! He thought he'd gotten over these feelings.
"It's just," Robin begins again. "It's just Katie, my sister, she called me today to talk about Christmas and I was thinking, what are the odds in us making it till then? Me and Barney, I mean? I mean, he's a gambler, but I don't think even he would bet on us lasting until the New Year."
Ted lets his hand sweep across Robin's shoulder blades and down, to settle in the small of her back. Comforting, that's it. Definitely nothing sexual.
"You guys are great together," he says, telling himself he believes it. "You just have to work at it. Every couple has to work at it."
"That's not what Marshall says," Robin replies, then seems to clam up. Ted can feel the tension, the stiffening of her spine, in the moment before she laughs and pulls away.
She leaves him bereft, his hand stretched out into thin air, missing the warmth of her body. He tells himself he's just drunk, and lonely, and horny, and that he hasn't gotten laid in way too long. But Ted knows this feeling, this feeling of loving Robin Scherbatsky. He's lived with it for almost five years.
Robin makes her apologies and heads back down to their apartment. Ted hits on a girl after mixing her Kahlua and Root Beer. He gets her number.
Typically, the Slutty Pumpkin doesn't show.
But somehow, it's Robin, the feeling of Robin, that lingers until he makes it to bed that night and it fills him with guilt and longing in equal measure. Because Robin's with Barney now.
Ted just wishes, he really wishes, that she wasn't.